Choosing Flow

Inner landscapes in ourselves and others are exquisitely diverse and fill my life with awe, surprise, insights, and the joy of exploration. Like the landscapes of our mother Gaia they come in many wondersome manifestations worthy of exploration and delight. I am becoming gratefully aware how blessed I have been in my life to have preserved and protected the fertility of my inner landscapes and to be surrounded with...

Relational Insights

The last year taught me more on subtle nuances to boundaries, and opened up a whole new aspect I have not yet engaged with. I was shown which hopes and desires, born of deficits and woundings of my childhood, still hold a level of power that effortlessly crosses and blinds me to my boundaries until harm has been incurred. A painful insight into the workings of patterns alive in...

Questions from the Void of a Flashback

How do I explain to him that something about his physique triggered deep feelings of repulsion and disgust, which are owed to experiences with an abusive person from my childhood? How do I explain that my mind is reeling while trying to differentiate and keep apart timelines, feelings and persons? How do I own and express to him that I know it’s unfair that he is affected by my...

Relationship Dealbreakers and Flags

In my early teens I read this sentence “Be like an Empress in love” which resonates to this day with me. Its meaning has deepened and expanded into different dimensions over time. From where I am today it stands for loving from a knowing of my own abundance, wholeness and sovereignty, and it speaks to loving, caring, nurturing and giving generously from a discerning and conscious heart. Loving like...

On Fragility, Tenderness and Sensitivity

I was raised in adverse circumstances that favored and rewarded strength and harshness and mercilessly exploited tenderness and sensitivity to torture and deride the little girl I once was. To survive I emulated these attitudes consciously and subconsciously in parts of my internal tribe. Inadvertently and sadly taking up the role of abuser towards myself and others in its wake. Rarely allowing myself to feel or own moments of...

The sweetness of being loved by Self

It is hard for me to find adequate words for the experience I find myself immersed in. I am in awe and floating in an ocean of gratitude for the tender loving care I am experiencing at the hands of my Self as she heeded my call for support in healing and transmuting the distortions I hold in my field. Another way of describing said distortions would be trauma,...

Commitment to Love

The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others. That action is the testimony of love as the practice of freedom. ~ bell hooks, Outlaw Culture My journey of self-integration and healing can be narrated as a journey of commitment to love for...

The Hungry Ghosts

We often talk a lot about the things we want, we long for or miss. But it is our actions, choices, visions and thoughts that reflect what we truly choose to go after. Regardless if these things are what we consciously want or not, the circumstances and things we have manifested by our choices (not necessarily illnesses, accidents, loss of loved ones etc.) have been created and magnetized by our...

The Bridge

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There...

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