There are many layers and subtleties to its gifts of insight into my unhelpful beliefs, forgotten pain, behavioral and thought patterns, and my sweet little girl‘s longings that remained unfulfilled. Illuminating attachments in need of attention, transformation, or release. Alerting me to contractions, stuck energy, and tensions alive in my body. 

Inviting me to become intimate with the complex ways I create experiences which are unfulfilling and fall short of meeting my needs and wants, to gently coax out the parts who due to invisibility and neediness sabotage my ability to perceive all of the layers of an experience, to be still and listen to their pleas and complaints. Inviting me to observe the gentle and playful reparenting my inner father and mother bring to these voices and my little girl. Inciting and honing my creativity in finding means of fulfilling my needs internally with more skill and playfulness. 

An invitation to lean into a bigger YES to life, to gently melt tensions, apprehensions, and resistance, and reminder that ‘resistance is futile’ and unloving when the Universe is teaching me lessons in receptivity to its abundance and unconditional love. 

Becoming stronger and clearer thanks to disappointment, the light bringer and liberator.

Art: ‘I Have Finally Arrived’ by José Cacho

The post Disappointment appeared first on Venuskind.

With changes to my cosmology, the way I make sense of existence and my experiences, a lot has changed in my perceptions and being on this journey. I have reclaimed generously loving and caring aspects of me which were locked away for protection from a culture which tended to run rough shod over sensitivities and emotional realities of those who did not align with the mythical norm of ‘normal’ that was upheld. Being unable to live from these loving and open-hearted aspects has cut me off from my aliveness – to the point of clinical depression. Which is why I am committed to living and loving from the abundance of my core, even if it incurs pain or conflict.

It lies in the nature of the human state that we adapt to a given circumstance as other skills and abilities adapted to absent circumstances begin to fade. But on the spiritual path another dimension is added to this as the journeyer rebirths new versions of their being by integrating what was split off and changing internal hierarchies of aspects to move from egocentric to Self-led being. As the shifts are usually quite subtle we only realize the nature and form of changes when confronted with novel experiences and observe our capacity to respond and spaciousness in the moment. Old skills will be called upon to manifest in a new form, letting us stretch and strive to find a more fluid and adaptive way of embodying them. We learn to embrace a pause between trigger and response while internally redirecting the reactive response of old, should it come up. In time we taste the sweetness of the void space of the pause, connecting more deeply and joyfully to its innately creative energy. And if we look more deeply into the subtleties of it we can see our spirit revel in the elixir of potentiality every venture into the void offers. But I digress…

This year has led me to interact more consistently with people more aligned to the usual way of relating. It was interesting to observe how ways of behaving, speaking and being, which wouldn’t have fazed a younger version of me, suddenly felt starkly brash, cold, and lacking in empathy for self and other. In a sense it felt as if I had become more raw and fragile to it, when what I was experiencing was aspects, once protected, were now exposed to the behavior and expressive habits of the other. A need to translate these behaviors into a calming reframe for conditioned responses and to attune to a new reality of relating arose. Eventually leading me to teach tender parts to be with this kind of human manifestation in equanimity, while being mindful of the awareness levels they point to. Unlearning reflexive protectivity to give the tender ones repeat experiences of their new capacity to meet the harshness and egocentricities with kindness and compassion in ways that have not been available before, is very challenging as it feels counter-intuitive but the rewards are sweet beyond imagination. The grace of watching what once was wounded and weak remember its true nature is magnificently beyond words… and well worth the pain and struggle on the path.

I choose to make sense of this experience by perceiving it as an opportunity to heal the conditioned mind-body reactivities in areas, where it is prone to feel vulnerable and victimized by the way another shows up and expresses or doesn’t express. After all a sovereign or whole being is not disrupted in its flow of being and self-worth by the way another chooses to express, they take note of it and meet it from grace and compassion. That which is fragile and easily rendered insecure cannot be Self but an expression of the distortions I hold due to earlier incarnational experiences. 

In my case it is the imprinted memory of the little girl who anxiously listened to most nuanced shifts in tones, visual expressions, and behaviors of her parents to preempt and prevent experiencing devastating pains of rejection, abandonment, and neglect. Now I am strong enough to hold space for the gentle recalibration and integration of these memories and parts into the fluidity of my being. That in itself is a miracle given where this journey started.

Nonetheless my preference for relating, especially with close and beloved people, clearly lies in a more verbally expressive, appreciative, and loving way of relating. Especially in the face of German culture, which traditionally leans towards limited emotional expressivity (most defined as too mushy, weak), and operates on the misconception that making expressions of love and praise scarce renders them more precious. Which of course makes for rather cold and austere relating, devoid of most emotional warmth, starving the heart and emotional body. I do not care to perpetuate, nor participate in, this distortion and rather practice being a source of a different frequency set point and relational baseline. Living in this field, though, has a way of affecting and making me regress into these patterns, whenever I fall into unconsciousness. That is the dance I signed up for when choosing to leave behind the culturally conditioned norms and contracts of relating and communicating. I consider this to be one of my juiciest current growth edges.

