I have patiently sat with my pain and anger, learned the lessons that I attracted for this part of my journey and affirmed, once again, my wholehearted commitment to Self and Source. Now the time has come to close out this chapter, to cut ties with these aspects of the past, discard what is dead, let go of what no longer is life-enhancing and head towards creating happiness, love...
I want to share a bit of my healing story as an acknowledgement of the cycle I have been experiencing and as a seed of contemplation, feeling or sensed transformation for you. In the past 5 years I have shared a little on the disruptions, betrayals and ending of friendships that were very dear and precious to me. Yet I did so only haltingly and while keeping the depth...
There are many facets and sides to me. Sides most of you never encountered, regardless if they are light or dark. It has been a long journey of coming to terms with the broadness of the spectrum of emotions, behaviors and thoughts I am capable of holding and embodying. A long journey to embrace the parts that triggered my fears and deeply embedded and repressed feelings of shame. There...
It is hard for me to find adequate words for the experience I find myself immersed in. I am in awe and floating in an ocean of gratitude for the tender loving care I am experiencing at the hands of my Self as she heeded my call for support in healing and transmuting the distortions I hold in my field. Another way of describing said distortions would be trauma,...
I haven’t cried this much while reading a book in decades. I cried over the perpetuations of pain across generations, the relational mutilation of the men I know intimately and love, the pain their pain brought to our relationships and me, I cried over all the wasted energy in attempting to understand, help and support when the men were too blind or afraid to truly face their truth and...
There are parts in me that prefer to bypass and avoid what was or is painful, deemed by them as shameful or inappropriate for conversation. They are the reason I learned not to mince words and call things by their true name instead of sugarcoating. These parts in me are complicit in keeping me tethered to the past and keep recreating suffering over and over again. If I cannot...
The most challenging experience I have had to date is facing, knowing and meeting the oppressor and victimizer in me. Meeting this archetype, expressing consciously and unconsciously through me, with curiosity, facing the judgements and attachments I observe arising in me when engaging with her or being identified with her, feeling the emotional responses of shame, guilt, anger, frustration, sadness and grief, contemplating the artificial sense of power, safety...
There is a pattern in my life of men feeling inferior or less than me. My responses to it varying between trying to ignore it, degrees of discomfort, trying to make them realize its untruth, feeling frustrated, a shame fueled repulsion or numbness towards them…. which sometimes ended up disrupting or even ending relationships I otherwise valued highly. I had witnessed with increasing awareness the emotional charge held in...
The subject of reconciliation has been on my mind and in my dreams for a couple of weeks. It has been an enchantingly romantic idea of my inner child that every relationship (familial, intimate, friends) and hurt can, and will, be reconciled, if you love each other and try hard enough. Of course life’s experience has proven that idea to be mostly unrealistic. Humans often prefer to gloss things...
“Shadow work is the path of the heart warrior.” ~ Carl Jung I have spent large parts of the past years witnessing my shadow aspects as closely as I could while living my mundane life. You could say my awareness was permanently split in external and internal awareness for the duration of their arising and raging. Which was often. There is an eerie duality of drives when facing the...
