I have been quiet here as I was focused on dealing with health concerns.
To be confronted with decisions that take me to the edge of my comfort zone and beyond, having to learn about a diagnosis I have not been familiar with, and listening deeply to hear the voice of my body and consciousness in deciding on treatment plans, and more has been monopolizing on my bandwidth and time.
The past months have granted me novel insights into my psyche as well as the strength and resilience of my body. Some aspects of my relationship with my body and the way I care for it were illuminated and required some changes and a stepping up of my integrity and discipline. I have learned a lot about the people in my life, their capacity to engage with a me who is navigating health issues or not, their willingness to be present or not.
A new level of self compassion was initiated, softening me, expanding my perception and discernment of the challenges we face on a health journey and the varying needs for support and being seen and heard beyond assumptions and projections of others. It was fascinating and at times overwhelming to be faced with other people’s struggles and worries, and their inexplicable persistence in holding to distorted fears and perceptions no matter how much facts and data I offered to allay these.
There were painful disappointments in how people distanced themselves, went unusually silent, or decided not to engage at all. Which I took as a welcome invitation to inquire into the nature of our connection and my vision for the future. Realizing that these connections have outlived their welcome and alignment with my life, I have been in a mourning process to prepare their release, when the time feels right.
Above all though I have savored the feeling of being surrounded by caring and loving beings who attune to my needs and express theirs confidently in navigating this chapter in our relationship story. I feel deeply grateful for the forbearance, spaciousness, and joyful way my friends and family stood by my side as I figured things out and treatments happened.
And of course it also served to create more clarity as to how I wish to live and organize my life, what I feel complete with and can let go, and what I would like to invite and create for myself.
With all that thankfully behind me, I am moving into the dark months of this year with the gifts of this experience, focused on nurturing the health of my body with the support of aligned health facilitators, and charting a new path for my being. Celebrating a freeing up of my mental and emotional bandwidth which allows for a return to mystical inquiry and reflections on life.
With gratitude for the bountiful gifts of Life along this winding path of mine.
