I am observing people misreading who I am and what it takes to be part of my experience. Which may be due to ignorance or forgetfulness, regardless of the reasons, here is a reminder on how I operate and how it affects my social engagements and relationships.
I am naturally generous
I love giving and sharing what is mine to share, there is no joy for me in hoarding things while another could make good use of them to enhance their experience and joy.
As I have gone through several cycles of lessons with takers, selfish people, and abusers which are never far from generous people, there are clear and non-negotiable boundaries to my giving. You might not sense them or come against them until I sense a lack in adequate reciprocation, a sense of entitlement to what is mine, taking me for granted, or trying to play games. Then, depending on the degree of seriousness, you will see the boundary illuminating my generous self in a way that reveals my warrior heart underneath it or make you taste some medicine.
I take full responsibility for my life
In the beginning many enjoy this as novel and intriguing as it takes expectations and coercions, which are normalized in relationships, off the table in engaging with me. Especially selfish/player types feels like they can get away with more or dupe me.
Though I do not expect others to share my beliefs and lifestyle, their choices do define if and where they may or may not fit into my experience. Living from a perceptive vantage point running contrary to common culture creates a need to keep a close eye on the energy of those close to me and my circles in general. Which means that I will keep stepping back from someone, who does not embody responsibility for their life, until the distance makes it feasible to have that person in my life. Which also translates as getting less and less of my energy, attention, and time until I eventually move on and end the connection.
Integrity is key to my life path
I am held to learning about and living from integrity in this life.
And having circled a few times around the sun while learning lessons on integrity from master manipulators, intimate betrayals, and more from the narcissistic playbook, I have functional boundaries and best practices in place even if they are not initially visible.
Generally I prefer to disconnect from anyone consciously choosing to walk a path lacking in integrity. Mind you, not because it is inherently evil but because I had my fill of experiences based in the shadow aspects of integrity and now intend to learn from the light aspects for a change.
The point of discernment if someone stays or goes is how they engage with their current lack of integrity. Are they struggling with it and doing their best to grow and move into integrity? Are they smug or in total denial of it? Does their ego feign incompetence and victimhood in order not to be held accountable and responsible to change?
Expect less leeway if our dynamic has veered me away from my integrity. I will put my whole effort into getting back into integrity, once done, the gaze on you will be compassionate but the steel of my commitment to integrity will stand against you and keep you at a distance appropriate to energies which are not conducive to my purpose. I might move slow, for my own benefit, but once I decide to move there is no turning back.
Learning, growth and wisdom are key to my life path
Whatever supports me in learning is welcome, even if painful in nature. Whatever stands in the way of my growth, holds me back, or slows me down by trying (non-consensually) to ride my coat tails is not welcome and will be dealt with swiftly and unapologetically.
I do not take kindly to things which stand in the way of my learning, regardless if they are internal/external or positive/negative. At best I take them as a playful challenge to work/grow around and leave behind, at worst I take them as something asking for my Taurean horns and power.
Don’t play yourself and think that someone who will ruthlessly root out even beloved patterns within her will be swayed by your cuteness or a shared history. Everything is fair game if it stubbornly takes the form of an obstruction.
I choose to surround myself with people I love, admire, and learn with
I understand how surrounding energies subtly yet profoundly influence us, which is why I am very clear on which energies I accept in my inner/outer circles, and which will block access to my life.
My life has thankfully been blessed with connections of immeasurable value next to the wild mix of contrast it offers. And I am not speaking of celebrity status or money but of true value gained and cultivated by hard work across lifetimes, gifts, energetic frequencies, and showing up consistently with qualities of wisdom, kindness, love, joy, playfulness, insightfulness in the face of life’s adversities and pleasures equally.
I have no interest in being surrounded by people who are intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually lazy or complacent in their deliberate ignorances, though theirs is an equally valid way of ‘doing human’ to me.
I am only mildly interested in those who chose lives of self-destructivity or self-sabotage, regardless if they do it in what is deemed a glamorous or destitute way.
My interests firmly lie with those who chose specific types of excellence that speak to my soul and consciousness, those who silently and persistently work towards inner mastery and service to the All from higher consciousness not their ‘pain body.’ Everything else is at best an entertaining and at worst a background noise to be silenced.
I am loyal
I am fiercely loyal to my friends, will stand by their side and in front of them if necessary. My friends are what family is to others, they are my family of choice, family of spirit, and soul family. It takes a lot to make me walk away from a long standing friendship or relationship!
As long as you walk in integrity, honest, accountability — read as trustworthiness — we are golden. If you should fall out of these, for more than a short while, I will support you in your journey and growth of reclaiming them should you ask me to and show sincere effort.
But if you show lack of trustworthiness, avoid contact though I reach out repeatedly, become disrespectful of my time, energy and person I will move on in a heartbeat. And no, I will not first talk to you about it as from my vantage point we are no longer treading common ground.
I am playful but I do not play
Don’t mistake my lightheartedness and playfulness for a lack of seriousness or grit. I can step at any given moment into full warrior mode and use my swords of truth and intuition to cut through smoke screens, lies, games, and other BS. Which is a fun exercise to me really and no hardship. Invite me and you will get a taste of its glorious joyful flow or the bite of said blades revealing truths and falsities, depending on where you stand.
I will not hurt you intentionally
No longer am I wasting my energy on illusions of retaliation, no longer do my wounded parts get to avenge themselves for a painful past on the current protagonists.
My shadow and darkness are allowed to express internally but rarely allowed to come out and play in the old ways. And as they have come to accept the truth that Karma knows to make you pay justly in a currency that is dear to you, I have become good at walking away and letting life deal with people who show up in hurtful, disrespectful, manipulative, etc., ways. I no longer make them my problem and respect that they belong to Lady Karma, to deal with in her divine time.
I choose to take my energy and invest it into life-giving, expansive, joyful things, relationships, projects, thoughts. Or I channel the energy into self love for delicious dividends from the drama observed and happily side-stepped.
The benefits of my way of engaging
Whatever I do, I always end up thanking the adversarial energy or person for enriching my life by creating contrast, making me learn, stretch and get better at inner mastery.
I simply cannot lose in this little game of BEING human because everything enhances my experience and offers me an opportunity for growth or pivoting towards more fruitful endeavors and connections.
It is up to you and your behavior if you are, and remain, part of this playful unfolding of magic or need to be left to the past.