I appreciate the gift of having aquired deeper insights and intimacy with the habituated groves of my thinking. Especially those groves which leak my energy and drain me of my joy and love or worse that would lead me into the darkness of depression and suicidal bleakness. I have had a year of stark revelations and truths about my thinking, my self and relationship needs and patterns which had been out of my grasp until now.
Fascinating how our healing paths are perfectly individual, giving us lessons and insights that open up doors to resources within us, which later on turn out to be much needed for more challenging lessons and revelations down the road. I see with clarity that I am always cared for on this path of self realization and always, always guided via all kinds of signs, prompts, helpful messages, thoughtful friends giving me much needed wisdom, validation or clarification of vague intuitions.
I have learned that the habits of the mind are harder to change than emotional habits. Even if it may seem to be the other way around on the surface, on a cursory glance or brush with them.
Emotional habits even if they resort to knee-jerk responses can be eventually managed or even controlled by a disciplined mind.
Yet who will manage an uncooperative or unhealthy mind?
Consciousness of course. Yet consciousness does not operate with strictness or harshness and often utilizes the mind in engaging with us and this dimension. It also speaks and acts through the heart – but again the feelings and emotions permeating us from consciousness are not the forceful, flooding kind our subconscious creates.
Which makes for a slower pace and more challenges in finding pathways to bring our minds back on track and free them from their bad habits and conditioning.
It has been a relief to find ways of detaching myself or moving out of spaces where my own mind bullied or tortured me. To know that I have the power to rid myself from this experiences of internal oppression has been freeing and a shining tether to wellbeing whenever I lost myself in the artificial realities my thoughts conjured.
My main tools and resources in dealing with repetitive patterns of thinking which would take me into states of stagnation, unhappiness or depression are such that need cultivation and nourishment even in times of ease but also serve me in countless other ways:
Having a strong connection with Source
Being anchored in the felt sense, experience, knowing and feeling of the oneness of all, the love and beauty of existence at my core. To have that inner space of calmness, clarity and love no matter what chaos, storms or darkness might be raging in my mind and emotions is a gift I am grateful for on a daily basis. It is the protector of my sanity, my respite and succor.
Humor – not taking myself and life too seriously
It has taken a couple of years to learn and practice this. Looking for the humor or absurdity in any given situation, no matter how “serious” we are told it is or believe it to be. Allowing myself some ‘comical relief’ is such an important break from my cult conditioning and brings spaciousness to moments! Being serious has often a constricting effect on our mind, body and energy. Humor allows us to breathe deeper, take more space and find our way back to the bigger picture of life and connect with the vast possibilities life holds as it operates outside of the limitations of linear thinking and perception.
Having an actively engaged Healer
Looking back I have always had a part in me that pushed me towards healing and growth. I have consciously amplified this parts voice within me, given it knowledge (book knowledge, education) and knowing (intuition, claires, etc.). And she is the one who engages the mind on its own ground, meaning she reasons artfully with the mind. My inner healer points out irrationalities, logical fallacies, harmful effects, the track record of failure of this line of thinking and while thanking the parts/ thoughts/ mind for their efforts she suggests better and more successful ways of protecting me from disappointment/ rejection/ pain/ shame/ guilt and other feelings it is attempting to avoid. She is strict where she needs to be but otherwise compassionate, playful and inspiring… and she never tires in meeting the parts who stray and bring them back to path of integration and growth.
Create timeouts from thinking and emoting
This might take the form of meditation, yoga, qigong, dance, time in nature or any creativity or expression that gets me in the zone e.g. mantras, cooking (my longtime favorite). Sometimes I just shake the funk out of my body, which appears to be truly stupid to my mind but eventually even my most stuck up aspects give way to laughing and the doorways to ease and grace open up.
Please remember you can be the creator of your experience. You have the power to create new doorways where your mind tells you there are none. Just educate yourself, practice and laugh yourself through the times you stumble and fall.. until you fall less and make a stumble part of your unique and beautiful dance.
May all beings find their golden door to freedom and love!