It is a strangely empowering experience to intentionally show up, in what feels more warm and generous to me, by being verbally expressive of genuine appreciation and words of affirmation, when most people choose to be morose, aloof, or to express their negative biases and discontent. 

An even more tender and overflowing gratitude arises for all the beings who showed up in my path to teach and support me in the unlearning of unlove, and especially for those who journey with and are interconnected with me in a web of love. Thank you for being radiantly loving, kind and compassionate companions, friends, and beloveds in my experience!

What a dance of multiple dimensions and experiences this life can be, when lived with growing awareness, lessening attachments and identifications, and growing trust in the benevolence of life! 

I bow in gratitude to life and its endless teachings and expansive humor in guiding me along the path.

Photography by Unknown

The post Expressing Appreciation appeared first on Venuskind.

I am naturally generous

I love giving and sharing what is mine to share, there is no joy for me in hoarding things while another could make good use of them to enhance their experience and joy.
As I have gone through several cycles of lessons with takers, selfish people, and abusers which are never far from generous people, there are clear and non-negotiable boundaries to my giving. You might not sense them or come against them until I sense a lack in adequate reciprocation, a sense of entitlement to what is mine, taking me for granted, or trying to play games. Then, depending on the degree of seriousness, you will see the boundary illuminating my generous self in a way that reveals my warrior heart underneath it or make you taste some medicine.

I take full responsibility for my life

In the beginning many enjoy this as novel and intriguing as it takes expectations and coercions, which are normalized in relationships, off the table in engaging with me. Especially selfish/player types feels like they can get away with more or dupe me.
Though I do not expect others to share my beliefs and lifestyle, their choices do define if and where they may or may not fit into my experience. Living from a perceptive vantage point running contrary to common culture creates a need to keep a close eye on the energy of those close to me and my circles in general. Which means that I will keep stepping back from someone, who does not embody responsibility for their life, until the distance makes it feasible to have that person in my life. Which also translates as getting less and less of my energy, attention, and time until I eventually move on and end the connection.

Integrity is key to my life path

I am held to learning about and living from integrity in this life.
And having circled a few times around the sun while learning lessons on integrity from master manipulators, intimate betrayals, and more from the narcissistic playbook, I have functional boundaries and best practices in place even if they are not initially visible.
Generally I prefer to disconnect from anyone consciously choosing to walk a path lacking in integrity. Mind you, not because it is inherently evil but because I had my fill of experiences based in the shadow aspects of integrity and now intend to learn from the light aspects for a change.
The point of discernment if someone stays or goes is how they engage with their current lack of integrity. Are they struggling with it and doing their best to grow and move into integrity? Are they smug or in total denial of it? Does their ego feign incompetence and victimhood in order not to be held accountable and responsible to change?
Expect less leeway if our dynamic has veered me away from my integrity. I will put my whole effort into getting back into integrity, once done, the gaze on you will be compassionate but the steel of my commitment to integrity will stand against you and keep you at a distance appropriate to energies which are not conducive to my purpose. I might move slow, for my own benefit, but once I decide to move there is no turning back.

Learning, growth and wisdom are key to my life path

Whatever supports me in learning is welcome, even if painful in nature. Whatever stands in the way of my growth, holds me back, or slows me down by trying (non-consensually) to ride my coat tails is not welcome and will be dealt with swiftly and unapologetically.
I do not take kindly to things which stand in the way of my learning, regardless if they are internal/external or positive/negative. At best I take them as a playful challenge to work/grow around and leave behind, at worst I take them as something asking for my Taurean horns and power.
Don’t play yourself and think that someone who will ruthlessly root out even beloved patterns within her will be swayed by your cuteness or a shared history. Everything is fair game if it stubbornly takes the form of an obstruction.

I choose to surround myself with people I love, admire, and learn with

I understand how surrounding energies subtly yet profoundly influence us, which is why I am very clear on which energies I accept in my inner/outer circles, and which will block access to my life.
My life has thankfully been blessed with connections of immeasurable value next to the wild mix of contrast it offers. And I am not speaking of celebrity status or money but of true value gained and cultivated by hard work across lifetimes, gifts, energetic frequencies, and showing up consistently with qualities of wisdom, kindness, love, joy, playfulness, insightfulness in the face of life’s adversities and pleasures equally.
I have no interest in being surrounded by people who are intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually lazy or complacent in their deliberate ignorances, though theirs is an equally valid way of ‘doing human’ to me.
I am only mildly interested in those who chose lives of self-destructivity or self-sabotage, regardless if they do it in what is deemed a glamorous or destitute way.
My interests firmly lie with those who chose specific types of excellence that speak to my soul and consciousness, those who silently and persistently work towards inner mastery and service to the All from higher consciousness not their ‘pain body.’ Everything else is at best an entertaining and at worst a background noise to be silenced.

