It took me 49 years to finally accept and make peace with the fact that many friendships, and almost all friendships with men, will leave parts of me deeply unmet and starved in regards to emotional connectivity and flow. This made itself repeatedly, painfully and non-negotiably clear on an emotional level of perception and knowing of my experience. I am fascinated how hard it is for the tender and...
Dating makes me acutely aware of my unique communication style, preferences, and language skills, which for the longest time remained hidden in exchanges with soul kin and close friends. When communicating with people who lack an aligned spiritual background, or who have not delved into it as far, my mind starts translating, explaining, and becoming more detailed in conveying its meaning. Realizing the difference in cosmologies and how these...
I am observing people misreading who I am and what it takes to be part of my experience. Which may be due to ignorance or forgetfulness, regardless of the reasons, here is a reminder on how I operate and how it affects my social engagements and relationships. I am naturally generous I love giving and sharing what is mine to share, there is no joy for me in hoarding...
There is a numinous stillness in winter. And though everything seems frozen and dead life is still being seeded, born, nurtured, composted and upcycled in this time of darkness. A time that calls to us to turn within, to retreat from the bustle and rush of man-made reality, to rest in communion with our essence, and reflect upon our year while safely reposing in the arms of the Dark...
How do I explain to him that something about his physique triggered deep feelings of repulsion and disgust, which are owed to experiences with an abusive person from my childhood? How do I explain that my mind is reeling while trying to differentiate and keep apart timelines, feelings and persons? How do I own and express to him that I know it’s unfair that he is affected by my...
There are people who invoke a heart-rending helplessness in me, which turns into hot anger when I observe their unwillingness or inability to do even the most minuscule thing to serve their health or wellbeing while relishing with stubborn willfulness in self-destruction. Not choosing to do for themselves what they would do for others, if only temporary as their consistency is equally weakened by the tyranny of the shadow...
One way of making sense of my life so far is as a succession of 1. joining a unit (e.g. family, cult, friends, partners, work, identities) 2. Striving and struggling to belong by doing my best to adhere to its rules, principles and boundaries 3. Beginning to chafe at it and inescapably and painfully outgrowing it while being pulled into a new chapter of my life and belonging. Every...
I have been contemplating the outstanding and exquisite nature of a conversation with a stranger recently encountered on my walk. Trying to remember when last I had a comparable experience of effortless and seamless flow of understanding, knowing, expansion, inspiration and the wonderment of encountering oneness, sameness and differentiation concurrently and blissfully. Thinking back and sense-feeling through memories of encounters with beloveds and inspiring beings on my path I only came...
called back to the core sensing the need for a new path one free from the weight of what was listening to the wisdom and potentiality of now time has no meaning or abode here human scripts are but a thin specter the numinous rays of the eternal sun call for evolution the lilting voice of gaia whispers of cycles and rebirth as the soul attunes to new harmonic...
My newly reborn self is very different to the previous iteration I have been living from in the past decade. Born from the former iterations long journey of healing trauma, integrating inner selves, finding the oneness of all dualities, balancing masculine and feminine energies and ventures into the void, she is a more fiery warrior, playful being, easy lover, intuitive networker, mystical dancer, and sovereign being....
