I am looking back at my year of intentionally and actively moving out of my hermit mode by socializing more and opening to new ways of being of service.
Though not having been totally isolated from socializing, my past years have been spent in a calming and healing retreat by keeping my circle small and interactions with strangers transient, short and sweet. In the past six months I have been following the call of my Soul to engage more with others locally, invest my time and energy in exploring spaces of community and service.
One of the surprising insights was how comparatively easy it was to handle the rise in energy expenditure and that I managed to stay mindful of my boundaries and needs throughout most of it. It was quite challenging to step back into the intensity of contrast that a multitude of consciousness level gift us with. Which deepened my gratitude for the privilege of having been granted the privilege of engaging with a beautiful group of Souls who afforded me diversity without the burden of low vibrational drama while I focused on integration and healing.
Towards the end of this cycle of tinkering with engagement in various communities I found my awareness being drawn to prune and purge until only that which felt aligned and life-affirming remained. Inducing me to walk away from things lacking in integrity and a healthy flow, from people with whom I did not want to work anymore, from relating that was too draining and of little benefit.
I am grateful for the shift in energy that brought a lot of novelty, movement, community and joy into my experience. Though only few external changes would be visible or accessible to another, my life feels completely changed and transformed. The one I was just months ago would be surprised at what I have done, achieved, learned, discerned, the clarity gained and the state of being I get to savor today.
I release some of the things I welcomed into my life with my heartfelt gratitude for the joy, experiences, lessons and growth they afforded me and hold on with gratitude to the things that have enhanced my wellbeing and brought local community back into my life. My awareness is gently focused on the path that is calling me and revealing my next steps and challenges as I walk it in trust and playful glee.
The veils that had shrouded my vision have been lifted, and I am patiently attuning to the new melody weaving itself into the symphony of my Soul and embodiment. The past decades have sensitized me to the subtleties and delights of moments of transition, the complexities of infinite threads being in the flux reweaving and reconnecting within the All That Is as we collectively evolve and embody new and expanded expressions of consciousness.
This new melody necessitates new levels and acuteness of discernment to uphold a new vibrational harmony and protect it from falling into a less helpful or even harmful dissonance. A knowing and acceptance of new boundaries and a call for higher integrity and accountability towards my Soul and the service to Life I came here for. An easing away from attachments to individual needs towards flowing in harmony with the flow of the field and Soul community I am meant to serve and evolve with.
Old storylines and narratives have been illuminated to make their emptiness and lower consciousness limits visible, old dreams and desires are losing their shine and attraction. I learned that some people come into my life to help me see that a dream has served its role and needs to be buried. Buried so that it can fertilize the field from which a higher dream may arise and manifest in harmony with who I am becoming.
I know that the way I live my life now must feel callous, cold-hearted, or unloving to those whose path is one that is beholden to the phenomenal world and reductionistic narratives. And I accept their perceptions, judgements, and vitriol as par for the course. An invitation to lean more into the teachings of the void and formlessness to help this body weather the contrast triggered by disappointing other’s expectations rooted in old paradigm storylines. But I cannot return to living such a small, limited, and painful life as I used to live while living in the old stories, my being longs for the freedom, spaciousness, subtle luminosity of emergent storylines and the co-creative play of presence.
My Soul longs to repose with others primarily in fields of aware ease and grace, with honesty, compassion, care and infinite love for the mystery of life. Where the playing out of unconscious archetypal scripts through egos in their grandeur and victimhood are minimal and can be observed, known, and laughed about by all. And yet I know we live on a planet where the majority lives deeply entrenched in the death culture arising from separation consciousness, domination and exploitation systems, and trauma-fueled unconsciousness. Which is why I make space for engagements on other dimensions of consciousness, offering a shoulder to lean on, a few uplifting words, gentle invitations to awakening and small ways of alleviating suffering where possible.
Knowing that being embodied comes with the limits of the state of our nervous system and physical resources, I choose to be a loving steward of my body by honoring her boundaries and limits as to what I can expose myself to and what needs to be avoided. It is a strangely messy and beautiful dance to be consciousness embodied as a human.
What a joyous and expansive new field of experiences my being has been guided towards.
With thanks for the abundance I get to experience, the beauty of the beings I get to witness and support, the insights and expansions I get to have and the deepening of trust and surrender I am savoring.