I am loyal

I am fiercely loyal to my friends, will stand by their side and in front of them if necessary. My friends are what family is to others, they are my family of choice, family of spirit, and soul family. It takes a lot to make me walk away from a long standing friendship or relationship!
As long as you walk in integrity, honest, accountability — read as trustworthiness — we are golden. If you should fall out of these, for more than a short while, I will support you in your journey and growth of reclaiming them should you ask me to and show sincere effort.
But if you show lack of trustworthiness, avoid contact though I reach out repeatedly, become disrespectful of my time, energy and person I will move on in a heartbeat. And no, I will not first talk to you about it as from my vantage point we are no longer treading common ground.

I am playful but I do not play

Don’t mistake my lightheartedness and playfulness for a lack of seriousness or grit. I can step at any given moment into full warrior mode and use my swords of truth and intuition to cut through smoke screens, lies, games, and other BS. Which is a fun exercise to me really and no hardship. Invite me and you will get a taste of its glorious joyful flow or the bite of said blades revealing truths and falsities, depending on where you stand.

I will not hurt you intentionally

No longer am I wasting my energy on illusions of retaliation, no longer do my wounded parts get to avenge themselves for a painful past on the current protagonists.
My shadow and darkness are allowed to express internally but rarely allowed to come out and play in the old ways. And as they have come to accept the truth that Karma knows to make you pay justly in a currency that is dear to you, I have become good at walking away and letting life deal with people who show up in hurtful, disrespectful, manipulative, etc., ways. I no longer make them my problem and respect that they belong to Lady Karma, to deal with in her divine time.

I choose to take my energy and invest it into life-giving, expansive, joyful things, relationships, projects, thoughts. Or I channel the energy into self love for delicious dividends from the drama observed and happily side-stepped.

The benefits of my way of engaging

Whatever I do, I always end up thanking the adversarial energy or person for enriching my life by creating contrast, making me learn, stretch and get better at inner mastery.

I simply cannot lose in this little game of BEING human because everything enhances my experience and offers me an opportunity for growth or pivoting towards more fruitful endeavors and connections.

It is up to you and your behavior if you are, and remain, part of this playful unfolding of magic or need to be left to the past.

Sculpture by Bruno Walpoth

The post How I Engage with Life and People appeared first on Venuskind.

Art by Unknown

The post History to HERSTORY appeared first on Venuskind.

When I look at it closely and feel into my response, I hear the voice of the wounded child that wants to be nurtured and taken care of resonate with my pull to accommodate this narrative. I see the aspect of self that is lazy and wants things handed to it instead of creating and working for them resonate with this. I sense the appeal to my masculine to take its “rightful” position of leadership, the promise of empowerment reverberating in it. The validation of “I know best” that the ego holds, the illusory promise and feel of “right order of things” hailing from millennia of conditioned gender roles and narratives. I see residual and persistent thought forms, emotive responses and beliefs arising from patriarchal romantic conditionings resonate with it.

And so I sit in silence and let the narrative of the leading masculine and surrendered feminine hover in space as my awareness illuminates it to know its nature, level of truthfulness and distortion. Drawing on eclectic spiritual teachings, knowing, insights, sensed and felt experiences with both energies my observations are combined and recombined with these to illumine and distill more of the underlying patterns, energies and archetypal forces at play in this narrative and in the seeding, enforcing and amplification of this new agey subgroup of patriarchal gender narratives.

I sense the overlay and undercurrent of history and the affinity of the ego to recreate the past in its mistaken idea of safety. I recognize the blindness towards the nature and quality of both energy signatures arising from matrix conditioning, incapable of perceiving the reality of the energy while the mind keeps projecting and overlaying it with subconsciously held narratives of masculinity and femininity. I see how entrancing and actively resistant these narratives are to the perception of existence beyond the concepts of the matrix or even imagination beyond the entrenched narratives which are heavily protected by weaponized cognitive dissonances.

From the detachment of a higher vantage point of perception, i.e. beyond self-identification and its limiting factors, this is quite amusing to observe. A highly intelligent and deceptive virus (patriarchy) adept at adapting to and defeating his hosts immune system strategies by making the immune system believe it is part of its defense and serving the wellbeing of the host. It is fascinating and entertaining, I can see why consciousness chooses to play at this in so many variations, layers and dimensions.

From my blended perception, i.e. from a union of human and higher Self perception, I lean towards wanting to engage with more reality and leave the games of egoic illusions, archetypal storylines, wars over layers of the matrix artifice behind me. These games feel exhausting, futile, senseless, destructive, stale and repetitive. I want more, I want different, something new.

I now operate more and more from the knowing of my essential conscious/divine/energetic nature. My practice of making more time for being in that nature and experiencing life from that state is shedding layers upon layers of conditioning, ancestral and karmic burdens of distortions and allows me to clear my eyes, heart and mind to perceive life anew. To dream of bringing into being new and more joyful ways of perceiving, making sense, relating, creating and being on this planet and with all that is.

