“The waves hit the cliff with more intensity than the shore, because the ocean knows the cliff has that masculine intensity which won’t complain about her feminine energy.” ~ Nityananda Das
If I would have seen the above quote years before I would have laughed and asked to see such a man. The only people I had ever experienced meeting feminine energy in her wild and intense emanation with strength and awareness were a few exceptional women.
Most people I have met, regardless of their gender, would have complained and fought or denigrated the other even if the feminine energy flowed in a rather mellow way. After all there is a conditioned brittleness and fragility in the way masculine energy in all of us expresses and meets the feminine energy until the energy has been freed from the distortions effected by culture and programming.
I will admit freely that it takes mastery and a conscious equanimity to stand in the storm of another’s intense energy. And especially so if it is the dark feminine in its intensity. I myself cannot handle it at times and therefore cannot fault anyone who feels overwhelmed or momentarily incapable of dealing with it. These are the moments where we need to own our momentary limitations in meeting the other and self care, not moments to blame the other and/ or project our made up ego storyline on them. That is a messy work in progress.. and challenging.
Last year I learned that what I has taken to be as a “strong man” in my still conditioned/ blind spotted mind was another fragile expression of the masculine energy which in turn had a darkly fascinating way of triggering quite unhealthy reactivities from a distorted feminine energy in me. A loud and clear pointer to the inner work I still needed to do in order to free my inner feminine energy from distortions and to disarm her trigger-happy dysfunction.
I have been immersing myself in deep shadow work and not specifically addressing the above therefore I was quite surprised to witness myself having an inspiring new experience with masculine energy which the above words reminded me of.
Being aware of the distorted egoic game between a shadow-ridden masculine energy and mirroring feminine energy (and vice versa) seems to have created the space for another possibility of relating. It sure helped to have met someone who effortlessly matches my intensity, commitment to self work and who is grounded and stable in areas I am not (yet). A gorgeous mirror and complementary being, a wonderfully passionate and playful partner in this dance of souls, bodies and minds we call relationship.
I was amazed how in one of our conversations the above mentioned energies were triggered and present yet there was a decidedly different quality to this experience. He had the capacity to hold space and meet me with openness, compassion and wisdom even though he felt the intensity of my reactive intensity and wouldn’t let himself be baited into reactivity. He stood calmly in the storm of my emotions and helped me stay connected with him while allowing my emotions and thoughts to move through me. Did I ever mention that I have a massive weakness for guys capable of conscious meta dialogues in the midst of emotional fires and storms? Oh my heart, even sensing the possibility of observing together what unfolds as it happens is amazing but truly experiencing a man capable of holding space and standing up to me… I was floored.
To have a passionate discussion and weaving in and out of the dimension and knowing of our union and observing patterns playing out with equal compassion and self compassion is so precious to me. What an epic moment of self mastery and so much sweeter by sharing it with a beloved!
This is huge for me. Having had to deal with multiple layers of trauma laying siege to my nervous system and an intergenerational familial culture of heated debates and fights instead of calm discussions… every moment I can move beyond all of that and get closer to acting like the loving and caring essence of my being is beyond words.
I feel so much gratitude for all who helped me get here, my teachers, guides, ancestors, the hard work I have put in, the beautiful man that is taking me and my nervous system to a this new dimension of trust and safety and allowing me to experience my expanded resilience and all the people who came before and showed me how unhelpful and wrong my protective patterns have been. But most of all I thank Source for guiding me along this wondersome path of integration and self leadership.
And I need to point out that this experience wouldn’t be possible if the man I shared this experience with had not tempered his energies and ego with self work and met me equally in his masculine power and feminine receptivity. I feel grateful and honored to learn from this gracious soul.
It is fascinating to me to observe how quickly my system began to mirror his temperance and open to more vulnerability and trust “simply” by him holding that energy so well. He wouldn’t even know or say that that was what he was doing because to him it probably is just what he does. Sometimes we can be blind to the extent of our greatness and the gift our being is to another.
A beautiful moment of possibility and connection in-midst of the intensity of pain, vulnerability and love.
A moment which gives me hope that this raging ocean in me might have found a veritable cliff after all and not a sandy shoreline masking as a cliff… enabling the vast possibility of a truly passionate dance in all of our forms, allowing all aspects to play and be free flowing as we live and love one another.
Only time will tell… but even if this one moment was all there is to this connection, I would already be immensely grateful. Fortunately there is much more and it seems that way more is meant to come our way and I cannot wait for my next lesson from my personal love guru.