The past has gifted me the realization of how fundamental acceptance is to my inner peace. And has cultivated an appreciation for how it calms my being and gives me more resources to meet life in a more lighthearted, creative and playful way.

Another aspect for me is that when I cannot accept circumstances or reality as they are I cannot truly change them. Which is why I choose to observe and analyze a situation as multidimensionally as possible, even if I tend to label or communicate it in a short-hand form.

I understand that someone, who is beholden to unconscious or subtle fights with reality, self and conditional about acceptance has a hard time perceiving my way of engaging with life and mistakes outer appearances as being akin to lack of acceptance.

And though I accept it as one of the many sad realities of engaging with others my choice, more often than not, will be to minimize or step away from engaging with such a person. Stepping away is owed to acceptance of my body’s limitations in weathering projections, distorted energy and attacks arising from another’s inner war. 

Acceptance is peace.  And sometimes sustaining peace necessitates an end to the tolerance of proximity to the accepted, out of self love.

The post Acceptance appeared first on Venuskind.

The winter solstice illuminated a vast shift in my energy, which ripped through some veils of perception that had been created by childhood adversity and survival strategies of my psyche. The shift in perception and the fact that several aspects of my being were activated and fueled by this new energy let me enter the new year as a new me.

New in the way I perceive, value, discern, choose, act, and express my being. So in fact this year ‘New Year, New Me’ is not a statement of an intent or goal but an observation of my current reality.

One of the most fascinating moments in learning about this new way of being had to be the moment my more machiavellian parts and Self energy agreed on a strategy, though from wildly differing perspectives. Which amuses me and makes this new chapter of life even more intriguing and a source of daily delight.

Old iterations of me would have handled ending connections which I realized had been underwhelming, disloyal, and unworthy of my time and energy in a decidedly different way. None of them would have gone over without an undercurrent of resentment, desire for justice, and anger of varying degrees. And I would have had a hard time holding back from giving them a piece of my observations and judgements of their behaviors. 

New me, couldn’t care less about them and how they showed up. She zeroed in on my part in the dynamics that led up to this point of realization:

Why did I blind myself to the truth of the relationship dynamics and the person? What part of me, and beliefs I hold, drive that kind of behavior? How do I make sure this doesn’t ever happen again? What need did I try to meet by holding on to mediocrity or unloving dynamics? How can I redirect inner currents of energy and awareness to fulfill the need and avoid self-harming by holding on to the wrong energies and people?

And when it came to ending the connections new me chose to take the higher road of communicating my desire to end the connection without going into the reasons beyond pointing out that our paths are diverging or our definitions of the relationship or desires for it are not aligned. Which, in the past, would have incensed my darker aspects and protectors who would have wanted things to be communicated with the sharp edged words of a queen of swords to cut at the lies, illusions, and BS experienced in the connection. 

The new way of being has no need for another to understand and share my perceptions of the past, nor do my perceptions matter as much. There is no need to express how parts of me recoiled, lost respect, or feel utter speechlessness at the way the other showed up. That is only of interest in introspection and as a means of learning about where my work lies and which boundaries I need to honor better in times to come. It is considered feedback for further inquiry, not some sort of sacred truth to be upheld.

Once I realize that someone’s time in my life has run out they no longer need an insight into my perceptions or reflections – they would probably neither understand nor respect them anyway. Only when intuition or spirit nudge me to share will I invest energy in the emotional labor of sharing and entering an exchange with another, otherwise I see it as a waste of time and energy for both that is bound to create more distortions and harm. A futile expenditure of precious life energy by a hurt ego or mind, which only perpetuates the dysfunctionality of the dynamics observed. When I am called to share it is because shared growth or transcendence are possible but if the nudge is absent it is a sign of the pointlessness of such an attempt.

Interestingly and surprisingly my machiavellian aspects agreed to the way of detaching the Self energy chose. When I inquired into their acceptance they shared their reasoning as follows: My non-combative, gracious, yet firm exit opens the gateway for their mind to offer up potential reasons why I may have chosen to let them go. And their mind would go to explanations that would sting and hurt them more deeply than my words, or truths, could ever have. Which makes me chuckle and shake my head while celebrating that they won’t sabotage or rail against the higher road, even if their reasons are less luminous.

