Accountability

The aspects I want to share pertains to how I currently respond to the needs or neediness of another.

Still not fully comfortable with neediness, which expresses through a victim narrative or whiny tonality, I find myself struggling to calm myself and dig deeper for compassion, as I am triggered to reject and and turn away from the experience. Realizing that the desire to distance myself from the emotions and expressions of the other is no longer solely rooted in conditioning but also in service of a primal knowing. A knowing that engaging with and entertaining such energies feeds the victim/whiny aspects in me, which I no longer wish to feed or strengthen, to the contrary.

And as I take full accountability of reacting in a poorer way than I would like, I am acknowledging the need to use better tools and practice being with energies I am integrating without a feeling of or being ‘tainted’ ,aka ‘contaminated,’ by them. In reflecting deeper on that, I became aware that I already can do so in connections that have a certain emotional depth and fluidity. Pointing towards the relationship of feeling emotionally disconnect, resulting protectivity, and the fragility to such energies. An obvious relationship, but as so often, not something I was conscious of in the moment. This needs some repetition and deepening of knowing to ensure access to it when I feel insecure or triggered.

Choice

A more novel aspect to that is the spaciousness I have gained in how I want to respond to another’s need in the moment.

Until now my nature and conditioning didn’t even allow for a pause and reflection if I want to show up in the way the other needs or asks me whenever I saw or sensed they were in pain. It was as if pain disabled any thought of myself and put me into a self-sacrificing autopilot or trance state of giving my all. Now I am allowing self love to enter and transform this hereto unconscious layer of relating in me.
This trauma reflex is also why I had such a hard time understanding, and respecting, people who could turn a cold shoulder in the face of another’s moment of need or pain. I still see that as an unpalatable thing but the emotional charge has lessened dramatically thanks to this insight and spaciousness entering this contracted aspect of self.

Discernment

Faced with someone whose idea of support consisted of making myself into a receptacle (or ‘dumping ground’ as my protectors would call it) for their narratives and emotions without asking question for clarity nor commenting in any other way, allowed for another insight.

Something in me balked at their expectation, mind you this was not a request to me but an expectations dripping with judgement. Which is why I celebrate my resistance as an expression of progress in setting self loving boundaries.

Their expectation was reminiscent of something I observed and verbalized in my mid twenties about the dynamics of relating with men. I felt they used me as ’emotional landfill’ as they would come to me and dump their unresolved shit to then saunter off and enjoy their new-found lightness in pretty much total disregard of me. A lightness bought at the cost of my emotional balance and energy. Infuriatingly they remained ignorant of the fact that they have dumped their emotional shit on me, necessitating me to carry the weight of it as enabler of their avoidance. Yuck! Thankfully another murky pattern I have patiently worked my way out of. Which is why I did not show up in the way they wanted but in a way that was aligned with what I know to be healthy for me and caring for another.

I am expressing ever more clearly a resounding NO to subtle ways others (un)consciously try to avoid doing their work, non-consensually dumping their load, and abusing my willingness to support another. Even if someone is in pain, or pulls on my heart-strings I am no longer blind to the pattern of turning me into a complicit in their self-disempowerment and avoidance of taking full responsibility for themselves and their experience of life. I am putting an end to my part in this dysfunctional dynamic pattern. And I cannot express how happy it makes me to see the expansion of this transformative process.

It makes it worth having had the low vibe experience that allowed for these insights and reflections.

Sovereignty

If it really needs mentioning:
The final say on if and how I support someone lies with me. Even though I am inviting you to share your requests, and open to negotiating with you what and how I can offer – No one gets to decide how and where my energy is invested apart from Self, Spirit and myself.

Trying to manipulate your way to controlling my behavior and self expression will get you one thing only: The end of relating as I walk away.

I remain fully available to growth-oriented relating based on sovereignty, freedom, humor, playfulness, self knowledge, compassion, and love/consciousness. And when I speak of growth, I am using the term in a deeply spiritual definition of the willingness and capacity to face, acknowledge, love, and integrate one’s shadow and learn to do the same with the shadow of the other. I am fully aware that this is calling for the master class of relating, it takes a ton of courage, resilience, responsibility for self, self knowledge, and willingness to vulnerably and openly share your internal world to allow another know and feel you in your light and shadow. And I am fully willing to learn to fail better in this way of relating and learning with another, to deepen in awareness and discernment, to become better at repair and gentleness with self and other… to go through all highs and lows of this path as long as we meet on this ground.

This is my baseline for relating.

Meet me there or watch me move on to better aligned experiences and beings.

Photoart by Zac Cannon

The post Relational Insights appeared first on Venuskind.

These are some of my reflections at the end of this adventure in humaning.

Men of my age and older

Having been surrounded for more than a decade by very aware, caring and spiritual people has upped all my baselines for communicating and relating. And engaging with mainstream ‘normal’ men gained a surreal retro feel thanks to the evolution and growth shared in various communities. I caught myself over and over in surprised and speechless moments of “People are still doing this and not aware enough to see it for what it is and change or grow?”

Habituated to fellow growth-minded people the slow pace of progression and learning in others, coupled with an unadulterated and unapologetic rigidity in holding on to dysfunction felt not only alien but put me off, even if the man had other good qualities.

A history of immersion in psychology, communication sciences and being part of the polyamory community has taught me early on about communication, consideration and respect for another’s needs and feelings. So much so that it has become second nature and my world is primarily populated with people who are eloquent practitioners of it. Therefore the disjointed communication styles, absence of consideration of my needs and feelings, unabashed egocentricity, unconscious mind games, ego tantrums and other manipulative attempts felt jarring and alienating. And I realized these block communicating and relating so much that even the most basic levels of these are repeatedly or permanently unavailable with these men. Though the reasons for said blockages are amalgamated by individual unaddressed patterning and wounding the general dynamic was quite repetitive.

Overall I observed the immensity of emotional and spiritual poverty rampant in men of my age, the ways they try to compensate or flee it (sex, status, money, etc.) and the suffering, fragility and loneliness underneath all their striving or posturing as they have achieved enough of their goals to be confronted with their fecklessness in the face of the hole within they tried to fill with them.
I am saddened by how few of them are courageous and willing enough to face their shadow and integrate it now. Too many messages and conversations had men acknowledge that they probably should address this or that and then giving me rationalizations and excuses why they won’t just now or ever. Of course change and healing is impossible, shouldn’t I know?

With men who are spiritual and have their own self work journey the fault lines lie along similar lines though in a more tempered and less obvious way. They also strive and posture by displaying their spiritual practices, jobs, achievements – the more integrated have a humorous awareness of it when pointed to it while others will react with the same fragility to be found in other men. I cannot help but see a lack of decisive actions and investment in things of value due to the ease of being distracted or too sluggish to leave the (spiritual) comfort zone. A lack of ability to slay the Buddha on the path and progress beyond on the one hand and the inability or unwillingness to marry spirituality with the mundane on the other.

