Letter to the Men in my Life

Dear friend,                                                                                                                                         Dear beloved,

I have been committed to working on being a better friend, lover and partner. Therefore it has saddened me to realize and own how deeply my conditioning has distorted my perceptions of our being and my capacity of relating with you.

Allow me to apologize, again, for all the ways I was blind to, infringed upon or denied your sovereignty, for the unloving and hurtful actions and patterns I mistook as expressions of love, care and friendship. Please forgive me my actions, words and ignorance!

Allow me to propose rebuilding our connection as fellow sovereign beings, meeting each other in equality, honor, consciousness, playfulness, compassion and kindness. Creating a new foundation of relating which holds both of us to higher expressions of our being and creates spaciousness for sharing and co-creating the evolution of our beings and self expressions.

In order to manifest this new paradigm of being with each other we need to set a couple of intentions and ground rules. Intentions to open us for a more embodied beingness and ground rules meant to keep us from falling back into old patterns of unconsciousness we have explored to our fill.

My intention is to show up with these qualities, give and receive as much as is aligned with our sovereignty and the highest outcome for all:

  • with knowing and honor of our sovereignty
  • with an open heart and mind
  • with presence, love and freedom
  • with honesty, integrity and respect
  • by loving you in freedom and commitment to your unfolding
  • by celebrating your magnificence and unique youness
  • by sharing joys and pleasures
  • by facing and lighting the darkness by your side
  • by sharing insights and knowing
  • by holding space for your self work
  • by shining light on your blind spots when necessary
  • by co-creating a life of vision and inspiration
  • by supporting the manifestation of your dreams
  • by asking and receiving your help
  • by helping you if you ask for it and need it
  • by nurturing you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
  • by allowing you to nurture me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
  • by exploring the whole range of experiences, emotions, challenges and moments of bliss we can co-create together

My invitation to you is to meet me there by showing up with a committed co-creative spirit and by mirroring the intentions listed. This shall unlock doors that have remained closed in previous years. Doors opening to greater freedom, ease, connection, understanding, joy, bliss and so much more.

Unfortunately I cannot end here as our egoic selves need clear reminders what cannot and will not be on the menu any longer as we are creating the change our hearts have been longing for. So see the following as a message to your lower self and mine equally.

These are the things I am not willing to be and which need to be understood if we are to be friends or maybe even more:

  • I am not your emotional dumping ground or externalized emotional processing service
  • I am not in indentured servitude to you as a cook, cleaner, therapist, prostitute or caretaker
  • I am not any kind of secret of yours – illicit or otherwise
  • I am not yours, you do not decide for me or hold sway over my innate freedom
  • I am not one you will lie to or betray and hope to get away with it
  • I am not one you can use to make yourself feel small and unlovable
  • I am not one you can use for self-aggrandizing ego games
  • I am not one who will coddle you or stroke your ego
  • I am not a silent witness of your self sabotage
  • I am not your guru
  • I am not your savior

If you can wholeheartedly agree to these ways of relating and being with one another as they align with your desires and visions, I welcome you once again to walking this wonderfully messy and magical life path with me.

If you feel this needs additions, clarifications, changes or negotiations I shall listen with an open heart and work with you on a framework that feel aligned to both of us. I will always (strive to) honor your assertion of sovereignty.

If you cannot step into your sovereignty, I will accept and let you go with gratitude for the moments or years we shared and most of all with love and best wishes for the path you chose.

And please do yourself the kindness not to pretend to accept and then play at coaxing or gaslight me into old relating patterns. You will taste the deep cuts of my sword of truths as I am unapologetically fierce with those who disrespect and try to play games with me.                                                                                                          Spare us the unnecessary drama and yourself the pain, will you? Thank you!

In parting I bow in recognition to all who choose to take up and wear their crown and sword with grace!

Photo: Iain Glen by Joey L.
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