Love as an Inside Job

When feeling the lack of reciprocity in a relationship and my confused and wounded inner child reaches her sticky little hands to grasp for a beloved’s love, care or attention my impersonal self takes her little hands, gently cleaning them while speaking of our wholeness to her. 

She calls in the part who learned to be incredibly attentive, caring, loving and present with partners, their needs, wants and desires – my inner love fairy. Alerting her to the effect of absence of reciprocity on the inner child, she tells her to attend to the child with her loving generosity, reminding her to temper and match her giving to the level of the other’s giving while channeling the abundant surplus within. And while she is at it she might as well be as limitless and generous as her fae heart delights to be in love, care and attention. 

The impersonal self goes on to point out that the child is an appreciative and worthy recipient of the fairy queen’s ample gifts as she knows to receive, multiply and share the goodness, contrary from most external experiences we have had. 

In the overflowing love, care, attention and validation from the love fairy and the fierce compassion of the impersonal self my inner child blossoms into joy, ease and creative flow and inner abundance expands and touches all parts of my being. 

This is self mastery: Retraining myself to know, understand and experience my Self-sufficiency and abundance while discarding the illusion of scarcity. 

And as I care for my inner child I am showing up with love and care for friends and family with my all. Because I am abundant, bountiful, whole, strong, loving and resilient enough. And what is more, I am blessed with precious circles of beautiful souls who are effortlessly willing and capable of showing up fully in love, presence, compassion and wisdom in our relating. 

There is no scarcity in this life. There is no need to engage with or accept less unless it serves an evolutionary purpose or karmic balance.

From this zero point the tribe of selves looks to the relational dynamics, analyzing the imbalances in give and take I attracted, naming where I remain unmet and why it made the inner child feel a need to grasp. It is a compassionate and detached gaze at my conditioning and shadow co-creations, getting intimate with the unmet needs and contemplating ways of fulfilling them with variance and playful glee. Reminding myself about what fills my heart and soul with joy and love and their abundance in my life. Reflecting on what this relational dynamic came to teach me about love, myself and the other in this moment. Allowing for gratitude to fill my heart, honoring the other for their part in reminding me of my innate wholeness and for inviting me into deeper self knowing and love.

From my hard earned vantage point of stillness and abundance I can weigh how invested I want to be in relationships which lack adequate reciprocity, intuit the potential for timely change, the purpose of the relationship and if it is meant to stay or has fulfilled its purpose. 

All these reflections are not driven by egoic fears but infused with the knowing of infinite possibilities of co-creating experiences with others and the wish for joyful shared soul growth and  life with others who are ready and capable. 

I bow to life, my beloved Guru, for ongoing gifts of grace, inner freedom and equanimity. 

I bow to my Self for the guidance and love she generously bestows upon me. 

Photography: by Unknown
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