Conditioning is truly strong and finds ways to operate in new ways along old lines, the spiritualized ego is just one of the more visible ways this shows itself. If we do not keep alert, sharpening our awareness and consciousness our human affinity for comfort and consistency will limit our progress and insert unhealthy stagnation and calcification. A valuable reminder to be honored.

Power differentials

The most fascinating experience I made for the first time in this intensity and across all encounters is a dynamic power differential which put me in the stronger position without any intent or effort on my side.
All the disappointments, heartbreaks, and subsequent ongoing self work that emotional unfulfilment has brought into my experience has blossomed and is bearing a magical fruit. Said fruit is twofold as it manifests as the ability to fill my own cup by having a variety of ways and flexibility to fulfill my needs independent of a singular other. Sitting alone and dropping inside already washes away all burdens, worries, and needs in the luminosity of presence and equanimity. Taking full responsibility for my experience has grown and transcended me beyond the strangling grip of trauma and conditioning into a state of compassionate self love that allows me to navigate life with awareness, trust, playfulness and inner strength.
The second manifestation is the curated life I have been slowly building from the inside out, rich in connections and relationships that can nurture me more than *enough* and which evolve and grow steadily and healthily. When filling my cup internally or from Spirit doesn’t quite hit the point there are cherished friends and acquaintances who will do it. And often it takes only a word or sentence here, a hug, moments of shared laughter or commiseration. Even little things are superfoods to my heart and Soul in this web of love that lights up around and in me.

Having worked on my childhood trauma and with my sexual desires and energy has shifted my relationship with sex in ways I haven’t had a chance of being so acutely aware of in the absence of viable sex partners. I realized that the past years had taught me to transform the dense, sharp, burning imminence of sexual desire into other forms of energy in service of my spiritual practice or into a gentle, encompassing, warm, expansive erotic energy that is more akin to a wide flowing river than the intensity of burning fiery sexual need. My urges no longer hijack or control my being, I can feel, sense and take pleasure in them without having to act on them right here and now, frustration, or loss of the energy. There is no enslavement nor opposition to sexual desires, just an allowing, awareness and loving intentional engagement. Which is very different to the way it dominated and drove the decisions and action of the men I encountered, even the spiritual with a few exceptions (true tantric practitioners). This dominating drive was often the reason why connection was impossible as their system had concept of relating and connecting outside of sex. Not only a mental poverty but also a terrible pattern of starving the emotional body.

I enter every encounter as a whole being open to new experiences, cognizant of the goodness and abundance of life, while these men act from mindsets built on scarcity, competition, domination and neediness. A power differential asserts itself as I am less driven than them, moving at the pace of my awareness and intuition, my desires for the encounter being for it to be respectful, kind, and interesting/expansive. While on the other side they are under pressure to fulfill their burning needs and desires for ‘the one,’ sex, admiration, alleviation of loneliness, filling the emptiness in their life, etc. The exception being that spiritual guys have less of a pressure and more of a desire and the best of them meeting me in a similar openness to mine.

This calls for extra mindfulness and compassion in my words and actions in order not to enter into the dysfunctional patterns this power difference might invite and to be kind and caring towards the tender aspects of the man. Gifts always come with new responsibilities to keep relating balanced and fair.

Take away for me

All the work to disempower and dismantle romantic conditioning and be more spacious about relating and loving has changed how I perceive relationships, my visions and needs in relating with an intimate partner or friend, and lastly me. I can smile at my inner romantic when she starts going off creating Hollywood movies in her future projections, and still stay anchored in awareness and act from my higher senses and mind.
No longer a slave to these narratives by blindly following them nor by rebelling against them, I have learned to allow life to write an authentic and healthier narrative into every encounter with potential while practicing detachment from outcomes and surrender to the way life unfolds.

And so here I am in a state of awe of the wholeness this path has gifted me. Grateful for the expansion of my awareness, the learning of skills that help me navigate challenging feelings and pains of the past with tender compassion and firmness in service of the wellbeing of all. Grateful for the lessoning of the selfishness and self absorption of the ego which used to blind me to the needs, wants, desires, and feelings of others in the pursuit of my emotional fulfillment. Thankful for leaning into interdependence, allowing vulnerability, honesty and tenderness to strip me to my essential nature and truths in the face of worthy beloveds, learning and practicing how to keep filling another’s cup while keeping mine full *enough*.

I bow in gratitude for my teachers in the past months for the insights and learning they co-created with me. Grateful for them helping me realize that companionship and friendship are fundamental to me and my vision of an evolutionary and fulfilling relationship and that many fail to meet the basic skills and awareness needed for that starting point, let alone the evolutionary trajectory I see as intrinsic to my life and loving. Grateful for making me realize how unique and special a man has to be to co-create a relationship and life with me that would be worthwhile to surrender my aloneness for. Laying the foundation for the proper appreciation and gratitude for the one that will take this role in times to come. Grateful for making me more committed to my path and consciousness work to avoid the pitfalls of conditioning, rigidity, and stagnation which render us lifeless.
Hoping from the bottom of my heart that our encounter was in some little way enriching and nourishing to them and that their Soul flourishes and delights along the path she choose.

Last but not least I bow in gratitude and awe to Life/Self/Source for the playfulness, love, creativity, care, and challenges they pepper my life experience with. And for the blessed and indomitable knowing that what is mine will never pass me by!

Photography Karen Williams by Paul Innis

The post Online Dating appeared first on Venuskind.

Being Needed

Neediness is a red flag because it speaks to a mind state of self disempowerment and delegation of responsibility for one’s life. That is something I have been training myself to release and no longer accept, enable or am willing to engage with in myself or others.
Being needed is different as it arises from a temporary state of exhaustion or overwhelm. I have learned to check in with my being to ascertain if I have the energy and capability of being supportive before answering another’s need. Equally I check myself when in need of support to honor the other’s agency in saying no to my request. And I make sure to observe the dynamic of being needed and helping to ensure it doesn’t become chronic or lastingly shift the relational dynamic or perception of each other. I am aware that both tempt me to step into old patterns of becoming a ‘helper’ and ‘over-giving’ before feelings of resentment start poisoning the waters.

Being Wanted

Being wanted generally feels good to the abandoned and neglected child I once was. It felt like something good and healing when I was younger and knew less about my inner workings. And for the most part it anesthetized or silenced the old wounds, which I then mistook for healing and goodness. But looking back I can see that it never had a healing effect and was just another tool of avoidance and perpetuation of the status quo. I see how easily being wanted becomes a dependence, a drug, I can hunger for and through which others can manipulate my feelings and wellbeing. And it rarely serves to feed the ego with what it hankers for if one is on a path of liberation, healing, and wholeness.