Rehashing old games of duality, gender oppositions, disempowering relational dynamics, pigeonholing ourselves in ever more fragmented identities, beliefs, opinions and groups is a slow and painful path to walk from where I perceive things. Nonetheless, I respect people’s choices to experience life in that way. We came here to experience life in individual ways which serve and grow our soul’s journey and ultimately the evolution and self-exploration of divine consciousness and I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. 

I am all for exploring and playing with power dynamics in life, relating and creating. I don’t mind being in a submissive role or a dominant role. But that is all it can be for me: a role I choose to play with awareness, not who I am. I AM so much more than the narrow definition of the feminine or masculine in the new age mindset or current narrative spin. I AM all, I can embody all traits, roles, expressions and play with all. As can everyone else. Why limit myself to a stale overplayed repertoire when I came here to drink experience to my fill? 

There is so much the new age propagandists don’t seem to understand about the way the feminine and masculine energies work together or what the hieros gamos feels like when embodied. The idea that “one leads and the other follows” is painfully colored by patriarchal dominator thinking and cannot even come close to fathom the beauty of how the union of masculine and feminine expresses, feels, senses and vibrates. There is no leadership in union. Who is there to be lead and who can lead in oneness? What is this foolish nonsense we are being served up if not the regurgitation of old paradigm thinking?

 If you have experienced and felt the union of masculine & feminine within, you will know the numinous nature of the union and how it creates and acts, which defy words and explanations as we lack proper concepts and words to hope to express it even in the vaguest terms. Similar observations can be made in the experience of union between self and higher Self. There is still so much we have to EXPERIENCE for ourselves to truly KNOW about reality. Higher experiences defy the limitations of our current perceptions, thinking, culture, norms, languages and modes of communication.

The invitation I extend to those who are willing to read, listen and reflect upon this is to explore new paths and pioneer novel, playful, expansive explorations beyond the pitiful and limited archetypal narratives humanity has been handing their power over to for millennia. 

Join us in owning our quantum consciousness nature and let us play outside the limiting normativity and prescriptivity that some try to lord over our minds, hearts and bodies. Let us strip off the narratives, identifications and labels that make us susceptible to the allure of their cat’s gold of matrix fueled illusions and let us alchemize real gold of consciousness with Spirit. 

There is so much more to explore, be, learn, create, experience, share, give, receive and become one with. Let us not settle for less than our soul’s and consciousness are capable and hungry for! 

With love and blessings to all ways of dancing the dance of consciousness.

Art: Yin and Yang by Wuukasch

The post Masculine Leadership and Feminine Submission appeared first on Venuskind.

The sly power of dysfunctional romantic conditioning and the repetitive nature of ego, shadow and subconsciousness is truly fascinating and at times daunting.

At least this time around it wasn’t spent in confusion, delusion or unconsciousness but under the guidance of my Self and in high awareness and observer mode. The idea being that if I do this with full awareness and and full allowing it would be a last experience to close out the pattern and cycle equally. I am so grateful for the humorous way my Self teaches me about the patterns of my small self and the enchanting way I am called home to be loved on and showered with gifts from Spirit once the lessons are learned. 

Every disappointing relationship, betrayal, manipulation, abuse, injustice, denigration or selfish behavioral pattern I have been confronted with has helped me to unlearn the “good girl” programming and to prioritize my relationships with Self and Source before ALL else. 

I am grateful to my teachers, catalysts and mirrors who have led me home to the place which fills my being with love, bliss, wellbeing and balances what needs balance. Please understand, though, if I choose to no longer engage with you or keep you in my experience when you cannot meet me on the levels of relating I prefer. I trust you will find countless others who will avail themselves for the continuation of the ego games we played or who will help you awaken and reach for more or better ways of relating.

I am grateful for the relationships and soul kin who relate with me on dimensions of reciprocity, compassion, generosity, integrity, creativity, ease, bliss, love and most of all on the dimension of Spirit. Without you I could have never survived and thrived through the karmic load of the old cycle. Thank you for being in my life and making me laugh! 

I am ready to leave these experiences, patterns, beliefs, karma, dynamics and people behind me and to welcome more of the balanced and holistically fulfilling relationships into my life which mirror my expanding relationship with Self. Thank you Source for always teaching and loving me through all my experiences.

May we collectively transcend the darkness of the old scripts and rise into the light of loving, equal, sovereign and generous relating!

Photography: Tony Thornburg by Unknown

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But what after all, behind appearances, is this seeming mystery? We can see that it is the Consciousness which had lost itself returning again to itself, emerging out of its giant self-forgetfulness, slowly, painfully, as a Life that is, would be sentient, half-sentient, dimly sentient, wholly sentient and finally struggles to be more than sentient, to be again divinely self conscious, free, infinite, immortal. ~ Sri Aurobindo

I often use the word consciousness and in using it I can already sense the ones who will misunderstand it and mistake my sharings to be about their experience of the waking mind. But consciousness lies beyond the physical brain and body-mind, and though accessible with practice, it is not experienced by many. Especially not by those who have internalized and identified with the disregard for everything that is not pure logic or a product of the mental.