I am enjoying the new playful spaciousness in which my inner tribe of parts are being united and led by Self energy with little to no friction. A spaciousness that allows for all parts to be who they are, express their needs and thoughts while trusting that the Self will not only consider them but meet them in the most surprising and nourishing ways. There is less to no internal judgement, and wherever it comes up it too can be integrated in the spaciousness while making all parts feel safe, heard, and cared for.

It is a magical paradox to be more open, and therefore more vulnerable, and yet be more resilient. Hello antifragility!

Well met, new me, I cannot wait to see what else you will be teaching me about existence!

Photography by Unknown

The post New Year, New Me appeared first on Venuskind.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn…
With every goodbye, you learn.

~ Veronica Shoffstall

We all grow up with countless narratives on the pain, devastation, and overwhelm we can feel after a break up. Countless movies, songs, and books have colored our collective consciousness for centuries and millennia.

With the commitment to my spiritual journey, ongoing practices as well as psycho-spiritual integration work the nature of break ups has slowly begun to shift for me.

Prior to that a break up would ‘shred my heart’ and trigger a ceaseless storm of emotions in my being which ranged from abandonment, unlovability, and grief to anger, disappointment, and at times even disgust. Months of my lifetime would be absorbed by this inner turmoil and diminish my inner fire and life energy. All of which neatly follows our collective expectations and conditioning.

With the beginning of my journey I realized that the duration of this state pretty quickly dropped from several months to weeks. And with the focus on self love and my relationship with Source and Self the intensity of above mentioned emotions began to lessen tangibly. In the moment of a break up the thought of it happening in service of my growth and wellbeing was more and more present. While my inner tribe told the wounded parts that the one who was leaving my life was making place for someone who would be better aligned and more loving.

But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
And someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved like you never have known
The memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred
But someday you will be loved

~ Death Cab for Cutie, Someday You Will Be Loved

In all of these years past I thought it would become easier to navigate break ups and the pain they caused me but not once did I imagine it to be possible to experience a break up and not feel pain. Why did the possibility never cross my mind? Because the belief that parting is painful is very deeply entrained, so deeply that I could not even conceptualize a reality where pain is not part of the picture. Looking back it saddens me how blinded my mind was to this whole new range of experiences which opened up for me a year ago.

On reflection I feel it is a deepening in surrender to Self-leadership and Soul guidance as well as trust in the benevolence of Source and life which allowed this shift to express through my being. And addressing codependency and enmeshment patterns in myself released a lot of the unhealthy attachments to past pains and misbegotten beliefs, which were at the root of the pain and turmoil I felt whenever I broke up with someone or a friendship ended.

I find myself strongly rooted in the knowing that what is mine to have will not miss me or be taken from me and that all that can be taken or end was not mine to keep. My hands which used to be sticky and grasping in their unconscious service to enmeshment and codependency, have been cleaned and opened up by knowing and devotion, only lightly hold what is given to me. Always ready to let everything go when their time has come. Trusting that they shall be replaced with more beautiful and enchanting things, people, feelings, places, or beliefs.

Now a parting is colored by the overflowing of gratitude for the times we had, the beauty and joy co-created, and trust in the wisdom of consciousness which is leading us in different directions. Even if my human dislikes certain behaviors of the other in parting, she doesn’t linger on those but follows the lead of the heart into gratitude and the lead of spirit into the field of infinite possibilities opening at this point of parting.

My latest experience of a breakup felt eerily equanimous verging on joyful.

There were no feelings of loss, anger, or disappointment but feelings of awe for the beauty of the experiences had, the lessons learned, and gratitude. Gratitude that there is more that life has in store for me as I integrate the insights and lessons and that I do not have to settle for less than the dream which is alive in me.

Of course I am cognizant of the shortcomings in him and myself, as well as the aspects that render us incompatible, nonetheless my focus lies intentionally on what was great, special, or exceptional. I can appreciate the poet, and the joy of being loved in my own love language, the delight to delve into the bliss of presence with another. And I can see the aspects of myself that need healing and discipline in order to prevent them from overriding my integrity. My internal self work focus lies on the aspects of my being which enabled, attracted, and were meant to be illuminated by this experience in their need for balance and/or growth.

I woke the next morning with sunshine in my heart and being to a day filled with synchronicities, serendipity, and abundance of love. And that is how it remained. This is what it feels like to part ways when I am more fully integrated and aligned than I ever was: Easeful, grateful, compassionate, appreciative, loving, and light.

Who knows maybe this was available all along?
And maybe it is time to write new narratives about breakups?
It sure is for me.
So why not for you?