Being Valued

Being valued would have been hard to detect, understand and know for my younger self. I was too superficial, too conditioned to discern it and its unique qualia (quality of experience). When someone values me, everything they do and say differs from the actions and words of someone who wants or needs me. There is a balanced equality in the relational dynamic, a calm unhurriedness, a warmth of affection, and general openness and willingness to attune to me. Even if power differentials happen, they rarely move to the extremes and are part of a constant shifting and changing flow which doesn’t allow for fixed roles. When someone values me their engagement with me will more often than not take a form that nourishes the soul, there is a greater willingness and ease in giving, and much less of a grasping for my energy and being. I feel more spaciousness in these connections, more ease and grace.

There is an innocent joy in being helpful to someone in need, and I delight in giving of myself. And I no longer do it in a form that is depleting or harmful to myself or the relationship. That is in almost all of my relating, except with my primary care givers where I am still learning to calm my nervous system and uphold my boundaries.

It is nice enough to be wanted and I now look into the unvoiced or unknown motivations hidden in the wanting, the stickiness that would create distortions in the relational flow if left unexamined and unaddressed.

Not much compares to connections of reciprocal value and love, though.
The fabric of these connections feels light and luminous like gossamer and yet when put under strain it is stronger than Tungsten. The fabric of connections built on want or need are more fragile, volatile, and lacking in resilience in comparison. Which is why I prefer being valued and valuing those I connect with. Less may do for a while, at a distance, or until lessons are learned and contracts are fulfilled.

With gratitude for the eternal Guru and her infinite wisdom and guidance in this complex dimension of consciousness evolution.

Photography by Venuskind

The post Being Needed, Wanted, Valued? appeared first on Venuskind.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn…
With every goodbye, you learn.

~ Veronica Shoffstall

We all grow up with countless narratives on the pain, devastation, and overwhelm we can feel after a break up. Countless movies, songs, and books have colored our collective consciousness for centuries and millennia.

With the commitment to my spiritual journey, ongoing practices as well as psycho-spiritual integration work the nature of break ups has slowly begun to shift for me.

Prior to that a break up would ‘shred my heart’ and trigger a ceaseless storm of emotions in my being which ranged from abandonment, unlovability, and grief to anger, disappointment, and at times even disgust. Months of my lifetime would be absorbed by this inner turmoil and diminish my inner fire and life energy. All of which neatly follows our collective expectations and conditioning.

With the beginning of my journey I realized that the duration of this state pretty quickly dropped from several months to weeks. And with the focus on self love and my relationship with Source and Self the intensity of above mentioned emotions began to lessen tangibly. In the moment of a break up the thought of it happening in service of my growth and wellbeing was more and more present. While my inner tribe told the wounded parts that the one who was leaving my life was making place for someone who would be better aligned and more loving.

But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
And someday you will be loved

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved like you never have known
The memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred
But someday you will be loved

~ Death Cab for Cutie, Someday You Will Be Loved

In all of these years past I thought it would become easier to navigate break ups and the pain they caused me but not once did I imagine it to be possible to experience a break up and not feel pain. Why did the possibility never cross my mind? Because the belief that parting is painful is very deeply entrained, so deeply that I could not even conceptualize a reality where pain is not part of the picture. Looking back it saddens me how blinded my mind was to this whole new range of experiences which opened up for me a year ago.

On reflection I feel it is a deepening in surrender to Self-leadership and Soul guidance as well as trust in the benevolence of Source and life which allowed this shift to express through my being. And addressing codependency and enmeshment patterns in myself released a lot of the unhealthy attachments to past pains and misbegotten beliefs, which were at the root of the pain and turmoil I felt whenever I broke up with someone or a friendship ended.

I find myself strongly rooted in the knowing that what is mine to have will not miss me or be taken from me and that all that can be taken or end was not mine to keep. My hands which used to be sticky and grasping in their unconscious service to enmeshment and codependency, have been cleaned and opened up by knowing and devotion, only lightly hold what is given to me. Always ready to let everything go when their time has come. Trusting that they shall be replaced with more beautiful and enchanting things, people, feelings, places, or beliefs.

Now a parting is colored by the overflowing of gratitude for the times we had, the beauty and joy co-created, and trust in the wisdom of consciousness which is leading us in different directions. Even if my human dislikes certain behaviors of the other in parting, she doesn’t linger on those but follows the lead of the heart into gratitude and the lead of spirit into the field of infinite possibilities opening at this point of parting.

My latest experience of a breakup felt eerily equanimous verging on joyful.

There were no feelings of loss, anger, or disappointment but feelings of awe for the beauty of the experiences had, the lessons learned, and gratitude. Gratitude that there is more that life has in store for me as I integrate the insights and lessons and that I do not have to settle for less than the dream which is alive in me.

Of course I am cognizant of the shortcomings in him and myself, as well as the aspects that render us incompatible, nonetheless my focus lies intentionally on what was great, special, or exceptional. I can appreciate the poet, and the joy of being loved in my own love language, the delight to delve into the bliss of presence with another. And I can see the aspects of myself that need healing and discipline in order to prevent them from overriding my integrity. My internal self work focus lies on the aspects of my being which enabled, attracted, and were meant to be illuminated by this experience in their need for balance and/or growth.

I woke the next morning with sunshine in my heart and being to a day filled with synchronicities, serendipity, and abundance of love. And that is how it remained. This is what it feels like to part ways when I am more fully integrated and aligned than I ever was: Easeful, grateful, compassionate, appreciative, loving, and light.

Who knows maybe this was available all along?
And maybe it is time to write new narratives about breakups?
It sure is for me.
So why not for you?

I am sure there are many beautiful experiences of breakups out there…
Please feel free to share yours and make them more visible and accessible as a seed of hope and change for others!

Photography by Unknown

The post Changing the Narrative on Break Ups appeared first on Venuskind.

I am writing this as a shared inquiry for you and me and allow reflections on expressions of power and inquiry into our experiences answer what makes power in or of a couple an expression of healthy/balanced dynamics or individuals and when it is an unhealthy/unbalanced expression for us individually. Abstaining from sharing my take on what makes a power couple feel dysfunctional/unhealthy and what qualifies and sets a powerful couple apart for me, though I have gained quite some clarity on it, allows more space for your explorations and truths sans coloring or limitations due to my perceptions and biases.

