There is a numinous stillness in winter. And though everything seems frozen and dead life is still being seeded, born, nurtured, composted and upcycled in this time of darkness. A time that calls to us to turn within, to retreat from the bustle and rush of man-made reality, to rest in communion with our essence, and reflect upon our year while safely reposing in the arms of the Dark...
How do I explain to him that something about his physique triggered deep feelings of repulsion and disgust, which are owed to experiences with an abusive person from my childhood? How do I explain that my mind is reeling while trying to differentiate and keep apart timelines, feelings and persons? How do I own and express to him that I know it’s unfair that he is affected by my...
This year, in retrospect, was an intense course on 'Emotional Fulfillment' I seemed to finally have been ready for. There is a sense of "at last" and a deep exhalation within as the lesson's layers are sinking in....
There are people who invoke a heart-rending helplessness in me, which turns into hot anger when I observe their unwillingness or inability to do even the most minuscule thing to serve their health or wellbeing while relishing with stubborn willfulness in self-destruction. Not choosing to do for themselves what they would do for others, if only temporary as their consistency is equally weakened by the tyranny of the shadow...
Playing with new tools of making sense of internal processes and relational dynamics and communication has been fascinating. Congruence and incongruence have been centered in revisiting of past and analysis of current experiences. Slowing experiences down to a crawl, sending them through new layers of inquiries into subconscious perceptions, subtle projections, and distortions. Acknowledging meanings of my creation and the feelings these cause, observing feelings about the caused feelings....
I often refer to dream school but have not yet explained what I mean by that, which allowed everyone to find their own definition or understanding but not really know mine. Dream school in my definition is set apart from usual dreams, which are made up of the feedback and information shared by the subconscious and its capacity to read energy and other subtle cues for survival or wellbeing...
One way of making sense of my life so far is as a succession of 1. joining a unit (e.g. family, cult, friends, partners, work, identities) 2. Striving and struggling to belong by doing my best to adhere to its rules, principles and boundaries 3. Beginning to chafe at it and inescapably and painfully outgrowing it while being pulled into a new chapter of my life and belonging. Every...
I have observed within me a push and pull dynamic with regards to the concept of Power Couples. In wanting to explore which aspects about it attract and which repel me, or more precisely which parts of me and for what reason, I have been led on a beautifully explorative journey. A journey shared and enriched in parts with friends, who were kind enough to share their impression of...
In a dharma talk I listened to yesterday Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh) shared that in Vietnam husbands and wives call each other 'my home' which in its beauty and along his insights on the nature of said home inspired deeper reflections in me. Making a home of ourself in his spiritual sense means the cultivation and practice of self compassion, loving embrace of all that arises, and turning towards our...
I have been contemplating the outstanding and exquisite nature of a conversation with a stranger recently encountered on my walk. Trying to remember when last I had a comparable experience of effortless and seamless flow of understanding, knowing, expansion, inspiration and the wonderment of encountering oneness, sameness and differentiation concurrently and blissfully. Thinking back and sense-feeling through memories of encounters with beloveds and inspiring beings on my path I only came...
