The Inner Child and The Beloved

I have a triune inner child made up of the innocent and pure essence of my being, the wounded child frozen in time and pain and the warrior protecting the wounded child.

For the longest time I have thought of my inner protector as an adult and powerful aspect of myself as my perception of her was colored by a deep set and disempowered victim mindset and perception. Through the eyes of a more sovereign and self loving being who has reclaimed and clawed back her power I can now see that my protector has always been another aspect of my inner child in disguise. My love for her has deepened by this realization as my awe for the mechanics of our psyche expanded.

I have been reparenting my little girl for many years now, tasting challenges having to be both father and mother. Never giving it much thought as I operate from the knowing of my strong inner masculine and feminine energy and capacity to grow into this roles for myself. Yesterday I experienced something that gave me a new perspective on reparenting the inner child.

Yesterday I was cheering my inner girl as she courageously took the lead in sharing my feelings, experiences and challenges in relating with my beloved. I could feel her shake a bit with anxiety and apprehension, partly taken back in time to facing my father and his volatile reactionary responses to me speaking my truth. It was beautiful to witness him listening to me in his usual calm, receptive and loving way and to feel the slow dissipation of the tension in my body as my little girl and warrior relaxed into the safety of my beloved’s presence.

On waking and reflecting about yesterday’s conversation my little girl showed me that we had a moment of shared reparenting with my love embodying the father role with the sweetest compassion, acceptance and love. Don’t get me wrong I have no father complex or wish my partner to take that role in our relationship! This was my inner child showing me how she perceived the experience, letting me know that she accepted him in that role as a source of healing and was willing to open and trust him. I saw little me reaching for his hand while looking up to him in trust, crawling on his lap, leaning into his embrace and letting him hold and cuddle her. 

I don’t recall her relating openly to an adult part of a partner or love, if at all she would play with their inner child here and there but she retreated and let other selves do the relating. So this is a huge shift with unknown possibilities and potential ramifications. 

I am in awe and gratitude as I revel in the tender burgeoning relationship between my inner child and my love. 

I had been contemplating about the nature of commitment and what it would take for me to fully and unequivocally commit to a relationship in the past days. And my little girl shows up and lets me know in unmistakable terms, she always knew who was safe and who was not, I just didn’t know how to listen to her signs and whispers. I am blessed to have her and her pure and simple wisdom come alive more and more.

Where I used to say one person can never meet all my needs a new lived and felt truth is emergent in me as I embrace that one person might not be able to meet all my needs but they sure can meet me in all my needs with presence and that is not only enough but a thing of incredible beauty and love. 

Thank you for being the facilitator of these moments of growth, insights and inexpressible joy my sweet love!

Photography: Benny Harlem and daughter Jaxyn by Unknown
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