Thank You 2021

For teaching me more on WHOLENESS by encouraging me to set more internal and external boundaries to codependency and enmeshment and practice healthy detachment.

For letting me repose in and relish desireless EMPTINESS and delight in embodying the void.

For making me ask myself how I can bring more of the qualities of the VOID to my experiences and encounters.

For teaching me to face REALITY as it is and stop fighting, denying, or projecting upon it from fear and a lack of acceptance.

For helping me get crystal clear who ‘my kind of people’ are by correcting my perceptions of embodied and lived SPIRITUALITY and alignment with my being.

For making me read Alexandra Stein’s “Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems” and plunging me into revisiting my past to purge more of the damages incurred by MANIPULATION, BETRAYAL, COERCION and OPPRESSION. A harrowing and dark experience which liberated me and created space for more possibilities in my perceptions and life.

For ongoing and potent DREAMWORK to release past woundings and misperception, inspire new lines of inquiry, and to introduce new emotional and energetic set points.

For deepening my lessons on FULLY SURRENDERING to SELF, teaching me to let go of willing and instead to intend and show up, while trusting deeply in the fulfillment of my Soul’s desires. Releasing more of my identifications with my tribe of selves as well as becoming more compassionate and considerate of them.

Teaching me that the BLISS the mystics speak of is not just to be found in ‘peak experiences’ or ‘peak phenomena’ but also in the elation derived from surrender to Self, heart-centered being (not emotion-centered being there is a crucial difference), the integration of shadow, and the transmutation of the conditioned self through the luminous power of consciousness. This kind of bliss is not reliant on external circumstances or the absence of pain or suffering, its subtle and pervasive nature shines through all of experience and brings levity and joy to the attuned being, which in turn allows for even more expansion into being and blissfulness.

For healing more of my MISPERCEPTIONS and ATTACHMENTS to one of my parents, moving me from the toxicity of neediness and resentment towards compassionate detachment.

For DEARMORING me and teaching me to feel more and cultivate useful skills in navigating life from a more open and vulnerable state by deepening my trust and Self-leadership.

For guiding me to expand into PLAYFULNESS and release limiting thinking and self censorship.

For teaching me to RELATE and LOVE in a new way by gifting me with deeply meaningful and expansive explorative experiences with evolutionary minded Souls. Allowing me to get intimate with all aspects of myself and become clear on what I truly need, want, and desire in relationships and how to manifest it, whilst reminding me to beware of settling for ‘less than’ my being desires.

For giving me the realization that I no longer turn to LOVE RELATIONSHIPS as a panacea for a deficit of love, as that has been taken care of by self and tribe love, but to co-create evolutionary containers for shared magical and extraordinary adventures.

For making me conscious of the unconscious AMBIVALENCE towards men that steeped relating with them into a dualistic dynamic of desire/delight on the one hand and fear/repulsion on the other.

For teaching me about the importance of an internal felt sense of EQUALITY, POWER, and ADMIRATION in love relationships.

For giving me opportunities to practice OPENING FULLY to a man and surrendering to the experience of relating with trust. And also reminding me that having an attraction, great connection, or feelings of love for someone doesn’t imply a need for turning it into a committed relationship.

For helping me remember, reclaim, and update old DREAMS and aspects of my being.

For inspiring me to create a new VISION BOARD from a knowing of wholeness and understanding of what fulfills and grows me instead of the distortions of desires and unconscious scarcity beliefs.

For giving me an opportunity to actively and PHYSICALLY CHANGE what doesn’t align with or serve me, which was unbelievable rewarding and important at this point of my journey. After years of having been taught to be patient and trust the unfolding without physically intervening this felt especially liberating and delightful.

For reminding me what great delight and pride I take in the WORK OF MY OWN HANDS and that it is way sweeter than enjoying the luxury of having someone else take care of stuff for me. And that no matter how tired, sore or exhausted I felt my little bull’s heart was aglow with glee.

For giving me ample opportunities to be sensing, experiencing and seeing the vastness of my STRENGTH, DISCIPLINE, and PERSISTENCE in expression and enjoy how amazing it feels.

For allowing me to discard things, which my mother had held onto without my consent or knowing, and which kept unwanted energetic cords alive with past aspects of my life. And for the delight that followed said DISCARDING as rushes of energy returned to my body and being.

For granting me the knowing that every part of me and the ego mind which operates on adversarial perceptions and narratives becomes a SLAVE to duality.

For teaching me that mastering DUALITY does not mean directing or dominating it but rather knowing its true nature and engaging it from consciousness without submitting to identifications, attachments, and dogma.

MASTERY in the mystical sense is not about domination, as that is beholden to fear not love, it is about being ONE WITH duality and playing with its seeming contrasts in creative, joyful, aligned and expansive ways. Seeing through its appearance of duality and contrast to perceive the underlying oneness.

For teaching me about the need and joy of living from ALERT PRESENCE. Not an alertness in the sense of vigilance (which is mostly rooted in fear) but alertness arising from being fully present, open and in harmonic resonance with the rhythm and flow of life.

For giving me the realization that these times call me to be with WHAT IS without getting entangled or invited into shadow play by narratives and stories wanting to wrap themselves around it. They call for my ability to stand strong in my discerning sovereignty and Self while engaging with the moment from curiosity, playfulness, compassion and love. To be CONCURRENTLY SEPARATE and ONE WITH ALL.

Teaching me to no longer allow my mind/body to be pulled in false dichotomies, meet dualities with a knowing and intent of ‘both/and’ to break the spells of limitations and distortion, and to allow Consciousness to offer new perspectives and pathways to INFINITE POSSIBILITIES from the vastness of its wisdom. New perspectives and solutions which not only help me navigate the challenges set before me but also to thrive and delight in engaging with them.

For sensitizing me to the fact that due to my experience of spiritual trauma and entrainment of a narcissistic God, I have to be mindful that the deep-set distrust and ambivalence towards said deity does not CROSS CONTAMINATE subconsciously my relationship with inner Presence (higher Self) or Source.

For teaching me to reclaim and step into my INNOCENCE and access the immense power and spaciousness it comes with as I consistently love on my inner child.

For challenging me to get past linguistic obstacles and learn to express VULNERABILITY as easily in German as I have learned to do in English. Helping me drop some of the unhelpful cultural conditionings and reigniting my love for the poetry and richness of the German language.

For bringing back old and new MALE FRIENDS into my life and teaching us to relate on higher levels of awareness, authenticity, vulnerability, compassion and love. I appreciate and welcome the replacement of friendships lost in years back and the upping of masculine energy in my circles. Acknowledging the fulfillment of longheld wish.

For ending on a gift and high note, which give me a knowing and positive outlook on 2022’s oncoming magic and gifts.

Photography: Chelsea Jackson Roberts by Francesco Mastalia
Scroll to top