My system now embraces that we have needs, and that some of them are better or only met with others. This no longer discomforts me or strikes fear into my heart, thankfully it has become something beautiful to be experienced, shared, received and celebrated in relating with beloveds and strangers alike. 

What still goes against the grain of some of my parts is neediness – the grasping, stickiness of its energetics and the undercurrent of self degradation that I sense in it. My avoidant protectors feel an instant ickiness at the proximity of such an energy, even more so when the grasping is directed towards my energy or being.

Thankfully I have clarity on what sets these parts off about neediness and how it is distinct from having needs:

First of all having needs does not make a person needy! 

There are many who, conditioned towards hyper-independence, cannot differentiate between having needs and being needy. And unfortunately suppress or deny their needs and don’t allow themselves to ask for support. Though I do not share that perspective and experience anymore I sure know it intimately and viscerally.

There is no weakness or lack in having a need or perceiving another as having needs, it is merely one facet of human expression in the moment. 

Needs are temporary, consistent or recurrent phenomena we all have to dance with in being embodied. They may shift and change, we may go through periods of being in need of more or less support – none of which defines our value or worthiness. The latter are innate and untouched by life experiences to my mystic’s consciousness. 

Neediness, in my current understanding, is a descriptor for an unskillful way someone expresses and attempts to get their needs met. While having a need is about a sensed, felt, experienced reality – it simply is and therefore is neither good nor bad.

We can express and bid for getting our needs met without ever coming close to being/vibrating neediness, in fact verbalizing of needs and requests for support can be incredibly empowered, admirable and magnetic no matter how vulnerable and tender it might feel to us. 

I welcome open communication of needs, wants and desires as it invites me onto an equal playing field of relating, where I get to inquire into my state of being resourced, my openness and willingness and my capacities to meet said needs, wants and desires or make a counter offer of what I can provide or alternatively express what I am not available for. 

That aligns with my vision of sovereign relating amongst equals, which is my explicit preference.

Neediness happens on a playing field of implicit inequality, assigning to the requesting the one-down position and the requested the one-up position. And it does not approach another with a straight-forward expression of a need and/or bid for support but comes at the other indirectly, often with unconscious and manipulative veneers of wanting to share or “give” to the approached. While there is a strong pulling on the energy of the approached, in some cases even an unconscious vampiristic attempt to utilize the other’s energy in balancing out a perceived lack. There are aspects of learned helplessness, victimhood, etc. which are all predicated on the person giving away their power and asking another to give it back to them, which of course is an impossibility.

I feel compassion for the predicament of living with this conditioning and trauma response, there is love in me for the being that meets me from that energy. And yet I will set very clear and unmovable boundaries with my protective parts, make my energy mercurially in-graspable, while being present with them from the detachment of the indifferent self. 

Essentially throwing them back to their own devices where they play hide and seek with themselves. Yet, wherever I am called to support them in facing their true, underlying need and meeting it in more skillful and honest ways, I will gladly be of service. 

I am just not available for the ‘song and dance of delusion’ their pattern creates for them and all who will step into the miasma of this distortion. My awareness, presence and energy are way too precious to me to invest, or waste, them in such a senseless way.

On the other side I love to meet straightforwardness and courageous expressions of needs with as much of a *yes* and support as I can muster. Reminding us that having needs is a natural and beautiful aspect of being human we share. And making a point of expressing and embodying that it is a privilege to be of service to them in this now, in order to see them soar and shine in the next. 

I happily embrace being a channel the universe uses to support another being, joyfully participating in waves of kindness, compassion and love that ripple and flow through our field of consciousness to the benefit and growth of All That Is.

Neediness is something I am no longer willing to engage with, even less so on its distorting playing field.

Photography: ‘Bad Breakup’ via Everett Collection

The post Neediness appeared first on Venuskind.

Accountability

The aspects I want to share pertains to how I currently respond to the needs or neediness of another.