Power is never static, for power is not a thing that we can hold or store, it is a movement, a relationship, a balance, fluid and changing. The power one person can wield over another is dependent on a myriad of external factors and subtle agreements.
~Starhawk

Expressions of Power

Let us begin by touching on the different expressions of power we may be observing or unconsciously conflating. They might help us discern differences, make new layers visible, and inspire reflections on how we wish to express and nurture power in all our relationships. For the sake of brevity I will only share short definitions, which are far from exhaustive but hopefully give you an idea of the mentioned expressions of power.

Power Over

Most of what we have learned to think of as power is power over. This type of power is derived from and built on hierarchy, domination, coercion, force or control. It necessitates someone to have power while others have none or little, it can be as benign as a chair having power over our posture and as dangerous as someone having coercive power over another’s wellbeing or life.
Power over arises from a (un)conscious belief in scarcity and separation consciousness.

Power Within

Power within arises from an individual or collective sense of self-worth, value, dignity, capacity and includes the ability to recognize differences while respecting others. This is enhanced on the spiritual path as we cultivate self love and embrace as well as experience more of our capacity to change ourselves and our realities.

Power To

This power is rooted in the belief (or knowing) that every individual has the power to make a difference. Arising from the unique potential of every being to shape their life and world, it is a power to make a difference, create something new, or to achieve goals and visions. This is where our gifts to the world express as an aligned and blessing form of power.

Power With

Power with is shared power which arises from cooperation and relationships, the ability to act together. It helps build bridges across different interests, experiences, and knowledge and is about bringing resources, capacities and knowledge together to co-create synergistically resolutions and innovations. This power is amplified on our spiritual path when it takes us into mystical experiences and knowing of the oneness of all that is.

“The key to wisdom is this – constant and frequent questioning, for by doubting we are led to question, by questioning we arrive at the truth.”
~ Peter Abelard

Inquiry

With these expressions of power in mind I found following lines of inquiry or questions to yield fruitful insights and discernment. Please feel free to add whatever questions and contemplations feel relevant to you and your experiences. And feel free to share them with me if you feel inclined to.

What kind of power is it?

Which of the above manifestations of power am I sensing/observing/experiencing in the couple/ my relationship? Does this power manifest to move and shake, from social clout, from physical beauty, through career or financial success, from alignment with cultural expectations and social scripts? Is it manifested beyond mundane aspects as love, compassion, wisdom, etc. or expressing as shared growth and creativity?

Where does the power arise from?

Is the power will driven (lower mind), driven by unconscious shadow aspects, driven by desires born of scarcity and separation consciousness? Does it arise from Self, to serve creative expression, to serve love, life and others from a knowing of oneness?

Is this power being felt, experienced or expressed, and if so on which level?

Is the power expressing on the emotionally, intuitively, mentally, spiritually dimension?
Is it felt by the pair and/or others? Is the couple experiencing said power primarily through its manifestations and workings (impossible obstacles are overcome, cooperation is given by hostile parties, etc.) and by the level of trust in and/or knowing of their union? Are they expressing power from a place of will, self-attributing being a power couple, and do they have a strong or obsessive attachment to being perceived as a power couple?

Relationship as an Entity of its Own

In further contemplations an aspect of my inner vision of relating and relationships proved quite central in my reflections of power in couple hood.

In my experience and knowing a relationship or the “we’ is an entity in its own right with its own needs, preferences and purpose, and in deeper reflection I realized that it sometimes becomes an ‘egregore’ of sorts. The power and expression of it by the relational egregore is dependent on the energy and intentions it is fed by the couple. It can be a force of healing and growth, be ambivalent, or a force of imbalance and harm. For the most part such feeding happens unconsciously and with material from individual un- and subconscious of the partners and the collective un/conscious field.
But, as with most things thankfully, there is a possibility to make these unconscious effects more conscious allowing us to intentionally feed our relationship entity through conscious attunement to each other, shared inquiry and vision quests into the current state of the relationship, co-creation of higher vision for the relationship, developing tools and practices for growth and to embody more of the higher vision, and much more.
Regardless of the intentional or unconscious nature of the cultivation relational egregores express and radiate power, visible or tangible power which the couple and others perceive as differentiated from the partners.

My personal attraction to powerful relationships and wish to be in such arises from my fascination with the mystery, dynamics, and potentiality of the relational egregore and creative challenge in shaping it into a power for change, growth, harmonious resonance with life, and blessing to all who are touched by it. I have a clear and deep seated sense of what it feels like to be in such a connection, from flashes of insights or experiences shared in previous or ongoing relationships and from a deep knowing and magnetic pull of my heart and soul.

Photography: Aragorn & Arwen, Return of the King, Movie Still

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Making a home of ourself in his spiritual sense means the cultivation and practice of self compassion, loving embrace of all that arises, and turning towards our suffering with compassion.

In my vision of relationship, born out of my experiences, current physical realities and higher visions, there are two more pieces missing from the above that are indispensable and non-negotiable to an intimate relationship with me: an active self practice of shadow work and conscious integration of trauma.

Lovingly holding and embracing our suffering mostly will not help us to know and liberate ourselves to a degree which allows us to understand the dynamics of our trauma responses and how they link into other’s pattern, and most of all how to step out of their destructive dynamics. It also doesn’t necessarily teach us individual practices to calm our nervous system, resource ourselves and retrain our brain in a timely way. There is much to be gained by wedding eastern and mystical wisdom with western scientific insights, it is wise to embrace our suffering and also wise to drop some of it when we have tools to do so in an integrative and healthy way. But I digress.

Making a home of ourselves, clearing the house of our Soul to be a welcoming, warm, clean, beautiful and safe space for self and other is a pleasant way of describing my path and journey.
It has been a slow and rewarding process to get to this current degree of inner peace, coherence of my inner tribe and their acceptance of the leadership of the impersonal self. She has been busy co-creating lasting peace between selves that had contrasting approaches and goals, teaching parts lacking boundaries to cultivate and uphold them fluidly and those whose boundaries were too rigid to ease up and become more fluid, lovingly nurturing the wounded parts and their protectors into more ease and a sustained sense of safety. Over and over my inner tribe has unified behind an updated vision of selfhood and path to walk, the years of intense resistances and infighting are thankfully behind me.
Almost every self trusts that it will be heard, taken seriously, be part of decision making processes, and their real needs will be fulfilled even if it may be delayed to serve a more pressing need. Internal disruptions are mostly dealt with calmly and with curiosity about the insights and learning available for all selves in the process. There is an acquired culture of knowing, trust, cooperation and compassionate kindness which is sustained and supports the growth, peace and joy of my self.

In other words I have come a long way of making myself from a war zone into a beautiful home.

