After writing a letter to my male friends my thoughts wandered to my relationships with women to inquire if and how they need to be rebuilt to align more deeply with our sovereignty, love and free will.
The first thing that became obvious to me is that my relationships with men and their issues are very clear and known to me while I detect a vagueness in my awareness, a slight resistance to truly look deeply into them. Which is of course the perfect invitation to go deeper and get intimate with it.
There is a subtle unease in my mind when thinking about relating with women and a vigilance in my body, not a hyper vigilance, when I am in the presence of women. A protective vigilance akin to the hyper vigilance consciously chosen and worked on letting go in relationship with men. Interestingly the vigilance melts away when I know that a woman is on a path of self work and spirituality.
I sense lingering unresolved stories, fears and beliefs which need to be released, so I can open to untainted and authentic relationships with ALL woman.
At this point in my life and self work I don’t care too much about the why’s and how this was conditioned or developed by my system, I just want to help my body mind to release it. It is very clear to me though that the blind spots about relationships with women are rooted in my mother wound. (You can read more detailed information on the mother wound in the linked article)
My ideals, visions and wishes for a relating are not informed or limited by gender, the difference in the ground rules arise from the dysfunctional scripts I have been playing out with men and women in my life and where I feel a need to set ground rules to avoid replaying old harmful scripts. And so here it is:
Dear friend, Dear sister,
I have been striving to become a better friend and sister to you and others. It saddens me to have to own how deeply my conditioning has distorted my perception of our being and my capacity of relating with you in a loving and expansive way.
Allow me to apologize, again, for all the ways I was blind to, infringed upon or denied your sovereignty, for the unloving and hurtful actions and patterns I mistook as expressions of love, care and friendship. I have done us a disservice in my blind loyalty and silence as well as in my cowardice in not speaking my truths or confronting you. Please forgive me my inactions, actions, words, silence and ignorance!
Allow me to propose rebuilding our connection as fellow sovereign beings, meeting each other in equality, honor, consciousness, playfulness, compassion and kindness. Creating a new foundation of relating which holds both of us to higher expressions of our being and creates spaciousness for sharing and co-creating the evolution of our beings and self expressions.
In order to manifest this new paradigm of being with each other we need to set a couple of intentions and ground rules. Intentions to open us for a more embodied beingness and ground rules meant to keep us from falling back into old patterns of unconsciousness we have explored to our fill.
My intention is to show up with these qualities, give and receive as much as is aligned with our sovereignty and the highest outcome for all:
- with knowing and honor of our sovereignty
- with an open heart and mind
- with presence, love and freedom
- with honesty, integrity and respect
- by loving you in freedom and commitment to your unfolding
- by celebrating your magnificence and unique youness
- by trusting you and allowing for deeper intimacy
- by sharing sacred ritual and circles with you
- by sharing joys and pleasures
- by facing and lighting the darkness by your side
- by sharing insights and knowing
- by holding space for your self work
- by shining light on your blind spots when necessary
- by co-creating a life of vision and inspiration
- by supporting the manifestation of your dreams
- by asking and receiving your help
- by helping you if you ask for it and need it
- by nurturing you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
- by allowing you to nurture me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
- by exploring the whole range of experiences, emotions, challenges and moments of bliss we can co-create together
My invitation to you is to meet me in a committed co-creative spirit and by mirroring the above intentions. This shall unlock doors that have remained closed in previous years. Doors opening to greater freedom, ease, connection, understanding, joy, bliss and so much more.
Unfortunately I cannot end here as our egoic selves need clear reminders what cannot and will not be on the menu any longer as we are creating the change our hearts have been longing for. So see the following as a message to your lower self and mine equally.
These are the things I am not willing to be or do and which need to be understood if we are to be friends or maybe even more:
- I am not going to read your mind so please speak your truth, assert your boundaries, communicate with me
- I am not going to be blindly and silently loyal to you
- I am not withholding uncomfortable truths and confrontations from you
- I am not your competition – never was, never will be
- I am not judging or shaming your body, lifestyle or choices nor allow for any of that in my presence
- I am not one you manipulate or instrumentalize in games or machinations
- I am not one you will lie to or betray and hope to get away with it
- I am not one you can use to make yourself feel small and unlovable
- I am not one who will coddle you or stroke your ego
- I am not a silent witness to your self sabotage
- I am not your guru
- I am not your savior
If you can wholeheartedly agree to these ways of relating and being as they resonate with your desires and visions, I welcome you once again to walking this wonderfully messy and magical life path with me.
If you feel this needs additions, clarifications, changes or negotiations I shall listen with an open heart and work with you on a framework that feel aligned to both of us. I will always (strive to) honor and support your assertion of sovereignty.
If you cannot step into your sovereignty, I will accept and let you go with gratitude for the moments or years we shared and most of all with love and blessings for the path you chose.
I am deeply grateful for the amazing women in my life, for countless lessons and gifts that came to me through our sisterhood, their being and love. And I am excited to keep learning to be and remain present, loving, in connection, honoring and loving from and with you!
I bow my head in honor of my sisters and their nurturing, playful and healing spirits which never fail to elevate and lighten every moment shared with them!