Still not fully comfortable with neediness, which expresses through a victim narrative or whiny tonality, I find myself struggling to calm myself and dig deeper for compassion, as I am triggered to reject and and turn away from the experience. Realizing that the desire to distance myself from the emotions and expressions of the other is no longer solely rooted in conditioning but also in service of a primal knowing. A knowing that engaging with and entertaining such energies feeds the victim/whiny aspects in me, which I no longer wish to feed or strengthen, to the contrary.

And as I take full accountability of reacting in a poorer way than I would like, I am acknowledging the need to use better tools and practice being with energies I am integrating without a feeling of or being ‘tainted’ ,aka ‘contaminated,’ by them. In reflecting deeper on that, I became aware that I already can do so in connections that have a certain emotional depth and fluidity. Pointing towards the relationship of feeling emotionally disconnect, resulting protectivity, and the fragility to such energies. An obvious relationship, but as so often, not something I was conscious of in the moment. This needs some repetition and deepening of knowing to ensure access to it when I feel insecure or triggered.

Choice

A more novel aspect to that is the spaciousness I have gained in how I want to respond to another’s need in the moment.

Until now my nature and conditioning didn’t even allow for a pause and reflection if I want to show up in the way the other needs or asks me whenever I saw or sensed they were in pain. It was as if pain disabled any thought of myself and put me into a self-sacrificing autopilot or trance state of giving my all. Now I am allowing self love to enter and transform this hereto unconscious layer of relating in me.
This trauma reflex is also why I had such a hard time understanding, and respecting, people who could turn a cold shoulder in the face of another’s moment of need or pain. I still see that as an unpalatable thing but the emotional charge has lessened dramatically thanks to this insight and spaciousness entering this contracted aspect of self.

Discernment

Faced with someone whose idea of support consisted of making myself into a receptacle (or ‘dumping ground’ as my protectors would call it) for their narratives and emotions without asking question for clarity nor commenting in any other way, allowed for another insight.

Something in me balked at their expectation, mind you this was not a request to me but an expectations dripping with judgement. Which is why I celebrate my resistance as an expression of progress in setting self loving boundaries.

Their expectation was reminiscent of something I observed and verbalized in my mid twenties about the dynamics of relating with men. I felt they used me as ’emotional landfill’ as they would come to me and dump their unresolved shit to then saunter off and enjoy their new-found lightness in pretty much total disregard of me. A lightness bought at the cost of my emotional balance and energy. Infuriatingly they remained ignorant of the fact that they have dumped their emotional shit on me, necessitating me to carry the weight of it as enabler of their avoidance. Yuck! Thankfully another murky pattern I have patiently worked my way out of. Which is why I did not show up in the way they wanted but in a way that was aligned with what I know to be healthy for me and caring for another.

I am expressing ever more clearly a resounding NO to subtle ways others (un)consciously try to avoid doing their work, non-consensually dumping their load, and abusing my willingness to support another. Even if someone is in pain, or pulls on my heart-strings I am no longer blind to the pattern of turning me into a complicit in their self-disempowerment and avoidance of taking full responsibility for themselves and their experience of life. I am putting an end to my part in this dysfunctional dynamic pattern. And I cannot express how happy it makes me to see the expansion of this transformative process.

It makes it worth having had the low vibe experience that allowed for these insights and reflections.

Sovereignty

If it really needs mentioning:
The final say on if and how I support someone lies with me. Even though I am inviting you to share your requests, and open to negotiating with you what and how I can offer – No one gets to decide how and where my energy is invested apart from Self, Spirit and myself.

Trying to manipulate your way to controlling my behavior and self expression will get you one thing only: The end of relating as I walk away.