I am sure there are many beautiful experiences of breakups out there…
Please feel free to share yours and make them more visible and accessible as a seed of hope and change for others!

Photography by Unknown

The post Changing the Narrative on Break Ups appeared first on Venuskind.

For letting me repose in and relish desireless EMPTINESS and delight in embodying the void.

For making me ask myself how I can bring more of the qualities of the VOID to my experiences and encounters.

For teaching me to face REALITY as it is and stop fighting, denying, or projecting upon it from fear and a lack of acceptance.

For helping me get crystal clear who ‘my kind of people’ are by correcting my perceptions of embodied and lived SPIRITUALITY and alignment with my being.

For making me read Alexandra Stein’s “Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems” and plunging me into revisiting my past to purge more of the damages incurred by MANIPULATION, BETRAYAL, COERCION and OPPRESSION. A harrowing and dark experience which liberated me and created space for more possibilities in my perceptions and life.

For ongoing and potent DREAMWORK to release past woundings and misperception, inspire new lines of inquiry, and to introduce new emotional and energetic set points.

For deepening my lessons on FULLY SURRENDERING to SELF, teaching me to let go of willing and instead to intend and show up, while trusting deeply in the fulfillment of my Soul’s desires. Releasing more of my identifications with my tribe of selves as well as becoming more compassionate and considerate of them.

Teaching me that the BLISS the mystics speak of is not just to be found in ‘peak experiences’ or ‘peak phenomena’ but also in the elation derived from surrender to Self, heart-centered being (not emotion-centered being there is a crucial difference), the integration of shadow, and the transmutation of the conditioned self through the luminous power of consciousness. This kind of bliss is not reliant on external circumstances or the absence of pain or suffering, its subtle and pervasive nature shines through all of experience and brings levity and joy to the attuned being, which in turn allows for even more expansion into being and blissfulness.

For healing more of my MISPERCEPTIONS and ATTACHMENTS to one of my parents, moving me from the toxicity of neediness and resentment towards compassionate detachment.

For DEARMORING me and teaching me to feel more and cultivate useful skills in navigating life from a more open and vulnerable state by deepening my trust and Self-leadership.

For guiding me to expand into PLAYFULNESS and release limiting thinking and self censorship.

For teaching me to RELATE and LOVE in a new way by gifting me with deeply meaningful and expansive explorative experiences with evolutionary minded Souls. Allowing me to get intimate with all aspects of myself and become clear on what I truly need, want, and desire in relationships and how to manifest it, whilst reminding me to beware of settling for ‘less than’ my being desires.

For giving me the realization that I no longer turn to LOVE RELATIONSHIPS as a panacea for a deficit of love, as that has been taken care of by self and tribe love, but to co-create evolutionary containers for shared magical and extraordinary adventures.

For making me conscious of the unconscious AMBIVALENCE towards men that steeped relating with them into a dualistic dynamic of desire/delight on the one hand and fear/repulsion on the other.

For teaching me about the importance of an internal felt sense of EQUALITY, POWER, and ADMIRATION in love relationships.

For giving me opportunities to practice OPENING FULLY to a man and surrendering to the experience of relating with trust. And also reminding me that having an attraction, great connection, or feelings of love for someone doesn’t imply a need for turning it into a committed relationship.

For helping me remember, reclaim, and update old DREAMS and aspects of my being.

For inspiring me to create a new VISION BOARD from a knowing of wholeness and understanding of what fulfills and grows me instead of the distortions of desires and unconscious scarcity beliefs.

For giving me an opportunity to actively and PHYSICALLY CHANGE what doesn’t align with or serve me, which was unbelievable rewarding and important at this point of my journey. After years of having been taught to be patient and trust the unfolding without physically intervening this felt especially liberating and delightful.

For reminding me what great delight and pride I take in the WORK OF MY OWN HANDS and that it is way sweeter than enjoying the luxury of having someone else take care of stuff for me. And that no matter how tired, sore or exhausted I felt my little bull’s heart was aglow with glee.

For giving me ample opportunities to be sensing, experiencing and seeing the vastness of my STRENGTH, DISCIPLINE, and PERSISTENCE in expression and enjoy how amazing it feels.

For allowing me to discard things, which my mother had held onto without my consent or knowing, and which kept unwanted energetic cords alive with past aspects of my life. And for the delight that followed said DISCARDING as rushes of energy returned to my body and being.