In walking our path the expanding of our senses and ascent through higher layers of mind is not easily and correctly tracked or known without context or contrast. It often takes the encounter of contrast and the limitations we feel when sharing what has become normal and accepted to us with someone who listens intently but has not the slightest clue of what we are talking about. I am not talking about people who are intellectually lazy or unimaginative but about intelligent, engaged and open-minded people. And yet they cannot understand or even remotely grasp the realness, form, function and expansive natures of Intuition and aspects of the Overmind. 

Here again intuition will be read as the gut instinct which is not quite what I mean. The gut instinct is a subconscious body-mind response which is informed by previous experiences of this lifetime as well as  ancestral and karmic memories, its fundamental goal is assuring our survival and safety, and this is what most people experience singularly as intuition. Yet I have come to experience another layer or emanation of intuition which is not sourced from the body-mind and whose objectives are based on alignment with higher Self and Source. An intuition that can be accessed in the higher mind/ overmind layers and necessitates a different kind of silence and attunement to receive and know it. This is what I meant by intuition earlier.

As with many things our lower minds will struggle to accept or believe in the existence of the heart mind, higher mind and higher intuition dimensions until we experience and know aspects of mind beyond the mental and physical. To get there takes a disciplined practice of inner vision, self reflection, knowing and silencing the mind and a capacity to receive and be open without judgement or expectation. This takes whatever time our system needs and our souls choose, for some it will be short for others a long journey. 

All progress on our spiritual path is a gift of grace and not a matter of achievement through doing things right or long enough as I was reminded emphatically a while back. There is nothing to feel superior about as we were graced with whatever access and use of our being we have, nor do we need to feel envy over the gifts of others as life unfolds perfectly for our individual soul’s growth and quest.

This year I have been taken further in my learning and being, and was granted the gift of being united with woman whose gifts are more subtle and expansive than mine. Whose being and sharings speak to the path and magic which lie ahead of this journey into divine self consciousness and freedom.

Yet with gifts we also have to accept the “price” they come at as we are changing. I became aware that I take decidedly less pleasure, sustenance and meaning from connecting with someone not on this journey or not advanced enough in it. Such connections though lovely in a lot of other ways I appreciate and value feel like someone drained color, textures and tastes from life. These exchanges lack aliveness and the delicious shared knowing of the magical glitter of consciousness sparkling through all of life. It took me by surprise and saddened me deeply to own and accept this. 

The change I feel internally can be best compared to suddenly realizing that eating apples no longer pleases and nourishes you but to the contrary it makes you feel hungrier and unwell. And necessitates coming to grips with the loss you feel at knowing it still is a beautiful and sweet apple others can fully enjoy, as you did before you changed and lost your ability to metabolize it.

I am surprised that most parts of me take this loss in a stride and that it didn’t incite a woe-is-me-feeling. I guess the past decade of stripping away all that is not true and real to my soul has trained my lower minds to become better at accepting what is than I give them credit for.

And so the journey continues as I choose once again surrendering and opening to the mystery of consciousness.

The post Mind, Intuition and Consciousness appeared first on Venuskind.

The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others. That action is the testimony of love as the practice of freedom.
~ bell hooks, Outlaw Culture

My journey of self-integration and healing can be narrated as a journey of commitment to love for my inner tribe of selves.

I have come through many stages of committing to loving aspects of myself, building habits and practices of self love and care, and slowly and gently acknowledging, facing and loving shadow aspects back into a more whole and hale self. This is an ongoing journey, as it is all too easy to fall into unloving thinking, feeling and acting towards myself when I am low in resources and energy.

And yet I have come a long way on this challenging road to freedom.

Of course that was only half of the commitment to love journey I have consciously committed to. The other half is equally important and challenging in its own ways. To learn to love another in all their aspects, light and shadow, to extend compassion, kindness and generosity even when they prick and pain me, to protect them from unconscious hurtful expressions and actions from me and to do all this from sovereignty feels quite daunting at times.

To balance self love and love for another, to let it flow in a circular system of reciprocal nourishment, inspiration, joy and compassion is the holy grail for a fractured and traumatized self. A goal that can only be achieved by the alignment of self, higher Self and consciousness for more and more extended periods of time until it becomes our default setting. At least in my perception and experience.

This year I am called to teach my wounded and shadow aspects, which were created as per our soul contract with my mother, to CHOOSE to be loving, act with kindness and compassion even in moments of triggered CPTSD while being true to my own needs and boundaries. I am not saying this is what everyone has to do, nor that you are not entitled to your emotions of anger, resentment, hate and whatever else might arise for you in your primary wounding relationships. This is what I have been called to do after years of expressing openly my anger, sadness, grief and hate, a new stage, a new way of relating opening up for me now that foundations for self nurture and self love are firmly set.

Embracing on a mental level the commitment to love and choosing to be loving to others as an expression of my core being and not because their behavior deserved it was easy. For it is comparatively easy to disentangle from the concept of giving people what they deserve and drop the distorted concept of deserving/undeserving on the mental plane. Doing this on an emotional and physical plane is a decidedly different dimension of challenge to my self leadership.