I remain fully available to growth-oriented relating based on sovereignty, freedom, humor, playfulness, self knowledge, compassion, and love/consciousness. And when I speak of growth, I am using the term in a deeply spiritual definition of the willingness and capacity to face, acknowledge, love, and integrate one’s shadow and learn to do the same with the shadow of the other. I am fully aware that this is calling for the master class of relating, it takes a ton of courage, resilience, responsibility for self, self knowledge, and willingness to vulnerably and openly share your internal world to allow another know and feel you in your light and shadow. And I am fully willing to learn to fail better in this way of relating and learning with another, to deepen in awareness and discernment, to become better at repair and gentleness with self and other… to go through all highs and lows of this path as long as we meet on this ground.

This is my baseline for relating.

Meet me there or watch me move on to better aligned experiences and beings.

Photoart by Zac Cannon

The post Relational Insights appeared first on Venuskind.

When I look at it closely and feel into my response, I hear the voice of the wounded child that wants to be nurtured and taken care of resonate with my pull to accommodate this narrative. I see the aspect of self that is lazy and wants things handed to it instead of creating and working for them resonate with this. I sense the appeal to my masculine to take its “rightful” position of leadership, the promise of empowerment reverberating in it. The validation of “I know best” that the ego holds, the illusory promise and feel of “right order of things” hailing from millennia of conditioned gender roles and narratives. I see residual and persistent thought forms, emotive responses and beliefs arising from patriarchal romantic conditionings resonate with it.

And so I sit in silence and let the narrative of the leading masculine and surrendered feminine hover in space as my awareness illuminates it to know its nature, level of truthfulness and distortion. Drawing on eclectic spiritual teachings, knowing, insights, sensed and felt experiences with both energies my observations are combined and recombined with these to illumine and distill more of the underlying patterns, energies and archetypal forces at play in this narrative and in the seeding, enforcing and amplification of this new agey subgroup of patriarchal gender narratives.

I sense the overlay and undercurrent of history and the affinity of the ego to recreate the past in its mistaken idea of safety. I recognize the blindness towards the nature and quality of both energy signatures arising from matrix conditioning, incapable of perceiving the reality of the energy while the mind keeps projecting and overlaying it with subconsciously held narratives of masculinity and femininity. I see how entrancing and actively resistant these narratives are to the perception of existence beyond the concepts of the matrix or even imagination beyond the entrenched narratives which are heavily protected by weaponized cognitive dissonances.

From the detachment of a higher vantage point of perception, i.e. beyond self-identification and its limiting factors, this is quite amusing to observe. A highly intelligent and deceptive virus (patriarchy) adept at adapting to and defeating his hosts immune system strategies by making the immune system believe it is part of its defense and serving the wellbeing of the host. It is fascinating and entertaining, I can see why consciousness chooses to play at this in so many variations, layers and dimensions.

From my blended perception, i.e. from a union of human and higher Self perception, I lean towards wanting to engage with more reality and leave the games of egoic illusions, archetypal storylines, wars over layers of the matrix artifice behind me. These games feel exhausting, futile, senseless, destructive, stale and repetitive. I want more, I want different, something new.

I now operate more and more from the knowing of my essential conscious/divine/energetic nature. My practice of making more time for being in that nature and experiencing life from that state is shedding layers upon layers of conditioning, ancestral and karmic burdens of distortions and allows me to clear my eyes, heart and mind to perceive life anew. To dream of bringing into being new and more joyful ways of perceiving, making sense, relating, creating and being on this planet and with all that is.

Rehashing old games of duality, gender oppositions, disempowering relational dynamics, pigeonholing ourselves in ever more fragmented identities, beliefs, opinions and groups is a slow and painful path to walk from where I perceive things. Nonetheless, I respect people’s choices to experience life in that way. We came here to experience life in individual ways which serve and grow our soul’s journey and ultimately the evolution and self-exploration of divine consciousness and I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. 

