My heart keeps being called into deep introspective states of non-verbal perception and knowing. Co-arising with this call is a knowing of the necessity to repose in this way of living and experiencing life to ensure uninhibited purge, transmutation, and recreation of inner landscapes. A new foundation for being is prepared by dismantling and metabolizing the old in its more subtle and unconscious layers of existence.
With it the process of detachment is progressing into more dimensions of my experience and being. Internally detachment can sometimes feel akin to a total loss of interest in something I was passionate about. And in the process of integration the mind tends towards taking a stance of opposition or rejection of what once was its delight. Underlying this move is a feeling of betrayal, a betrayal experienced due to the false promise of fulfillment that all vacuous things come with. As I observe the processes of the mind, listening to Self reason with it light-heartedly, I sense a slow, and at times halting, uncoiling and release of tension in the body as it opens to embrace a different way of being with reality.
Being with reality or life without numerous lenses of conditioning distorting it one way or another is challenging at first. It feels almost ungrounded and the mind restlessly grasps for some kind of foothold or tether to hold on to. What a strange play of desperation and ignorance it offers the observer. Eventually mind and body come to some form of rest within the unknown, the first in being observant and open, the latter in learning to hold the tensions with compassion and gently inviting relaxation. And with every moment experienced in this form the old conditioning is being released and over-written by the novel experiences available here now.
Eventually there is a realization of the unnecessary and ‘artificial’ heaviness and struggles old conditioning foisted upon the being. From a new vantage point of lightness, reposing in equanimity, and playful kinship with existence the mind is led by the heart-mind to the vastness of possibilities available now.
In this transition from what once was to what will be there is a pause. A pause for rest from the energy-intensive alchemical processes that precede and enable the shift, and a rest to gather energy, discern a new direction and path, and attune to the new frequency calling to my being.
Working at this depth/or height of consciousness necessitates a certain level of awareness and energy to be invested in this and only this. Though profoundly resilient and indomitable, this process comes with the invitation to protect it from dissonant and distorting energies, directing awareness towards what is supportive and useful, open to light-hearted and nourishing playfulness and creativity in service of well-BEing, and fiercely deflective to misaligned energies.
I am fascinated how people are being kept at a distance, friendship ties loosened to allow more spaciousness and prevent disruption, negative energies recognized and diverted so early they do not even feature as a blip in the experience. To gain glimpses of the wild wisdom at play in and around my being is awe-inspiring.
Awe is the new fuel component to surrendering to what is and holding back from interfering with the unfolding of reality by asserting willpower. Curiosity is another, as I long to see how things unfold without undue interferences by the small self. Trust is the main motivator and effortlessly anchors surrender in my being and doing.
On reflecting on it all I realize that I have shifted from hearing my intuition speak to me from time to time to living in a more sustained communion with Self. Intuition is a powerful guide along the path and yet it also is vulnerable to conditioning and ancestral fears and superstitions, therefore it has to be taken with a grain of salt. Self is consciousness beyond time and space, it is not bound by the superstitions and limited scope of human knowledge, its light is untouched by the ages and existence, as those are born out of Self/The One.
The language of Self is found in stillness. To invite Self into my experience means to find myself in a still and witnessing state, detached and disidentified with what is observed, seeing the light and darkness in all, deepening in awe of the eternal dance of yin and yang in the phenomenal world. And to learn to witness from an individual localized as well as a non-localized holistic perspective, switching and concurrently perceiving through both.
On the surface layer of experience I keep immersing myself into learning more about our bodies, nutrition, health, and experimenting with all I am learning to see what truth they hold about this body which has been a joy to experience life with. I enjoy select social engagements and their lessons in energy and human psyche as I observe my responses to them.
If it was up to my heart of hearts I would live in a time where I could be a priestess delving into the mysteries of consciousness, existence, and being human, while giving myself to devotional practices (think bhakti) and offer my knowing as service to those who seek or need it… and not worry about or be distracted by material needs. Living with both eyes turned inwards as the third eye perceives para- and meta-conscious dimensions. Only blinking them open to the external to relate and communicate adequately with those who live a wholly externally focused existence.