Higher Self and consciousness lead the way to more equanimity in the mental/emotional which allows me to gently magnetize the emotional/physical into a state of homeostasis or balance. It is an excruciatingly slow progress for the mind, as the wounded parts and shadow feel like running towards old soothing strategies and reactivities at the slightest discomforting trigger and I observe the old scripts play out with all their negative ramifications for my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing. It takes many repetitions and regressions as well as the unswerving love and support of all other aspects of self and higher Self before the wounded and shadow parts can acknowledge the futility of their go-to-solutions and concede to trying something else. And much cheerleading, loving reminders and celebration of small wins is necessary in order for them to stay on course. Especially when their first attempts and steps are not reciprocated in kind.
Another layer of learning lay here for me: We (inner tribe of selves) are not loving to others in a game of barter or in expectations of getting our needs met by them. We are loving because this is our true nature to which we choose to return. Being loving is all the reward it needs.

It will still take a while and many repetitions of consciously choosing to be love and act as love in a variety of relationships until I can even remotely say that I have laid a foundation similar to the one I have built for self love. And yet I am already reaping the rewards of this work by virtue of the feeling of alignment within, the joy of oneness within and embodying integrity and love in relating whenever I wholly choose to act from love. It feels good to extend myself in love to others knowing that I can and will do my best to show up, be accountable and responsible, caring and mindful in my relationships. No longer having to fear being helplessly highjacked by my shadow aspects into painful catastrophizing abysses or loops of hurtful behavioral patterns towards others. Knowing that I have what I need to see and stop these patterns, and if they manage to bypass my awareness, knowing I have the tools, knowledge and commitment of my inner tribe to repair and make amends best we can in cooperation with another.

This is what empowerment through love feels like to me.

Grateful for the selves, people, lessons and experiences which help me anchor more deeply into my nature and lighten the heaviness of trapped distortions in my field.

May we all be free from suffering,
may we all be love.

Photography by Brenda Del Rao

The post Commitment to Love appeared first on Venuskind.

Being invested in self work, growth, non-monogamy, spirituality, travel and interculturality and living a rather eccentric life made for amusing experiences of being lost in translation and struggling with relating to mindsets left behind years ago in the first encounters. I felt the challenge of having to change gears and dust off skills I had put aside as they were unnecessary in my small corner of the world. 

Dating instantly made me uncomfortably aware of the privileges my life afforded me and which I have and am building on. Not that I deny them or pretend else-wise, the discomfort arises through realizations of the disparity in the lack of opportunity and access others had and have. 

I am confronted with the height of what I chose as a baseline of relating as they struggle to even fathom aspects of communication and relating that feel as basic as the ABC to my reality and circles. Leading me to inquire into and weigh the importance of being accessible and relatable and the need for self care and energy efficiency. Refining my philosophical and spiritual stances on engaging with others.

Surprising and thought-provoking conversations giving me insights into the lived realities of others are like jolts of electricity reviving parts of me that had gone nigh dormant in my years of immersion. I am called to revisit relational and erotic preferences as a “new” me to intuit and know where I stand, what works for me now and what no longer is of value or relevance to me. Contrasts and stark positions expressed as well as observations of my embodied responses (sensations, gut feelings) facilitate clarity in areas I had neglected or which were of low interest to me until now. 

I am truly enjoying the commencing of this new journey with all its miscommunications, disruptions, vexations and joys of meeting fascinating, endearing and underwhelming new people. I am not fixated on outcomes and much more excited by what unfolds, what wants to be seen and learned and what inspires and impassions me.

It is good to bask in Venusian energy and cycle with nature into the aliveness and potentiality of spring. 

Art by Daria Petrilli

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I will end this lecture by telling you that the fear is not real. It is truly an illusion, but you must go through it by feeling it. Through the gateway of feeling your weakness lies your strength; through the gateway of feeling your pain lies your pleasure and joy; through the gateway of feeling your fear lies your security and safety; through the gateway of feeling your loneliness lies your capacity to have fulfillment, love and companionship; through the gateway of feeling your hate lies your capacity to love; through the gateway of feeling your hopelessness lies true and justified hope; through the gateway of accepting the lacks of your childhood lies your fulfillment now. When you experience all these feelings and states, it is essential that you do not delude yourself into believing they are caused by anything you experience or fail to experience now. Whatever the now brings forth is only the result of the past which still resides in your system.

Through these gateways you will find true life. All the many temptations that beckon you to follow paths which imply that it is possible to find the spiritual reality of yourself without going through these gateways are wishful thinking. There is no way around what has accumulated in you and has poisoned your whole system- your spiritual, your psychological, and often also your physical system. This poison can be eliminated only by feeling wha you hoped you could avoid feeling. Then a new energy influx comes in ever greater measure. Many of you have experienced to some degree what I am saying here, and therein lies your growth. But you all have to go further in this regard. The self-punishment for hatred and spite, for cruelty and greed, for selfishness and one-sided demands upon others must be released so you can go into the terror of your fear, your shame, your pain. When you stop fighting this, you will become real, open, and truly alive.