I am all for exploring and playing with power dynamics in life, relating and creating. I don’t mind being in a submissive role or a dominant role. But that is all it can be for me: a role I choose to play with awareness, not who I am. I AM so much more than the narrow definition of the feminine or masculine in the new age mindset or current narrative spin. I AM all, I can embody all traits, roles, expressions and play with all. As can everyone else. Why limit myself to a stale overplayed repertoire when I came here to drink experience to my fill? 

There is so much the new age propagandists don’t seem to understand about the way the feminine and masculine energies work together or what the hieros gamos feels like when embodied. The idea that “one leads and the other follows” is painfully colored by patriarchal dominator thinking and cannot even come close to fathom the beauty of how the union of masculine and feminine expresses, feels, senses and vibrates. There is no leadership in union. Who is there to be lead and who can lead in oneness? What is this foolish nonsense we are being served up if not the regurgitation of old paradigm thinking?

 If you have experienced and felt the union of masculine & feminine within, you will know the numinous nature of the union and how it creates and acts, which defy words and explanations as we lack proper concepts and words to hope to express it even in the vaguest terms. Similar observations can be made in the experience of union between self and higher Self. There is still so much we have to EXPERIENCE for ourselves to truly KNOW about reality. Higher experiences defy the limitations of our current perceptions, thinking, culture, norms, languages and modes of communication.

The invitation I extend to those who are willing to read, listen and reflect upon this is to explore new paths and pioneer novel, playful, expansive explorations beyond the pitiful and limited archetypal narratives humanity has been handing their power over to for millennia. 

Join us in owning our quantum consciousness nature and let us play outside the limiting normativity and prescriptivity that some try to lord over our minds, hearts and bodies. Let us strip off the narratives, identifications and labels that make us susceptible to the allure of their cat’s gold of matrix fueled illusions and let us alchemize real gold of consciousness with Spirit. 

There is so much more to explore, be, learn, create, experience, share, give, receive and become one with. Let us not settle for less than our soul’s and consciousness are capable and hungry for! 

With love and blessings to all ways of dancing the dance of consciousness.

Art: Yin and Yang by Wuukasch

The post Masculine Leadership and Feminine Submission appeared first on Venuskind.

Nonetheless, as you might have experienced, I will stay true to myself and express what wants to be expressed in the moment. Not from a lack of care for your feelings but from love for myself and in honor of our sovereignty and relationship.

As much or little as I might be willing to hold space and support you in your processes, your responses and patterns will always be your responsibility to work with and handle.

I will neither enable patterns of self abuse nor accept patterns of egoic grandeur that express in stabs or other attempts at cutting me down.

If the quality of our connection, circumstances and your level of awareness allow for it I will share my observations on the dynamics I observe between us. When I do so it is an invitation to feel into, analyze and playfully integrate the dynamic. When I do not address it I have concluded it wouldn’t be helpful or resolvable as awareness and/or resources might be lacking.

The more intensely I am met with your discomfort or resistance to my being me or sharing of knowing without the possibility of shared resolution, the less I will choose your presence in my experience.
Don’t get m wrong, I appreciate and am grateful for the lessons in self love and being true to self you afford me and I don’t mind holding space for your processes. Yet when given a choice of how to spend my time I currently prefer the presence of people who enrich my life with evolutionary, easy or at least playful co-creations.
Did you notice that I wrote currently?
That is owed to the fact that I am currently in a cycle of dedicated and in-depth recalibration of self, investing the majority of my energy and awareness on changing me to be a more balanced and whole version of my being.

At some later point in my journey I might be up to play along with your scripts of self-deprecation and abuse as a means of holding space for your evolution into more self love and balance. And maybe I won’t.

I don’t know… what I know is that we are always loved and will be guided and support perfectly whenever and however we need it. So if I decline to dance with you, the Universe will assure you get the perfect partner to be successful in your learning and lessons.

I love you and trust you to embrace your worthiness and infinite lovability in your unique self expression.

Photography: Zev aka fiddle oak

The post To the one who feels intimidated and diminished by my being and self expression. appeared first on Venuskind.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Photography by Unknown

The post Togetherness appeared first on Venuskind.

