I have been noticing lately several people pointing out that what they are currently looking for in relating is emotional safety. And it made me reflect on why that didn’t fully resonate with what I am experiencing and wanting to delve into more.
Safety has for the longest time been on the forefront of my mind, though it referred to physical safety from potential harm through violence. But that attachment and focus born out of a protective hyper-vigilance ended years ago. Thankfully.
Emotional safety was something I did not actively and consciously look for, as I had rarely experienced it consistently nor (un)consciously believed it could be a ‘normal’ to strive for. Predominantly experiencing emotionally volatile and often unsafe relating had impressed on me the importance to get better at protecting myself, at taking hits, and fighting more effectively. Habituating me in time to facing high level of distorted and combative energies without even giving myself the opportunity of exiting or becoming skillful at averting them. Awareness of the cost of such energies to my mental and physical health and growing self compassion have motivated me to focus more on listening to my body’s feedback, and being gentle with myself and others while moving away from such dynamics. Yet having gone through countless experiences of unsafe emotional relating has had an interesting side-effect: the knowing that I can and will not only survive but also use it for my growth.
My focus is not on emotional safety because I know from experience that disruptions are sometimes necessary to break me out of entrenched patterns and therefore gifts of healing and growth, when received appropriately. And I am aware what a privilege it is to be able to say that emotional safety is no longer the focal point of awareness to me. It also means that I have reclaimed enough internal balance, integration, and harmony to focus on more subtle and creative aspects of relating.
These days my measure and focus for the kind of relating I desire to co-create, experience more, and which is my current growth edge, is sweetness. Sweetness, not in the sense of the saccharine artifice many mistake for it or try to present but as a quality arising within me in certain relational moments or in connections.
Sweetness is a softness of spirit, fragrant and sweet to the heart and being, it symbolizes to me a drinking of ambrosia from my own cup. Sweetness can have incredibly healing, nourishing, grounding as well as liberating and inspiring effects on mind and body. There is a shimmering warmth and timeless quality to her. An experience of being without or few overlays of persona and conditioning, where spaciousness is equally present as is a sense of being held in (a welcome) containment.
Sweetness is a state where oneness and being an individual co-exist in awareness. And from this awareness and fascinating embodied experience the self expression, energy, and needs of an ‘other’ are perceived with awe, embraced, and met in a spirit of loving generosity.
Being met with sweetness in another when I feel distress or dysregulated is still an incredibly magical and tangibly transformative experience to my system. Some aspects of me still need time and a slower pace to allow it in as the specters of facsimiles of sweetness and their poisonous sting are still very present to them. It is lovely to observe them allow it in with more and more trust, as they remember the delight they feel at being met by sweetness from the Self. It is one of the most precious gifts of love the Self offers aspects/parts/exiles/shadow.
There is no judgement, hierarchy, or harshly contrasting duality in sweetness’ golden shimmering luminosity. Sweetness is a healing salve to wounds of separation (abandonment, rejection, neglect) and disablingly stuck emotions (shame, guilt, fear), a healing frequency emitting ceaselessly towards the inner tribe, an invitation to attune and thrive in the harmonious and joyful resonance it co-creates with them.
Sweetness does not need the other to be a certain way, she might offer other perspective vantage points as a gift of her spaciousness and to support an easing of contractions and tensions held in the other. Sweetness is effortlessly giving with his warm conscious gaze and welcoming embrace to all that arises and is present.
Sweetness embraces all things, knows them to to be the One in the many, and honors everything and its role in the unfolding of reality.
Sweetness is the gateway to novel relational co-creative explorations I am open and drawn towards in all relationships. A gateway to walking and exploring unknown lands as the trusting and playful golden children we truly are at heart.
Safety is a given, when sweetness is present.