For granting me the knowing that every part of me and the ego mind which operates on adversarial perceptions and narratives becomes a SLAVE to duality.

For teaching me that mastering DUALITY does not mean directing or dominating it but rather knowing its true nature and engaging it from consciousness without submitting to identifications, attachments, and dogma.

MASTERY in the mystical sense is not about domination, as that is beholden to fear not love, it is about being ONE WITH duality and playing with its seeming contrasts in creative, joyful, aligned and expansive ways. Seeing through its appearance of duality and contrast to perceive the underlying oneness.

For teaching me about the need and joy of living from ALERT PRESENCE. Not an alertness in the sense of vigilance (which is mostly rooted in fear) but alertness arising from being fully present, open and in harmonic resonance with the rhythm and flow of life.

For giving me the realization that these times call me to be with WHAT IS without getting entangled or invited into shadow play by narratives and stories wanting to wrap themselves around it. They call for my ability to stand strong in my discerning sovereignty and Self while engaging with the moment from curiosity, playfulness, compassion and love. To be CONCURRENTLY SEPARATE and ONE WITH ALL.

Teaching me to no longer allow my mind/body to be pulled in false dichotomies, meet dualities with a knowing and intent of ‘both/and’ to break the spells of limitations and distortion, and to allow Consciousness to offer new perspectives and pathways to INFINITE POSSIBILITIES from the vastness of its wisdom. New perspectives and solutions which not only help me navigate the challenges set before me but also to thrive and delight in engaging with them.

For sensitizing me to the fact that due to my experience of spiritual trauma and entrainment of a narcissistic God, I have to be mindful that the deep-set distrust and ambivalence towards said deity does not CROSS CONTAMINATE subconsciously my relationship with inner Presence (higher Self) or Source.

For teaching me to reclaim and step into my INNOCENCE and access the immense power and spaciousness it comes with as I consistently love on my inner child.

For challenging me to get past linguistic obstacles and learn to express VULNERABILITY as easily in German as I have learned to do in English. Helping me drop some of the unhelpful cultural conditionings and reigniting my love for the poetry and richness of the German language.

For bringing back old and new MALE FRIENDS into my life and teaching us to relate on higher levels of awareness, authenticity, vulnerability, compassion and love. I appreciate and welcome the replacement of friendships lost in years back and the upping of masculine energy in my circles. Acknowledging the fulfillment of longheld wish.

For ending on a gift and high note, which give me a knowing and positive outlook on 2022’s oncoming magic and gifts.

Photography: Chelsea Jackson Roberts by Francesco Mastalia

The post Thank You 2021 appeared first on Venuskind.

Every move onwards is initiated by a need for what the new is about to gift me and the knowing that the old has become irremediably dissonant to my being. Followed by a phase of in-betweenness where two incongruent belongings push and pull at parts of me to a point of unbearability, which finally results in my surrender and releasing of old self, identity, labels, attachments, and sometimes even people as the new unapologetically takes center space in my life.

The surrender period is preceded and suffused with similar sensations and feelings as disillusionment and emptiness come with. A phase where I began to taste the Void, in a minuscule dose at first, and in exponentially growing extents as the repetitions and decades rolled by. It is only in the past few years that I started to recognize and know the Void, befriended her and became aware of the sweetness of her nature and gifts. From being in, and in time communing with, the Void something new begins to take form and become part of my embodied experience. Lately it has become a negotiation of form as the new proposes a form for itself and awaits patiently my embodied co-creative response in order to either choose a new form or begin to weave itself into the tapestry of my life.

The loss of identification with a relationship, group, identity, label, or self perception is a bittersweet process where feelings of fear, loss and grief lead into moments of bereft solitude which transform by and by into an expanded sense of freedom, possibilities and gratitude.

These processes in their internal, and rather non-physical, nature are often not accessible or understood by others, whose life and soul path is not laid out to take the twists and turns mine seems to thrive on. All that is visible and accessible to them is a change in me, my behaviors, my loss of interest or engagement with things we once shared, and sometimes even a cooling in my affects. I sometimes struggle with the same things myself. And yet experience has taught me the best way in dealing with such shifts is to accept them and fully surrender myself to what wants to be.

I have no words or answers to give to others, or myself for that matter, which will explain the above process in a way that makes it more palatable or graspable for those who lack personal experiential knowing of this. I can attempt to explain but it seems inevitably to falls short and leave both sides disappointed or confused.