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”                                                  ~ Nayyirah Waheed

These moments are some of the most bittersweet to be had in romantic love. Moments of almost good relationships which leave parts of us unmet. I am speaking here of parts that are key to our wellbeing and happiness in life not just superficial egoic desires.

There are many different ways we deal with such a painful or sad experience: avoidance, denial, adaptation – aka self-sacrifice – in the name of love which leads to resentments and dysfunctional dynamics of suffering, futile battles to get ones needs met by nagging, seducing or cajoling the other or any mix of these.

And then there is becoming very still, going inwards to sense, feel and know our truth and be brutally honest and crystal clear with ourself. Choosing to sit and ponder what is unmet, why it is of importance for this to be met, how to meet this part of ourselves with love, compassion and gentleness and sitting with the pain, frustration, sadness, disillusionment as we let the messages of our body in the form of sensations and flitting images guide us through this process of intimacy with self. Firmly committed to face the reality of our experience as it is, to observe and know it without the embellishments and distortions of our mind, asking for the deeper truth to be known, the hidden aspects to be seen and to listen intently and with tender compassion as it unravels within us.

Being a lovingly protective mother to all our tender and prickly parts, a fierce warrior in creating safety, space and love for them and their need to be heard, a magician in manifesting diverse sources of joyful and free fulfillment of our needs, a weaver of a network of love, connection and healing within as well as without, a sovereign being who takes full responsibility for herself.

This is the path of self love and becoming I choose every time I find myself alone on a bridge. 

It is good to know that all I need is within me and within my life, regardless if someone can find their way to the bridge or not. I am grateful for the knowing:

“There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

Photography by Sasin Tipchai

The post The Bridge appeared first on Venuskind.

I prefer to get as much of these out of the way before deciding to explore the possibilities of deeper connection with someone than to deal with the drama of fallouts and annoyances further down the road. Every time I have not used these tools I have come to regret it later on. 

So here is a list of questions I compiled for my new relationship questionnaire today. My personal list is longer than this as there are individual questions relating to my preferences which I am not sharing here but this is an overview to give you an idea of it.

If you can approach creating and sharing your relationship questionnaire with a playful and honest spirit it can make not only for great conversations and insights into each others perceptions and inner worlds but also be very enriching. And if done well this will be an important part of building a solid foundation of honesty, transparency, intimacy, trust and love for your relationship.

The process of composing your questions and answers to them allows you to see your needs, wants and wishes black on white and gives you a deeper sense of clarity. It helps to go back to it whenever you experience or remember situations from past relationships that have been wonderful or challenging to keep expanding it. Once you have been at it for a couple of years and have grown and changed in the meantime, you will see where your needs and boundaries have shifted and what has gained in weight as other things have lost their meaning. Giving you a more tangible way of knowing your fluidity and growth.

These questionnaires are a pleasurable way I track my changes and shifts and a fun way of inviting others to meet on deeper levels of self reflection and co-creation. I hope this inspires you to venture into reflecting and maybe doing something like this for your benefit and other’s as well. It can be a great way of sparking reflections on the current state of your relationship with your partner and get you to playfully envision how you can grow and expand within the container of your relationship.

Whatever you choose to do with this, I wish you blessed and blissful relationships with self and others!