~ Eva Pierrakos

Photography: Rakotzkybrücke, Germany via Isle of Skye

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“Women find that as they vanquish the predator, taking from it what is useful and leaving the rest, they are filled with intensity, vitality, and drive. The predator’s rage can be rendered into a soul-fire for accomplishing a great task in the world. The predator’s craftiness can be used to inspect and understand things from a distance. The predator’s killing nature can be used to kill off that must properly die in a woman’s life, or what she must die to in her outer life, these being different things at different times. Usually, she knows exactly what they are.”
~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Most people have never heard of transmutation in a psychological or spiritual context or any idea of its possibilities and gifts.

Transmutation is the transformation of one element into another – a historically alchemical concept. Transmutation doesn’t easily fit into the linear materialistic and brittle westernized mind. Minds that have not been given knowledge and understanding of our fluid and changeable make up and thereby limiting and obstructing our understanding of our nature and vast potential for change and healing. And what is more our minds lack a deeper knowing and knowledge of the “Law of One”and its ramifications for every aspect of our experience and life and therefore they get most things about life wrong.

Delving into the richness of myths, stories, spirituality and esoteric teachings helps us re-wild ourselves and reconnect with the vast knowledge our ancestors held. Knowledge which in our times is increasingly being backed by scientific research even if the mainstream media narrative ignores most of it.

In the fabricated ignorance of our minds we do not see that all that has been experienced and recorded in us can be transmuted and used as fuel for the expansion of our true self, for the connection with the precious “soul skin” guiding us towards meaning, fulfillment and deep inner peace and aliveness. Our minds have been taught to denigrate, repress or even destroy what they don’t understand or were taught to judge. Our soul and spirit on the other hand are capable of observing non-judgmentally and using that which can serve the soul path in creative, enlivening and empowering ways. They know that all is energy and all energy can be transformed but never eliminated as they operate on a higher level of consciousness and knowing of existence.

This alchemical transmutations of our psyche at the hands of our soul and spirit are the most sacred gifts of life we can learn to make space for, receive, cultivate and nourish. It for sure is no walk in the park, much rather a cycle of birth/ life/ death/ rebirth, and all over again and again. Necessitating us to cultivate the courage and strength necessary for these cycles by surrendering and trusting the wisdom of our inner wise and wild creative energy.

It is hard to fathom for the uninitiated how aspects of what created suffering for us in the form of predatory behaviors in others or in behavioral patterns conditioned into our subconscious can become strengths and building blocks of our new selves and realities built of our own making and not that of imprints and patterns. Regardless if they are friends or enemies of old, they all can transmute from a monster into a protector and aide in our growth and creative expressions and ventures.

In my mind this is the ultimate victory and elevation from being a survivor of our childhoods or other traumatic experiences in life towards being thrivers and sovereign creators.

All who walk this path will tell you they would never give it up for anything and anyone…. regardless of the pains and losses along the way.. as it feeds the fire and aliveness deep within us. 

Look into our eyes and you will see it shimmer through our vulnerable magnificent beauty!

Photograph: Unknown

The post Transmutation appeared first on Venuskind.

I write often about letting go and walking away as it has become an ongoing practice on this path of awakening. Much of what I used to love, hold dear or enjoy has lost its meaning and had to be released to a past owned by an old self.

The hardest moments are when I realize the misalignment with someone I love and have shared meaningful and magical experiences with, the mind and subconscious tend to grasp and want to hold on to experiences and people as they live in the illusion of separation and scarcity due to the conditioning of this world. Tempting or bullying me to disbelief what people have shown me.

I sometimes give in and try to hold on to false hopes of “maybe things will change?”or “maybe they will learn and grow?” and yet intuition never fails to have the truth of it when it gently whispers that I better move on. When I give in and try to make something work or my ego plays at putting the blame on me and tells me to be more embracing of someone’s otherness it just leads to even harsher reveals of incompatibility and more painful exposures of issues and dynamics.

Being aware through such moments and seeing things unfold through the dual vision of lower and higher self reveals much about my conditioning and its tools in leading me towards pain and suffering instead of leading me towards joy and love. I see the parts and beliefs in me that sabotage and sacrifice me while trying to grasp for something non-existent or lacking in value.

“Taurus and Taurus Rising — The self, new beginnings, vitality. You will be reborn, reinvented. You will change how you look or something fundamental about who you are and how you express it. You will revolutionize your life. You will let go.” ~ Empowering Astrology

A challenging and expansive process of correcting self- esteem and rebuilding the concept of self as Uranus gifted me with revolutionary insights, new perceptions and knowing of Self is under way.

This year Taureans were taught to value our selves, gifts and skills more than we did before in a misguided sense of humility, many insights driving home how often we have been throwing “pearls to swine” in our underestimation of the value of our presence, attention, time, love, energy and support… just to earn the ingratitude and injustice meant to awaken us to our foolishness.  