In time I have come to accept my being and the eeriness of my life as it is, after countless repeated inquiries into it (is it avoidance? A bypass? Or some other form of pathology?) and tries to go against my inner guidance to hold on to the old and paying dearly for it. Mind you, this is no defeatism, just the hard won wisdom of accepting life as it is and no longer trying to make it fit concepts human minds created.

This is part of what has dis-identified me from many social contracts, conditionings and expectations still alive in the majority of humans. This, amongst many other things, has let me know Reality (the creation of the One/Consciousness) extends far wider than our (western) thinking and conditioning allows us to perceive or even think possible. It has taught me to become warily aware of the stories we humans tell ourselves about the nature of existence and reality. And it has nurtured a yearning for more engagement with the fabric of Reality instead of the virtual constructs of the mind we mistakenly call reality. But that is a whole different universe onto itself.

I feel myself journeying through another of these shifts, which has been stretching over a few years now. A shift that has kept releasing self concepts, beliefs, narratives, identifications, alignments with groups, people to the point of feeling untethered, unattached, unallied, impartial, detached, and mildly disinterested in the fabrications of the human mind from a sense of vastness, oneness and balance. In this eerie in-between space between the old and whatever new is birthing through us, the inner tribe has been torn between wanting to hold on to the common ground shared with others and being pulled by Spirit into new dimensions of being, perceiving and engaging with life from less distortion and with more of Reality. If you will the later is to me like water to a thirsty traveler traversing the heat and barrenness of the desert.

Currently I find myself reposing in the Void – she has become so familiar I sometimes forget I have yet to step out of her to really play and co-create with the new. The ongoing shift seems to have a different magnitude and therefore the process of negotiating a form of whatever is coming in is slower and for the first time feels like a co-creational process shared with other souls, which takes attunement for coherence and is probably why it is taking years.
To say I am curious and excited to know what is being co-created and with whom would be a stark understatement. I sense that part of the souls I am co-creating with are not yet part of my human experience, while the identity of those who are might surprise me, and yet others feel like non-physical kin to me (ancestral, star).

Giving up on trying to want to make sense of it with my human mind, or worse trying to know the timing and next steps to it gives me peace and the spaciousness to play within this current experience. And it supports me in holding this internal flux Reality while engaging on the human dimension with stagnant dynamics, things, places, and patterns which feel immaterial, illusive, and anachronistic to me.

Life remains magnificent and strange in its exquisitely mysterious way.

Art: Gold Couture II by Design Fabrikken

The post In-betweenness appeared first on Venuskind.

When pure awareness shines the light of perception on something it knows it down to the multi-dimensional nature and creative potentiality of consciousness it is made of. It is the power of this kind of perception that awakens flow and transformative potentiality in the observed if it is in a stagnant state. 

This, and only this, level of awareness beyond the mind of the small self creates true change and freedom. Not the awareness of the human mind, not to acknowledgment by the small self but the presence and awareness of the Self and its higher dimensional frequency.

Whenever the small self observes something it re-affirms and recreates the observed from history, collective agreements, conditionings, concepts and ideas embedded in language which perpetuates the dysfunctional patterns of the matrix. Yet when we operate from a union of self and Self, and as the Self observes from a zero-point consciousness the observed is recreated and affirmed in a new form with a new potential for expression.

I immensely enjoy my lessons on the workings and mechanics of consciousness and the technologies of creatively and positively engaging with the quantum field. 

Art: The Bridge by Patrick Tilp

The post Awareness appeared first on Venuskind.

But what after all, behind appearances, is this seeming mystery? We can see that it is the Consciousness which had lost itself returning again to itself, emerging out of its giant self-forgetfulness, slowly, painfully, as a Life that is, would be sentient, half-sentient, dimly sentient, wholly sentient and finally struggles to be more than sentient, to be again divinely self conscious, free, infinite, immortal. ~ Sri Aurobindo

I often use the word consciousness and in using it I can already sense the ones who will misunderstand it and mistake my sharings to be about their experience of the waking mind. But consciousness lies beyond the physical brain and body-mind, and though accessible with practice, it is not experienced by many. Especially not by those who have internalized and identified with the disregard for everything that is not pure logic or a product of the mental.

In walking our path the expanding of our senses and ascent through higher layers of mind is not easily and correctly tracked or known without context or contrast. It often takes the encounter of contrast and the limitations we feel when sharing what has become normal and accepted to us with someone who listens intently but has not the slightest clue of what we are talking about. I am not talking about people who are intellectually lazy or unimaginative but about intelligent, engaged and open-minded people. And yet they cannot understand or even remotely grasp the realness, form, function and expansive natures of Intuition and aspects of the Overmind. 