Relationship Questions

• What is your idea/vision/definition of a great relationship?
• How does a great relationship make you feel?
• What helps you to feel loved, appreciated, validated, respected, safe, free and any of the feelings you answered the previous question with?
• Are you willing to work on relationship issues with the help of others (coach, therapist, healer)?
• What is your vision for your life?
• What is your soul’s purpose in this incarnation?
• Do you practice any form of self work and if so how?
• How do you work with ego, shadow and darkness?
• What practices do you have to nourish your soul, heart, body and mind?
• How often do you practice these?
• What are your faults and woundings that have shown up in your relationships?
• What helps you find back to balance or equanimity in those moments?
• What do you want a partner to bring to the table?
• Which unmet needs would constitute a dealbreaker and reason to end a relationship?
• What are your non-negotiables about your life and where are you open to changes?
• Are there “best practices” or rituals you would like to bring to a new relationship?
• How enmeshed or independent do you want your relationships to be?
• How do you envision a shared life?
• How much alone time do you need?
• What are your primary love languages?
• What is your erotic blueprint?
• How do you feel about public displays of affection?
• What are your erotic and sexual preferences?
• Which functionalities does sex have for you?
• What turns you on and what turns you off?
• What do you want a partner to bring to your shared sex life?
• How open are you to experimenting and expanding your sexuality?

Photography: Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon by Annie Leibovitz, 1995

The post Relationship Questions appeared first on Venuskind.

Before I share my practices let me share a definition of what I mean by compassion fatigue.

Compassion fatigue, also known as secondary traumatic stress (STS), is a condition characterized by a gradual lessening of compassion over time. Scholars who study compassion fatigue note that the condition is common among workers who work directly with victims of disasters, trauma, or illness, especially in the health care industry.
..
People who experience compassion fatigue can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, sleeplessness or nightmares, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self-doubt.
Journalism analysts argue that news media have caused widespread compassion fatigue in society by saturating newspapers and news shows with decontextualized images and stories of tragedy and suffering.  
~ Wikipedia

Everyone who uses social media in some capacity is experiencing and sensing  the overwhelm media consumption is creating, everyone who interacts with people experiences their states of heightened sensitivity verging on fragility and/or the currents of anger and resentment under thinning social veneers. Encounters with strangers feel more tense and draining as people are on edge.

Two years ago, on my return to my childhood home, I felt the overwhelming sensation of stress, tension and grayness in the collective field here. Quite a startling and challenging contrast to the collective field in Bangkok. I struggled to stay centered and not be pulled into lower frequency emotions and thinking simply by being in the field I grew up in.

I turned to a practitioner for a Thetahealing session which ended up in disconnecting me energetically from the collective unconsciousness in Germany. Of course such a disconnect is never total or isolating it asserts our sovereign and free will to engage with the field in a way that serves our awakening and growth. This gave me the respite to find daily awareness practices and form habits which would uphold my energetic sovereignty.

I chose to be more disciplined in unplugging myself from news, which was quite the challenge as my mother is a classic news junkie. I developed the habit of leaving the room whenever the TV was on and set to a news channel or political discussion I hadn’t chosen. See it is not about totally avoiding news or information but being intuitively selective while checking in with our current states. How centered am I? Will knowing this be relevant to my service and path? Which part of me is interested and why?

I chose to up my intake of high vibrational information and information that serves understanding existence, the human experience and pathways to healing.

I chose to make every moment a meditative and aware experience, bringing myself back to consciousness and presence whenever I has allowed myself to be drawn to past or future thinking and other expressions of being in the automatisms of the subconscious.

I chose to expand my self care and self love practices, to do more things with joy as well as more things that bring me joy, to create more space for playfulness to be part of my awareness and doing, to focus on the light, potential and humor of what I observe within and without.

I chose to anchor myself more deeply in my sovereignty, in spiritual laws, perceptions of life and relate all I observed back to these, thereby cultivating equanimity by seeing the oneness of the yin & yang aspects of everything.

I made it my priority to nurture and deepen my connection with Source, especially in times where I felt like I was almost disconnect. I didn’t allow resignation to take over all of me, I allowed for the feelings of sadness and isolation to flow through me while reminding myself gently that I can never be separate from Source.

All these practices and choices of where to put my energy and attention have brought me to a point where I can allow myself to open more fully to pain in the world and sit with it without needing to change it right away (savior) or falling into a victim mindset (resignation/ frustration) and eventually moving away from the pain by directing my attention and energy elsewhere when I sense that I am nearing the threshold of overwhelm.

