Notes to Self – Choose Someone

With the upcoming Venus retrograde we are headed into our underworld to reassess our relationships as well as who and what we value in our life. What better time to write down the lessons learned in recent experiences with men as a note to self on who to choose? This is a highly personal condensed list yet I hope it serves you as an inspiration for your own contemplations on preferences and what nourishes or drains you in intimate relationships.

  • choose someone who calls all of gaia his home and longs to explore as much of her beauty and human expressions, cultures, life styles, architecture, art and life’s dance as he can.
  • choose someone who brings joy, lightness and love to life as well as intelligence, equanimity, creativity and a heart that loves adventure and diversity.
  • choose someone who has mastered practices of self reflection and meta perception of self as well as behavioral and thought patterns.
  • choose someone you have the capacity to hold space for in the way they need it and who chooses to lean into it and grow.
  • choose someone whose shadows play well with you, whose darkness cannot douse your love and joy with persistence or keep triggering you past the window of tolerance.
  • choose someone who remembers you are not the abuser of his past when you gently point it out to his triggered self, someone who has a capability of effectively self soothing and calming his nervous system when triggered.
  • choose someone who can sense, ask and receive support and help when he needs it or recognize the need when made aware of it.
  • choose someone who loves himself and does not justify or rationalize patterns of unlove towards his heart, soul and body but works on deepening his self love.
  • choose someone who would not think of outsourcing emotional labor, mood management and his mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing to anyone but himself.
  • choose someone who sees himself as your equal and works effectively on releasing any beliefs and thoughts of being less than or not good enough.
  • choose someone who supports you in stretching and becoming a more balanced and whole you.
  • choose one who can challenge you and make you own your bullshit and receive the same gift of honesty and reflection.
  • choose someone who has seen you in your darkest and can be with you lovingly without allowing your darkness to infringe on their wellbeing.
  • choose someone who with compassion and discernment holds space as you remind your inner child they are not the one who hurt or abandoned you but one come to love you and walk by your side.
  • choose someone who teaches you to love yourself fiercely and open your heart through all the fears and impulsive constrictions by their own example and love. 
  • choose someone with erotic intelligence who is willing and playfully skilled at exploring vast pleasures to be elicited from our amazing bodies, spirits and hearts with you.
  • choose someone who meets you in your passions, your fragility, your playfulness, your wisdom, your silliness, your love, your kindness, your sacredness, your radiance… your youness.
  • choose someone you could easily live without but choose to be with because they evoke a unique melody from your heart which harmonizes enchantingly with his.
  • choose someone whose eyes dance with sparks of the unknown and pull you into a blissful surrender to the eternal dance of lover and beloved.
Photograph by Erik Almås
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