Here again intuition will be read as the gut instinct which is not quite what I mean. The gut instinct is a subconscious body-mind response which is informed by previous experiences of this lifetime as well as  ancestral and karmic memories, its fundamental goal is assuring our survival and safety, and this is what most people experience singularly as intuition. Yet I have come to experience another layer or emanation of intuition which is not sourced from the body-mind and whose objectives are based on alignment with higher Self and Source. An intuition that can be accessed in the higher mind/ overmind layers and necessitates a different kind of silence and attunement to receive and know it. This is what I meant by intuition earlier.

As with many things our lower minds will struggle to accept or believe in the existence of the heart mind, higher mind and higher intuition dimensions until we experience and know aspects of mind beyond the mental and physical. To get there takes a disciplined practice of inner vision, self reflection, knowing and silencing the mind and a capacity to receive and be open without judgement or expectation. This takes whatever time our system needs and our souls choose, for some it will be short for others a long journey. 

All progress on our spiritual path is a gift of grace and not a matter of achievement through doing things right or long enough as I was reminded emphatically a while back. There is nothing to feel superior about as we were graced with whatever access and use of our being we have, nor do we need to feel envy over the gifts of others as life unfolds perfectly for our individual soul’s growth and quest.

This year I have been taken further in my learning and being, and was granted the gift of being united with woman whose gifts are more subtle and expansive than mine. Whose being and sharings speak to the path and magic which lie ahead of this journey into divine self consciousness and freedom.

Yet with gifts we also have to accept the “price” they come at as we are changing. I became aware that I take decidedly less pleasure, sustenance and meaning from connecting with someone not on this journey or not advanced enough in it. Such connections though lovely in a lot of other ways I appreciate and value feel like someone drained color, textures and tastes from life. These exchanges lack aliveness and the delicious shared knowing of the magical glitter of consciousness sparkling through all of life. It took me by surprise and saddened me deeply to own and accept this. 

The change I feel internally can be best compared to suddenly realizing that eating apples no longer pleases and nourishes you but to the contrary it makes you feel hungrier and unwell. And necessitates coming to grips with the loss you feel at knowing it still is a beautiful and sweet apple others can fully enjoy, as you did before you changed and lost your ability to metabolize it.

I am surprised that most parts of me take this loss in a stride and that it didn’t incite a woe-is-me-feeling. I guess the past decade of stripping away all that is not true and real to my soul has trained my lower minds to become better at accepting what is than I give them credit for.

And so the journey continues as I choose once again surrendering and opening to the mystery of consciousness.

The post Mind, Intuition and Consciousness appeared first on Venuskind.

If I cannot speak the true name of something, consistently, it retains its power over me and I will not grant such power to anything or anyone.

Calling things by their true name has a deeply transformative effect that can be felt viscerally as well as subtly. It rips the veils of gaslighting, manipulation and mind control by disrupting their false narratives and distortions of reality. Allowing for integration and healing of the past by reclaiming our sovereignty and standing in the power of our truth.
Words have power. We need to use them wisely, not as weapons to hurt another, as we were taught, but as tools of dismantling illusions, lies, oppressions and injustices within as much as without.

Therefore I will keep calling the “religious group” I grew up in a CULT as that is what it is, I will speak about my childhood’s spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and sexual ABUSE and TRAUMA as many have and are currently experiencing the same and worse, I will speak about having been a REFUGEE fleeing WAR and being an IMMIGRANT for visibility and hope in support of those experiencing it today, I will speak about RACISM, WHITE SUPREMACY, MISOGYNY and MISANDRY and other TOXIC CONDITIONINGS we all share as much as I will speak of all the gifts and treasures I received along with and through these experiences.

I don’t do this to garner pity or attention for my “poor self” but to disrupt that pattern by a) normalizing truthful speech sans bypassing or sugar coating of the shadow aspects for myself and those who welcome it, b) by embodying that what happened in my life doesn’t define or limit me, and c) to end the silence and/or to shift the way we perceive and speak about shadow and dark aspects.
When I center the shadow aspects or what might be perceived as negative or triggering name for an experience or period of my life, it is not done in a spirit of forgetting about or dismissing the good that came with it by holding to a negative frame of my experiences. It is done in service of making the unseen visible by illuminating the dark and its potential gifts. I have not forgotten the good nor do I lack in gratitude for it.