I know the importance of being self loving and self caring by only allowing myself to feel as much as my system can take and then giving myself the permission to take a break by moving within, or doing something that allows me to feel expansive oneness without a sense of failing or guilt.

I understand now that we can serve best when we know our boundaries and honor them with self love. And as we honor our boundaries our nervous system and body relax into becoming more spacious and resilient in feeling and holding space for what is.

We have not only the right but also the duty to be protective of our more fragile and sensitive aspects. Protective, not from a place of fear and smallness but from the vastness of love – love of self and other.

Pacing ourselves, being mindfully selective of what to read, watch or consume mentally, physically or energetically is key in protecting our capacity to be empathetic and compassionate towards others and self.

When the inner conflict between the parts in us that feel we need to be there for others and to actively participate in life, society, community or family reconcile themselves with the parts in us that want to protect us and see us in our power we will find our individual flow and graceful balance between engagement and recharging.

When we emotionally and physically “get” that self care and healing is also a service to others by bringing more peace to the field (internal activism) and by empowering us to be more present and effective in our external activism or activities.

Though we live in a dimension of dualities, the pathway to lasting change and shifts truly opens up when we find the zero point, when the knowing of the oneness of all things is embodied in our equanimity. 

Remember to be gentle with and take care of your beautiful selves!

Photo: Eric Corton in Malawi by Unknown

The post How I Avoid Experiencing Compassion Fatigue appeared first on Venuskind.

I have been committed to working on being a better friend, lover and partner. Therefore it has saddened me to realize and own how deeply my conditioning has distorted my perceptions of our being and my capacity of relating with you.

Allow me to apologize, again, for all the ways I was blind to, infringed upon or denied your sovereignty, for the unloving and hurtful actions and patterns I mistook as expressions of love, care and friendship. Please forgive me my actions, words and ignorance!

Allow me to propose rebuilding our connection as fellow sovereign beings, meeting each other in equality, honor, consciousness, playfulness, compassion and kindness. Creating a new foundation of relating which holds both of us to higher expressions of our being and creates spaciousness for sharing and co-creating the evolution of our beings and self expressions.

In order to manifest this new paradigm of being with each other we need to set a couple of intentions and ground rules. Intentions to open us for a more embodied beingness and ground rules meant to keep us from falling back into old patterns of unconsciousness we have explored to our fill.

My intention is to show up with these qualities, give and receive as much as is aligned with our sovereignty and the highest outcome for all:

• with knowing and honor of our sovereignty
• with an open heart and mind
• with presence, love and freedom
• with honesty, integrity and respect
• by loving you in freedom and commitment to your unfolding
• by celebrating your magnificence and unique youness
• by sharing joys and pleasures
• by facing and lighting the darkness by your side
• by sharing insights and knowing
• by holding space for your self work
• by shining light on your blind spots when necessary
• by co-creating a life of vision and inspiration
• by supporting the manifestation of your dreams
• by asking and receiving your help
• by helping you if you ask for it and need it
• by nurturing you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
• by allowing you to nurture me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
• by exploring the whole range of experiences, emotions, challenges and moments of bliss we can co-create together

My invitation to you is to meet me there by showing up with a committed co-creative spirit and by mirroring the intentions listed. This shall unlock doors that have remained closed in previous years. Doors opening to greater freedom, ease, connection, understanding, joy, bliss and so much more.

Unfortunately I cannot end here as our egoic selves need clear reminders what cannot and will not be on the menu any longer as we are creating the change our hearts have been longing for. So see the following as a message to your lower self and mine equally.