This home of mine is deeply precious to me, as it was built at the cost of years, sacrifices and strife to get to its current state. Not everyone is welcome in it, no matter how much I may love them. Those that bring the taint of war and disruption to my door are sent their way with a blessing for their own healing and protection along their path. Those who approach with muddy boots and littering habits are told to clean up and shape up before they can enter my sacred space of serenity.

Potential partners, especially if they want to share my life center (co-habit, co-work, share finances, etc.), have to have built a home of a comparable quality and beauty if I am to answer the question “Are they a home to me?” in an affirmative.

I have worked hard to create this home of mine and have earned the right to no longer accept invitations into cold, drafty and unsafe shacks of people lacking boundaries, to sit in the entryways of the dark starkness of windowless fortresses of the emotionally unavailable, or any other inhospitable environment I encounter.

Another piece of insight completed contemplations I had on the aspect of safety in choosing another as a home. Safety, is a painfully lacking translation of the German term Geborgenheit at the center of this inquiry, which describes beyond ‘safety’ also a sense and/or feeling of being protected, cared for, cozy, secure, belonging and more.
In my reflections on what constitutes a good home in another I realized that safety stood for a dual quality I need to feel and sense. For one I have to trust the other to be capable of standing up for and protecting me, even if my warrior self can do that job very well I want to know that if she is down there is a reliable and strong second line of defense. On the other hand I have to trust the other not to carelessly or willfully neglect, abandon or hurt me and thereby act as a trigger dysregulating my nervous system.
Both qualitative aspects of safety are not simply known by what another professes or their track record with others, the assessment is mainly intuitive. Now that my trauma and mind no longer override the voice of my intuition in this, whenever my body says no it becomes an amplified whole being NO. A non-negotiable boundary which I gladly and lovingly uphold for my body and nervous system she suffered decades of abuse at the hands of my ignorance and distorted thinking.

With these and other reflections on being a home to self and others it becomes self-evident why someone who has not made a home of themselves cannot be a safe and homely refuge for another.

And a new dimension of inner work, of decorating one’s home to support and delight one’s beloved opens up when meeting one another on an equal footing. A joyful journey of explorations and shared creative play is gifted to those who will receive and expand into it.

Photography by Unknown

The post Being a Home appeared first on Venuskind.

 Today I want to share one of my playful visioning tools of inquiry into my being’s current vision of an aligned beloved and partner:

Give yourself enough undisturbed time for this explorative journey. Make yourself comfortable and drop into your heart, ask her to show you the relationship that makes your heart and soul sing with bliss, utilizing all of your senses make the journey come alive in full sensory high-definition.

When you have connected you can ask the first question below to get more detailed visions, answers, sensations, and knowing. Listen deeply. Let your heart guide you. Write the answers down when you feel your heart’s revelations are complete. Then pose the next question, listen and repeat until all questions have been answered. 

This is not something that is necessary revealed to you in one go. Contemplate your heart’s answers, feel into them, get to know your most tender, sensual, playful, pragmatic, spiritual needs in intimate relating. Keep revisiting this journey as you feel intuitively guided, become as deeply intimate with the felt and sensed frequency of your beloved as you can. Add whatever questions your heart deems important.

Most of all keep it light, playful, dream big, be outrageous in your wishes and dreams, and trust you deserve all that makes your heart come alive and overflow with love.

Acknowledge whatever limiting beliefs, fears or negative memories might come up and let them know you will give them their own time and space but this is not it. Make time to address them some other time with love and compassion. Heal what needs healing, release whatever needs releasing. 

I wish you clarity and a delicious harmonious resonance in communing with your heart, soul and beloved.

What kind of person are they?

Which core qualities do they embody?

How do they embody self love?

How do they live their life?

How do they show up in relationships?

How do they show up in relating to you?

How do they relate to others?

What makes them special to you?

How do you show up in the relationship with them? 

What do you feel like relating to them?

How do they enrich your life?

What makes them a great partner?

Photography by Unknown

The post Who Does my Heart Desire? appeared first on Venuskind.

This definition of what constitutes a dealbreaker, red, orange, or green flag is part of how I discern who cannot meet me as an equal and who can do so effortlessly. It serves as a touchstone I can come back to whenever relating gets messy and I need to analyze a relationship, its quality, and value.

This is a very personal list and can by no means be generalized to all because it arose from lessons learned through my karmic patterns, early woundings and other conditioning. Therefore it might contain things that are of no relevance to others or lack aspects that are key to their joy and fulfillment in relationships. Yet it may serve as an inspiration for contemplation and maybe even writing of your own list. 

Getting clear on our boundaries, needs, wants, desires and what we no longer are willing to tolerate before engaging with a potential partner, friend, family member, or colleague makes a huge difference in my experience. 

Regularly checking in with myself and updating my Relationship Q&A’s and this list is immensely insightful, as it tracks how my boundaries move and settle in new places. And it helps me know my current self and new experiences that are opening up in relating as old ones are released. Being clear and committing myself to being true to Self helps me make wiser choices in service of my wellbeing and that of others.

 I define the 4 categories below as follows:

Absolute Dealbreakers are (consistent) negative behaviors or traits which immediately and non-negotiably disqualify someone from any kind of relationship with me.  

Red Flags are troubling behaviors or traits that show up occasionally yet are alarming and unwelcome in my friendship circles and all the more so in close relationships or intimate partnerships. The more red flags I encounter the more I will be motivated to distance myself or disengage totally.

Orange Flags are behaviors and traits that point to underlying red flags or dealbreakers which need observation to discern if they are a sign of someone releasing negative traits or of their attempts at presenting themselves more favorably. 

Green Flags are welcome and desirable behaviors or traits which open doors to trust and closer relating.

Absolute Dealbreakers:

Lack of self love

Lack of integrity

Lack of intimacy

Lack of intelligence

Lack of communication skills

Lack of self work

Lack of accountability

Lack of self reflection

Lack of emotional availability

Imbalance of giving & receiving

I feel a lack of trust or respect for them

I feel a lack of alignment or meeting on the mental, emotional, physical, spiritual dimension

I feel unsafe, unseen, unheard, limited and unbalanced in their presence

Red Flags:

Lack of self love

Lack of sovereignty

Lack of full responsibility for self

Lack of self reflection

Lack of self work

Lack of shadow work

Lack of emotional intelligence

Lack of emotional availability

Lack of vulnerability

Lack of depth

Lack of kindness

Lack of compassion

Lack of consideration

Lack of curiosity

Lack of playfulness 

Lack of creativity

Lack of passion

Lack of hygiene

Lack of intrinsic motivation

Lack of awe for existence

Ego-centricity

Superficiality

Neediness 

Messiness

Stuck in analysis-paralysis

Stuck in self-sabotage or self-destruction

Stuck in outsourcing emotional labor

Stuck in low self-esteem/grandiosity

Lack of openness to change of behavior, thinking or patterns

Lack of capacity to create change

Lack of honor for other’s perspectives, needs and sovereignty

Inability to express love freely and with generosity

Inability to express their appreciation for me

Inability to see, hear and value me adequately

Inability to see and acknowledge their ego’s cruelties

Orange flags:

Evasiveness

Extreme need for privacy

Secrets

Selfishness

Stinginess

Wastefulness

Tone deafness

Phlegmatism

Lack of sensitivity

Lack of dignity (self respect)

Lack of boundaries

Lack of self care

Lack of openness about themselves

Lack of expressions of appreciation or gratitude

Lack of consideration for nature ( incl. others, animals, planet)

Green flags:

Depth

Presence

Mindful

Integrity

Intelligence

Accountability

Reliability and trustworthiness

Self work has become almost second nature

Knows own shadow and ego, has an effective shadow work practice

Ease and quality of self reflection proving a longstanding practice

Taking responsibility for his life, experience, actions, words and energy

Good self care (mental, emotional, spiritual & physical)

Good balance in giving and receiving

Good communication skills

Good emotional literacy, availability and intelligence

Good levels of self love apparent in choices, actions & thinking

Beautiful inside and out

Caring and compassionate

Cherishes and prioritizes relationships

Respectful of boundaries and need for consent

Quick to repair damage or misunderstandings

I feel an effortless and easeful connection with them on all dimensions

I feel a deeper sense of respect and admiration for them

I feel appreciated, cherished, respected and valued by them

I feel open, safe, seen, heard, free, playful and balanced in their presence

Photography: ‘The Golden Imprint I’ by Viet Ha Tran

The post Relationship Dealbreakers and Flags appeared first on Venuskind.

When I look at it closely and feel into my response, I hear the voice of the wounded child that wants to be nurtured and taken care of resonate with my pull to accommodate this narrative. I see the aspect of self that is lazy and wants things handed to it instead of creating and working for them resonate with this. I sense the appeal to my masculine to take its “rightful” position of leadership, the promise of empowerment reverberating in it. The validation of “I know best” that the ego holds, the illusory promise and feel of “right order of things” hailing from millennia of conditioned gender roles and narratives. I see residual and persistent thought forms, emotive responses and beliefs arising from patriarchal romantic conditionings resonate with it.

And so I sit in silence and let the narrative of the leading masculine and surrendered feminine hover in space as my awareness illuminates it to know its nature, level of truthfulness and distortion. Drawing on eclectic spiritual teachings, knowing, insights, sensed and felt experiences with both energies my observations are combined and recombined with these to illumine and distill more of the underlying patterns, energies and archetypal forces at play in this narrative and in the seeding, enforcing and amplification of this new agey subgroup of patriarchal gender narratives.

I sense the overlay and undercurrent of history and the affinity of the ego to recreate the past in its mistaken idea of safety. I recognize the blindness towards the nature and quality of both energy signatures arising from matrix conditioning, incapable of perceiving the reality of the energy while the mind keeps projecting and overlaying it with subconsciously held narratives of masculinity and femininity. I see how entrancing and actively resistant these narratives are to the perception of existence beyond the concepts of the matrix or even imagination beyond the entrenched narratives which are heavily protected by weaponized cognitive dissonances.

From the detachment of a higher vantage point of perception, i.e. beyond self-identification and its limiting factors, this is quite amusing to observe. A highly intelligent and deceptive virus (patriarchy) adept at adapting to and defeating his hosts immune system strategies by making the immune system believe it is part of its defense and serving the wellbeing of the host. It is fascinating and entertaining, I can see why consciousness chooses to play at this in so many variations, layers and dimensions.

From my blended perception, i.e. from a union of human and higher Self perception, I lean towards wanting to engage with more reality and leave the games of egoic illusions, archetypal storylines, wars over layers of the matrix artifice behind me. These games feel exhausting, futile, senseless, destructive, stale and repetitive. I want more, I want different, something new.

I now operate more and more from the knowing of my essential conscious/divine/energetic nature. My practice of making more time for being in that nature and experiencing life from that state is shedding layers upon layers of conditioning, ancestral and karmic burdens of distortions and allows me to clear my eyes, heart and mind to perceive life anew. To dream of bringing into being new and more joyful ways of perceiving, making sense, relating, creating and being on this planet and with all that is.

Rehashing old games of duality, gender oppositions, disempowering relational dynamics, pigeonholing ourselves in ever more fragmented identities, beliefs, opinions and groups is a slow and painful path to walk from where I perceive things. Nonetheless, I respect people’s choices to experience life in that way. We came here to experience life in individual ways which serve and grow our soul’s journey and ultimately the evolution and self-exploration of divine consciousness and I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. 

I am all for exploring and playing with power dynamics in life, relating and creating. I don’t mind being in a submissive role or a dominant role. But that is all it can be for me: a role I choose to play with awareness, not who I am. I AM so much more than the narrow definition of the feminine or masculine in the new age mindset or current narrative spin. I AM all, I can embody all traits, roles, expressions and play with all. As can everyone else. Why limit myself to a stale overplayed repertoire when I came here to drink experience to my fill? 

There is so much the new age propagandists don’t seem to understand about the way the feminine and masculine energies work together or what the hieros gamos feels like when embodied. The idea that “one leads and the other follows” is painfully colored by patriarchal dominator thinking and cannot even come close to fathom the beauty of how the union of masculine and feminine expresses, feels, senses and vibrates. There is no leadership in union. Who is there to be lead and who can lead in oneness? What is this foolish nonsense we are being served up if not the regurgitation of old paradigm thinking?

 If you have experienced and felt the union of masculine & feminine within, you will know the numinous nature of the union and how it creates and acts, which defy words and explanations as we lack proper concepts and words to hope to express it even in the vaguest terms. Similar observations can be made in the experience of union between self and higher Self. There is still so much we have to EXPERIENCE for ourselves to truly KNOW about reality. Higher experiences defy the limitations of our current perceptions, thinking, culture, norms, languages and modes of communication.

The invitation I extend to those who are willing to read, listen and reflect upon this is to explore new paths and pioneer novel, playful, expansive explorations beyond the pitiful and limited archetypal narratives humanity has been handing their power over to for millennia. 

Join us in owning our quantum consciousness nature and let us play outside the limiting normativity and prescriptivity that some try to lord over our minds, hearts and bodies. Let us strip off the narratives, identifications and labels that make us susceptible to the allure of their cat’s gold of matrix fueled illusions and let us alchemize real gold of consciousness with Spirit. 

There is so much more to explore, be, learn, create, experience, share, give, receive and become one with. Let us not settle for less than our soul’s and consciousness are capable and hungry for! 