There will be no enabling, support or celebration of avoidance or pity parties to be had with me. There will be inquiry, curiosity, openness, empathy, compassion, laughter and tears as we candidly reflect your experiences and mine.
There will be no trigger warnings here. I trust you to manage information according to your needs and resources.

The light of awareness, truth, love and consciousness are alchemical agents of transformation. When we speak truth to lies, illuminate the dark, and cut the chords of identification and attachments our words can speak magnificient new realities into being. This is the path I choose to walk and you are welcome to walk by my side.

Photography & Digital Art: Unknown

The post True Name appeared first on Venuskind.

To break or decompose into constituent elements, parts, or small particles.                               To undergo a change in composition.

Disintegration is an intrinsic part of our human life and spiritual journey. We experience it not only during the so-called dark night of the soul but also in cycles of purification, purging and at the onset of major new beginnings. 

Most who experiences it for the first time get caught up in the egoic fear of ego death which can be so intense and paralyzing it keeps us stuck in the storm. Yet whenever we manage to sit with our experience, breathe into it and bring awareness to our sensations, feelings and thoughts we can find moments of calm and replenish our energy. When we practice presence and delve deeper into our experience we eventually tap into other layers of feelings like peace, awe (for the mystery of our life and being), joy (of existence), playfulness and excitement. 

May we all learn to step courageously into the genius and potentiality of the chaotic aliveness of disintegration, expanding further into the vastness of existence as we dance a new aligned composite into being!

Photography: Unknown

The post Disintegration appeared first on Venuskind.

“Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.”                           ~ William P. Young

I am grateful for stumbling on the above quote because it opened the floodgates of what has been wordlessly percolating within me for weeks and finally allowed me to form words where there were mainly sensations and feelings.

Someone I loved fell short of love and acted in way that was hurtful and unacceptable to my being. Though I forgave them I chose to distance myself and later to embrace their choice of a cessation of our contact. 

Knowing that emotionally triggering situations can cloud my discernment as the ego is quite versed in using all sorts of wiles to make its unloving nonsense appear like a loving choice… I wondered if I had truly forgiven them or was unconsciously acting from old woundings.

On deeper inquiry I felt that I wasn’t acting from feeling hurt or ego but couldn’t make sense of the seemingly abrupt decision to end the connection with such finality.

Reading the words “When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established” ripped the veils of confusion: I had forgiven them yet I knew there was no true change and no hope of such change in a near future.

When another neither feels, senses, knows or is capable of reflecting what their wrongdoing was there is no realistic hope for change. And the last incident was merely the last straw that broke the camels back, I had experienced several confusing expressions of their limitations… the moment they made their issues not only into a passive aggressive jibe on social media but an elaborated exhibition of lachrymosity across several public posts I was thoroughly disabused of my predominantly positive perceptions of them.

There was no relationship of trust left. 

I do not choose to trust people who assign responsibility for their own feelings to others, I do not choose to  trust people who disrespect the privacy of our relating by posting about it publicly. 

Attempting to shame me by tagging me on said posts isn’t loving in my book either. That kind of emotional blackmail hasn’t worked on me for the past two decades. More malicious and expert players at this game have taught me too early and well to make me fall for this trap any longer.

“Forgiving you is my gift to you.                                                                    Moving on is my gift to myself.”                                                                    ~ Unknown

I harbor no resentment towards them, there is compassion and understanding in my heart for them as well as a crystal clear knowing they are not my kind of person after all. Which was disappointing and disillusioning but also insightful and eventually freeing. 

There are things I would do differently now thanks to the experiences I had. This shall inform future connections and other relationships and further gentle my responses with compassion even when they trigger core wounds.

I am grateful for the experiences I shared with them, the magic and beauty of connection, the catalytic effects I had on them and the lessons they taught me. In my mind our karmic contract has been fulfilled and paid in full. I wish them well wherever their path leads them. And I hope we are granted the grace of not crossing paths anymore unless our vibrations are truly aligned.

Integrity is one of my core values, therefore I am glad that I have been gentle and loving with myself while also vigilant that I do not entrap myself in darkness. 

As in all of life’s twists and turns, I remain a grateful, messy, learning, loving and playful work in progress.

Photography: Unknown

The post Forgiveness and Relating appeared first on Venuskind.