If Taureans now had a scale, like our Venusian Libra brethren, our scale would not measure simply the justice and balance of things but also the precise value of what is brought to the scales by the respective parties. 

With the emergent self and knowing relationships are being weighed and discerned on many new levels and the creator in me is revisiting if I want to invest more energy or choose to take it elsewhere where it yields better and higher returns. My abundance and wealth of energy and love will not be squandered any longer, it will be mindfully put at the service of Life, of my wellbeing and that of loved ones or contained until I am guided to give of it.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

Regardless of our signs we all relate conditionally even if love is unconditional. Understanding the way relating with others affects us on various levels inspired me to reflect upon my life path and how those I spend the most time with are aligned with these or might detract from them.

At first this was just from a psychological perspective, assuming that our mirror neurons unconsciously adapt us to our direct environment. Yet delving deeper into mystery schools and learning about energy, theories of frequency, resonance and quantum geometry have given this a more profound dimension.

If we by sympathetic resonance emulate the energy around us to the point of developing the same physical and mental illnesses as the people we surround ourselves with or by epigenetically changing the settings of our DNA then who we relate to and in which way has serious ramifications that go beyond someone merely discouraging us from reaching goals. It becomes a matter of our overall wellbeing: spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.

With that a deeper awareness and new conditions for relating have emerged for me, not from a stance of fear but from the excitement of creating positive charged surroundings that not only uplift us but help me stay healthy and strong. 

So if anyone doesn’t have a committed and daily practice of awareness, heart-centeredness and keeping their vibrations up and be open and grateful to those enlightening them on their blindspots… they can be in my life but not in my inner circle. This is not about negativity or toxicity – we all carry enough of that within us to be hard pressed to “throw the first stone” no this is about how we manage our own energy, boundaries and how conscious and knowledgable we are of our inner workings.

I observe with little joy how many men have been socialized to unconsciously rely on women to do the emotional work for them and turn on them if they respectfully decline to do that or when their shadow is made aware to them in gentle and playful ways. I understand the fragility, I understand overwhelm I find myself still too often there… but if you do not have the ability to bounce back from such a drift in ego and see things from a higher perspective or even better have the capacity to follow another when they lead you to a meta perspective on the behavioral patterns playing out between you…. then we lack a fundamental tool of relating, growing and rising in connection and I will retreat from engaging because it becomes strenuous and pointless to me.

If you don’t like to think and reflect much on life, this world and yourself we are not very compatible as my path is one of inquiry and knowledge and I thank you for teaching me about that.

If you do not hold yourself to the same high values and principles you expect of others or if you hold no one to any values in a bypassing “acceptance of all as it is” we are not compatible as integrity is a core theme of this incarnation for me and I thank you for teaching me about that.

If you delve into teachings and knowledge without the wish or capacity to retain or embody them we are not compatible, my path is about practicing and embodying resonant truth and I thank you for teaching me about that.

If you cannot generate joy, love and equanimity on your own but “need me” to do so, not just in times of hardship but because you do not put the work into it, we are not compatible as sovereignty and equality are at the foundation of all my relationships and I thank you for teaching me about that.

I bow in gratitude to H. who taught me many of these invaluable lessons and much more. 

I honor my intuition, higher Self, guides and Source for helping me navigate through this beautiful challenge, for the gifts of knowing and seeing true and the deepening of my blissful relationship with the Beloved.

The post On The Emerging Self and Conditions Of Relating With Me appeared first on Venuskind.

Photo by Annegien Schilling

The post Periods of Growth appeared first on Venuskind.

“Good relationships trigger the hell out of us without trashing the relationship; great relationships trigger the hell out of us while deepening the relationship. And the best relationships use whatever happens, however difficult or disheartening, not only to deepen the relationship but also to awaken us beyond it.

What does not work in a relationship (assuming that neither partner is abusing the other) is what can make it truly work—especially in the sense of giving us sufficient jolts to alert us to our trances, consensual and otherwise—but only if such difficulties are approached by both partners as opportunities rather than problems. Not easy, not easy at all. After all, this asks that we venture from the shoreline into some really big waves. We might then strengthen or more firmly anchor our bond with our partner; or we might finally see that we are not right for each other, no matter what we do; or we might start new practices together; or we might recognize that the depth of our love will sustain us through all, or that it is not enough to keep us together; and so on. No guarantees.

We may think it would be great to be at our edge—which is where growth primarily occurs—but actually being there is not necessarily much of a picnic. In fact, it sometimes may be so unpleasant, so scary, so hard to stomach or handle that we find some convincing alibis to do otherwise—such as literally leaving the relationship, withdrawing from it while still in it, or keeping it relatively superficial.”
~ Robert Augustus Masters, Transformation Through Intimacy

Most shy away from making their relationships part of their spiritual journey.
But those who choose to engage in conscious relating know of the challenges of being at our edge with a partner and of its spiritual gifts when we surrender to the alchemy of the Beloved.

Photography by Robert Fass

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