These are the things I am not willing to be and which need to be understood if we are to be friends or maybe even more:

• I am not your emotional dumping ground or externalized emotional processing service
• I am not in indentured servitude to you as a cook, cleaner, therapist, prostitute or caretaker
• I am not any kind of secret of yours – illicit or otherwise
• I am not yours, you do not decide for me or hold sway over my innate freedom
• I am not one you will lie to or betray and hope to get away with it
• I am not one you can use to make yourself feel small and unlovable
• I am not one you can use for self-aggrandizing ego games
• I am not one who will coddle you or stroke your ego
• I am not a silent witness of your self sabotage
• I am not your guru
• I am not your savior

If you can wholeheartedly agree to these ways of relating and being with one another as they align with your desires and visions, I welcome you once again to walking this wonderfully messy and magical life path with me.

If you feel this needs additions, clarifications, changes or negotiations I shall listen with an open heart and work with you on a framework that feel aligned to both of us. I will always (strive to) honor your assertion of sovereignty.

If you cannot step into your sovereignty, I will accept and let you go with gratitude for the moments or years we shared and most of all with love and best wishes for the path you chose.

And please do yourself the kindness not to pretend to accept and then play at coaxing or gaslight me into old relating patterns. You will taste the deep cuts of my sword of truths as I am unapologetically fierce with those who disrespect and try to play games with me.                                                                                                          Spare us the unnecessary drama and yourself the pain, will you? Thank you!

In parting I bow in recognition to all who choose to take up and wear their crown and sword with grace!

Photo: Iain Glen by Joey L.

The post Letter to the Men in my Life appeared first on Venuskind.

Most people have never heard of transmutation in a psychological or spiritual context or any idea of its possibilities and gifts.

Transmutation is the transformation of one element into another – a historically alchemical concept. Transmutation doesn’t easily fit into the linear materialistic and brittle westernized mind. Minds that have not been given knowledge and understanding of our fluid and changeable make up and thereby limiting and obstructing our understanding of our nature and vast potential for change and healing. And what is more our minds lack a deeper knowing and knowledge of the “Law of One”and its ramifications for every aspect of our experience and life and therefore they get most things about life wrong.

Delving into the richness of myths, stories, spirituality and esoteric teachings helps us re-wild ourselves and reconnect with the vast knowledge our ancestors held. Knowledge which in our times is increasingly being backed by scientific research even if the mainstream media narrative ignores most of it.

In the fabricated ignorance of our minds we do not see that all that has been experienced and recorded in us can be transmuted and used as fuel for the expansion of our true self, for the connection with the precious “soul skin” guiding us towards meaning, fulfillment and deep inner peace and aliveness. Our minds have been taught to denigrate, repress or even destroy what they don’t understand or were taught to judge. Our soul and spirit on the other hand are capable of observing non-judgmentally and using that which can serve the soul path in creative, enlivening and empowering ways. They know that all is energy and all energy can be transformed but never eliminated as they operate on a higher level of consciousness and knowing of existence.

This alchemical transmutations of our psyche at the hands of our soul and spirit are the most sacred gifts of life we can learn to make space for, receive, cultivate and nourish. It for sure is no walk in the park, much rather a cycle of birth/ life/ death/ rebirth, and all over again and again. Necessitating us to cultivate the courage and strength necessary for these cycles by surrendering and trusting the wisdom of our inner wise and wild creative energy.

It is hard to fathom for the uninitiated how aspects of what created suffering for us in the form of predatory behaviors in others or in behavioral patterns conditioned into our subconscious can become strengths and building blocks of our new selves and realities built of our own making and not that of imprints and patterns. Regardless if they are friends or enemies of old, they all can transmute from a monster into a protector and aide in our growth and creative expressions and ventures.

In my mind this is the ultimate victory and elevation from being a survivor of our childhoods or other traumatic experiences in life towards being thrivers and sovereign creators.

All who walk this path will tell you they would never give it up for anything and anyone…. regardless of the pains and losses along the way.. as it feeds the fire and aliveness deep within us. 

Look into our eyes and you will see it shimmer through our vulnerable magnificent beauty!

Photograph: Unknown

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