Questions from the Void of a Flashback

How do I explain to him that something about his physique triggered deep feelings of repulsion and disgust, which are owed to experiences with an abusive person from my childhood? How do I explain that my mind is reeling while trying to differentiate and keep apart timelines, feelings and persons? How do I own...

emotional fulfillment

Emotional Fulfillment

This year, in retrospect, was an intense course on 'Emotional Fulfillment' I seemed to finally have been ready for. There is a sense of "at last" and a deep exhalation within as the lesson's layers are sinking in....

2020 Hindsight

This year has been about realizing and embracing uncomfortable truths, making hard decisions and holding myself accountable to a higher standard than before. It has been a year of illuminating and cleaning up what my ego successfully hid under carpets and in dark corners of my mind. A year of cutting out little and...

On Fragility, Tenderness and Sensitivity

I was raised in adverse circumstances that favored and rewarded strength and harshness and mercilessly exploited tenderness and sensitivity to torture and deride the little girl I once was. To survive I emulated these attitudes consciously and subconsciously in parts of my internal tribe. Inadvertently and sadly taking up the role of abuser towards...

History to HERSTORY

I have patiently sat with my pain and anger, learned the lessons that I attracted for this part of my journey and affirmed, once again, my wholehearted commitment to Self and Source. Now the time has come to close out this chapter, to cut ties with these aspects of the past, discard what is...

Hello from the Other Side

There are many facets and sides to me. Sides most of you never encountered, regardless if they are light or dark. It has been a long journey of coming to terms with the broadness of the spectrum of emotions, behaviors and thoughts I am capable of holding and embodying. A long journey to embrace...

The sweetness of being loved by Self

It is hard for me to find adequate words for the experience I find myself immersed in. I am in awe and floating in an ocean of gratitude for the tender loving care I am experiencing at the hands of my Self as she heeded my call for support in healing and transmuting the...

Catharsis

I haven’t cried this much while reading a book in decades. I cried over the perpetuations of pain across generations, the relational mutilation of the men I know intimately and love, the pain their pain brought to our relationships and me, I cried over all the wasted energy in attempting to understand, help and...

True Name

There are parts in me that prefer to bypass and avoid what was or is painful, deemed by them as shameful or inappropriate for conversation. They are the reason I learned not to mince words and call things by their true name instead of sugarcoating. These parts in me are complicit in keeping me...

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