With love and blessings to all ways of dancing the dance of consciousness.

Art: Yin and Yang by Wuukasch

The post Masculine Leadership and Feminine Submission appeared first on Venuskind.

I am grateful for the friends, lovers and partners who availed themselves in this game of consciousness playing at being one and many.

I bow to all of you for you have taught me many valuable lessons I will carry into the rest of my life and can share with others along my path.

Our challenges helped me realize how my mind tends to complicate things, taught me to be keener in my perceptions, see the simplicity of reality and let me touch on the quintessence of relational dynamics and existence in the most magical way.

Feeling betrayed and manipulated had me realize where I was deaf to my intuition or insights from Spirit, teaching me to listen and become aware, which in turn opened the gateway to epiphanies of a higher quality and order.

Feeling hurt allowed me to observe my reactionary patterns, seek and find ways to revolutionize how I respond to triggers, calm my nervous system and rebirth myself as a more balanced and whole being.

Your behaviors and words often necessitated me to face, acknowledge and understand my intolerance hiding behind reactivities and feeble rationalizations and gave me an opportunity to practice forgiveness for you and myself.

Our egoic games showed me how easily I feel lost and triggered to create rigid principles and structures for “safety,” eventually putting me on a path of seeking and cultivating inner grounding and self love, which allowed me to access healing states of oneness with Source.

Your withholding of love, connection or blaming of your projections on me made me face the pattern of mediocrity arising from trying to live up to my conditioning, pushing me to explore and embody my individual and quirky style and to no longer be interested in fiting in or measuring up but rather to strive for exquisiteness.

Your willingness to play the perpetrator, victim or savior allowed me to cycle through all roles and become deeply intimate with the darkness and futility of the dynamics of victimization, teaching me to forge a path towards freedom and peaceful relating.

You helped me realize where I allowed myself to be blinded by the shadow of fantasy whenever your actions or words brutally disrupted them, reminding me to practice awareness, to grow and move past this thief of life energy towards anchoring myself in reality and slowly learn to anticipate its flow and emanations.

Your selfishness and lack of reciprocity in our relating forced me to face my shadow of self obsession, inspiring me to integrate it into a more whole and natural self expression, growing towards being and reposing in equanimity.

Our relationships helped me to learn to accept and handle limitations with greater realism and find a path to a higher sense of justice and balance within.

You helped me overcome the patterns of co-dependency as we danced together through both sides of the dynamic, teaching me to take better care of my needs, learn to fill my own cups and honor my sensitivity while illuminating the willingness to sacrifice with awareness, transforming it into a deliberate and empowered choice from the unconscious self defeating pattern it used to be. 

I thank you for your part in my growth and learning, regardless if you are still in my life or our paths have parted I bless you and thank you. 

May all beings be free from the cords of painful patterns and only carry the fragrance of the lessons learned with us as we rise collectively to the next level of being and relating with existence.

Art by Yung Yemi aka Adeyemi Adegbesan

The post Lessons on Being and Relating appeared first on Venuskind.

My mind assumed it to be a call for assessment of how well I did in the past year or where I failed to show up in my core relationships, oh how stunned it was to realize it was wrong. 

At first the retreat was met with a silence of both, reminding me of the importance of patience, stillness and being. Once my being leaned into the silence and simplicity of being a sweetness and blissful flow of harmony arose in me. A sweetness that had lessened in the engagement with loved ones and catalysts in the past months. Yet its rising was not accusatory but a gentle reminder of what the baseline of my existence has become through the hard work of the past years and the grace bestowed by Spirit. 

Leading me to reflect on why I allowed my inner wellbeing to lessen, how I participated in or instigated the lowering of my vibration. Then my inner Guru pointed to the experiences of the past months that challenged me to meet unlove with love over and over again. Showing me the patterns and scripts I have been enacting while observing it with awareness and working on responding from love even if it felt nigh impossible. Proving once again that the mind and its beliefs on what I can or cannot do are stuck in the past and need to be left behind on a path of growth. Highlighting where I still hold attachments and blind spots in need of my loving illumination, integration and transmutation in order to follow the call that has been stirring within and becoming louder by the day.

A call I sensed and knew deep in my cells. 

A call into Divine Union and a new path announcing its opening.

This union is first and foremost internal, a higher state of union of inner feminine and inner masculine, of polarities and energies within. A union that enables and necessitates a higher kind of relating, relating based on the foundation of knowing and values I have embraced and learned to embodied throughout the past years. This inner union demands a higher level of integrity, clarity and alignment to be embodied and lived by me than I have ever done. No more letting things slide or allowing aspects of me to rationalize holding on to the dysfunctions and superfluousness of what is belongs to the past. Consciously offering it all on the altar of the eclipse season and letting it be transmuted by Spirit to be of service of the experiences to come.

This new path of being and creating life comes with its own soul family, tribe and fellow journeyers. Holding on to the status quo or trying to fit in what isn’t energetically aligned with it will create unnecessary suffering for all involved. 

Source is illuminating where I need to let go, where relationships have to be adjusted to a form and level of engagement that befits their energetic reality and where the interfering fantasies of the mind need to end now. 

I am being reminded how important it is to start a new part of your life with care, awareness and integrity. Any kind of laziness, be it emotional, spiritual, mental or physical, in preparation of my new beginning will have larger ramifications in the time to come. 

The quality of the seeds planted in this time is of utmost importance and that is why we are collectively called into reflection and meditative contemplations. We are calibrating and attuning our energy, by releasing whatever obstructs the flow of Source energy or distracts from our inner callings and evolution of consciousness and thus the seeds of the new realities we are building on various dimensions are purified and elevated.

May our inner divine union help us seed external divine unions, families and tribes of love and creativity which serve all of life in the highest and best way.

Art: “The Beginning” by Anna Ewa Miarczynska

The post Divine Union appeared first on Venuskind.

For the longest time I have thought of my inner protector as an adult and powerful aspect of myself as my perception of her was colored by a deep set and disempowered victim mindset and perception. Through the eyes of a more sovereign and self loving being who has reclaimed and clawed back her power I can now see that my protector has always been another aspect of my inner child in disguise. My love for her has deepened by this realization as my awe for the mechanics of our psyche expanded.

I have been reparenting my little girl for many years now, tasting challenges having to be both father and mother. Never giving it much thought as I operate from the knowing of my strong inner masculine and feminine energy and capacity to grow into this roles for myself. Yesterday I experienced something that gave me a new perspective on reparenting the inner child.

Yesterday I was cheering my inner girl as she courageously took the lead in sharing my feelings, experiences and challenges in relating with my beloved. I could feel her shake a bit with anxiety and apprehension, partly taken back in time to facing my father and his volatile reactionary responses to me speaking my truth. It was beautiful to witness him listening to me in his usual calm, receptive and loving way and to feel the slow dissipation of the tension in my body as my little girl and warrior relaxed into the safety of my beloved’s presence.

On waking and reflecting about yesterday’s conversation my little girl showed me that we had a moment of shared reparenting with my love embodying the father role with the sweetest compassion, acceptance and love. Don’t get me wrong I have no father complex or wish my partner to take that role in our relationship! This was my inner child showing me how she perceived the experience, letting me know that she accepted him in that role as a source of healing and was willing to open and trust him. I saw little me reaching for his hand while looking up to him in trust, crawling on his lap, leaning into his embrace and letting him hold and cuddle her. 

I don’t recall her relating openly to an adult part of a partner or love, if at all she would play with their inner child here and there but she retreated and let other selves do the relating. So this is a huge shift with unknown possibilities and potential ramifications. 

I am in awe and gratitude as I revel in the tender burgeoning relationship between my inner child and my love. 

I had been contemplating about the nature of commitment and what it would take for me to fully and unequivocally commit to a relationship in the past days. And my little girl shows up and lets me know in unmistakable terms, she always knew who was safe and who was not, I just didn’t know how to listen to her signs and whispers. I am blessed to have her and her pure and simple wisdom come alive more and more.

Where I used to say one person can never meet all my needs a new lived and felt truth is emergent in me as I embrace that one person might not be able to meet all my needs but they sure can meet me in all my needs with presence and that is not only enough but a thing of incredible beauty and love. 

Thank you for being the facilitator of these moments of growth, insights and inexpressible joy my sweet love!

Photography: Benny Harlem and daughter Jaxyn by Unknown

The post The Inner Child and The Beloved appeared first on Venuskind.

I cried over the perpetuations of pain across generations, the relational mutilation of the men I know intimately and love, the pain their pain brought to our relationships and me, I cried over all the wasted energy in attempting to understand, help and support when the men were too blind or afraid to truly face their truth and do their work, I cried for the friends I see flee from healing and the masked unhappiness they hold themselves in. I cried for the painful and long journey a man has to undertake to get to a state of being capable of relating in any healthy or meaningful way.

I cried over all the ways I misunderstood and couldn’t relate to my father and him to me, for the pains of his childhood that caused his covert depression and fear-inducing presence and cold absence in my life, I can see now why he teeters on wanting to reach out and then deciding not to. I cried for the shame and self-rejection I carried for him and my grandfather too. I cried over the patterns of trauma, active and passive abuse that run in my family clans and the way they keep an unhealthy hold on self esteem, self love and interpersonal relationships.

And I looked deeper into the abyss of relational dysfunctionality seeded with the pathology of patriarchy suffusing our culture and subconscious minds. 

Realizing more why relating has grown ever more difficult as I proceeded in my healing journey. Understanding with more clarity why my system rebels when a man unconsciously expects or demands me to mother him, tests me incessantly to affirm the belief of his unworthiness, lashes out and keeps hurting me whenever my love became unbearable in the hell of (un)conscious self hate and rejection. 

I understand why my intuition tells me to retreat from men whose relating and “love” is self referential (I love you for what you do for ME, for how you make ME feel. No value is given to the other beyond the fulfillment of a role to serve their needs). I can see how much of a journey of healing and integration lies ahead of them and how incompatible we are due to the work I have already invested into my integrational self work.

This has been an unexpected and deeply cathartic journey into aspects of my past and subconscious I rarely got to illuminate. Simply by being open, empathetic and reading a much needed and valuable work on male psychology.

I shall never fully understand people who denigrate book knowledge and think it useless and dead. Books have been some of the most potent catalysts in my life. Authors can become wise ancestors to our lives and journeys when they distill the treasures of their journey and make them accessible to us.

If you are curious about the book I read, its title is “I Don’t Want To Know” by Terrence Real and I cannot recommend it enough. Regardless of your gender or feelings towards men, this work of heart will bring unexpected healing insights and expansive perspectives to your life and experience. Especially if you are striving to relate consciously with the people in your life this will be a valuable and insightful resource.

Photography: Rachida Brakni & Eric Contona by Gianluca Fontana

The post Catharsis appeared first on Venuskind.

There is something deeply enlivening, healing and joyful in observing your being meet a beloved’s being, needs, wants, dreams and wishes with yes and yes and yes again. The magic of effortless, authentic and whole-hearted welcoming of the multi-dimensional wholeness of him is sublime and intoxicating in the best of ways.

Where do I find the words to describe the sensations and delights of feeling, sensing, seeing and hearing his YES to my being? The flutter and waves of energy, feelings and emotions flooding my body due to being wanted in playful delight, ever the blissful recipient of his enchanting presence and giving nature.

Thank you, Love.

Photography by Vadim Stein

The post Yes appeared first on Venuskind.


”Well then teach me. Isn’t there a type of tantric massage I can learn to do that?”⠀
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“No sweetheart” she said, “you can only learn to feel into a woman by feeling into your own inner feminine.”⠀
⠀


“My what? …How?”⠀
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“Every time you feel lonely you rush outwards looking for company. When you feel sad you rush outwards looking for entertainment. When you feel horny you rush outwards looking for sex…⠀
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…and every single time you rush outwards you neglect her- your inner feminine.⠀
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Inside you there is so much depth but you have never entered. There is pain you have never held. There is desire you have never witnessed. There is pleasure you cannot even in your wildest dreams imagine.⠀
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That is the She.⠀
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She lies within you, neglected and betrayed. Unheard and unseen and abandoned again and again.⠀
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She cannot open, blossom and shine unless you listen to her.⠀
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She cannot awaken until you are present with her.⠀
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How can you even think you can just open a woman outside of you when you have not opened the She within you?⠀
⠀


There is a vulnerability and depth yet to be matured within you. Yet you are hoping to open a woman?⠀
⠀


You think you can enter her yoni when you have not entered your inner realms? The most you can do is stick your physical body part inside her!⠀
⠀


There is no trick. No tool. No technique.⠀
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If you “do” anything at all merely give up your actions, stop following your desires. Pause a moment and find what’s at the ROOT of your desire instead of losing all your focus on the object of your desire.⠀
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The roots will lead you into an inner world so vast you cannot believe it’s there. Vast underground caves FULL of treasures.⠀
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But you must choose.⠀
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Choose to go down and in for once, instead of out out out.⠀
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Then my dear, then… after developing a loving relationship with your inner She…. THEN you can open a woman. You will not even have to ask how.”⠀
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~ via: Shashi Solluna Tantra⠀

Photography: Ben Desombre by Unknown

The post How To Open A Woman appeared first on Venuskind.