The first thing that became obvious to me is that my relationships with men and their issues are very clear and known to me while I detect a vagueness in my awareness, a slight resistance to truly look deeply into them. Which is of course the perfect invitation to go deeper and get intimate with it.

There is a subtle unease in my mind when thinking about relating with women and a vigilance in my body, not a hyper vigilance, when I am in the presence of women. A protective vigilance akin to the hyper vigilance consciously chosen and worked on letting go in relationship with men. Interestingly the vigilance melts away when I know that a woman is on a path of self work and spirituality.

I sense lingering unresolved stories, fears and beliefs which need to be released, so I can open to untainted and authentic relationships with ALL woman.

At this point in my life and self work I don’t care too much about the why’s and how this was conditioned or developed by my system, I just want to help my body mind to release it. It is very clear to me though that the blind spots about relationships with women are rooted in my mother wound. (You can read more detailed information on the mother wound in the linked article)

My ideals, visions and wishes for a relating are not informed or limited by gender, the difference in the ground rules arise from the dysfunctional scripts I have been playing out with men and women in my life and where I feel a need to set ground rules to avoid replaying old harmful scripts. And so here it is:

Dear friend,                                                                                                                                                       Dear sister,

I have been striving to become a better friend and sister to you and others. It saddens me to have to own how deeply my conditioning has distorted my perception of our being and my capacity of relating with you in a loving and expansive way.

Allow me to apologize, again, for all the ways I was blind to, infringed upon or denied your sovereignty, for the unloving and hurtful actions and patterns I mistook as expressions of love, care and friendship. I have done us a disservice in my blind loyalty and silence as well as in my cowardice in not speaking my truths or confronting you. Please forgive me my inactions, actions, words, silence and ignorance!

Allow me to propose rebuilding our connection as fellow sovereign beings, meeting each other in equality, honor, consciousness, playfulness, compassion and kindness. Creating a new foundation of relating which holds both of us to higher expressions of our being and creates spaciousness for sharing and co-creating the evolution of our beings and self expressions.

In order to manifest this new paradigm of being with each other we need to set a couple of intentions and ground rules. Intentions to open us for a more embodied beingness and ground rules meant to keep us from falling back into old patterns of unconsciousness we have explored to our fill.

My intention is to show up with these qualities, give and receive as much as is aligned with our sovereignty and the highest outcome for all:

• with knowing and honor of our sovereignty
• with an open heart and mind
• with presence, love and freedom
• with honesty, integrity and respect
• by loving you in freedom and commitment to your unfolding
• by celebrating your magnificence and unique youness
• by trusting you and allowing for deeper intimacy
• by sharing sacred ritual and circles with you
• by sharing joys and pleasures
• by facing and lighting the darkness by your side
• by sharing insights and knowing
• by holding space for your self work
• by shining light on your blind spots when necessary
• by co-creating a life of vision and inspiration
• by supporting the manifestation of your dreams
• by asking and receiving your help
• by helping you if you ask for it and need it
• by nurturing you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
• by allowing you to nurture me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
• by exploring the whole range of experiences, emotions, challenges and moments of bliss we can co-create together

My invitation to you is to meet me in a committed co-creative spirit and by mirroring the above intentions. This shall unlock doors that have remained closed in previous years. Doors opening to greater freedom, ease, connection, understanding, joy, bliss and so much more.

Unfortunately I cannot end here as our egoic selves need clear reminders what cannot and will not be on the menu any longer as we are creating the change our hearts have been longing for. So see the following as a message to your lower self and mine equally.

These are the things I am not willing to be or do and which need to be understood if we are to be friends or maybe even more:

• I am not going to read your mind so please speak your truth, assert your boundaries, communicate with me 
• I am not going to be blindly and silently loyal to you 
• I am not withholding uncomfortable truths and confrontations from you
• I am not your competition – never was, never will be
• I am not judging or shaming your body, lifestyle or choices nor allow for any of that in my presence
• I am not one you manipulate or instrumentalize in games or machinations
• I am not one you will lie to or betray and hope to get away with it
• I am not one you can use to make yourself feel small and unlovable
• I am not one who will coddle you or stroke your ego
• I am not a silent witness to your self sabotage
• I am not your guru
• I am not your savior

If you can wholeheartedly agree to these ways of relating and being as they resonate with your desires and visions, I welcome you once again to walking this wonderfully messy and magical life path with me.

If you feel this needs additions, clarifications, changes or negotiations I shall listen with an open heart and work with you on a framework that feel aligned to both of us. I will always (strive to) honor and support your assertion of sovereignty.

If you cannot step into your sovereignty, I will accept and let you go with gratitude for the moments or years we shared and most of all with love and blessings for the path you chose.

I am deeply grateful for the amazing women in my life, for countless lessons and gifts that came to me through our sisterhood, their being and love. And I am excited to keep learning to be and remain present, loving, in connection, honoring and loving from and with you!

I bow my head in honor of my sisters and their nurturing, playful and healing spirits which never fail to elevate and lighten every moment shared with them!

Photo: Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers by Unknown

The post To the Women and Sisters in my Life appeared first on Venuskind.

The Awakening Woman does not use sex or her femininity to manipulate or get what she wants. She ceases to engage in love-making without heart, but rather chooses love-making that is connected, organic, fully mutual, and from the healthy ego. She will not allow sex to be used as a substitute for true intimacy, or a distraction from unresolved wounds. She is not afraid to be called a prude or a slut for making her own conscious decisions around sex. She does not let patriarchy, religion, politics, the media, or the unhealthy male ego define sex, beauty, or relationship for her. Her relationship to sex is her own and comes from within, not from what has been dictated to her all her life by a culture that doesn’t value healthy sexuality. She does not placate or sell herself out to gain male approval, nor does she compete with or sell her sisters out for male attention.”

~ Jessica Bahr

Photo: Rokhaya by sl-photographie

The post Awakening Woman appeared first on Venuskind.

Someone may have told you
Perhaps long ago
That you need a man
To complete you
That on your own
You’re only half of what you will be
When you find “The One”
It was implied
By the tragic fairytales
And the Hollywood romance movies
But it was all a lie
Your power comes from no where else
From no one else
But from inside of you
You are here to stand whole
To emanate magic
First, on your own
With no one to save you
No one to rescue you from your own demons
Woman
It is no man’s job to break down your walls
To give you your sense of worthiness
To make you whole
Power like that only exists
Within you
At the very core
So stop asking yourself
Why am I still single?
Why did that man leave me?
Why aren’t I good enough for him?
When does life begin?
Because his absence says nothing about who you are here to become
Conscious
Empowered
Honest
Kind
A Boundary setting self protector
A Self-loving leader who trusts her path
Stop seeking
Conscious love doesn’t stem from that place
The man you deserve
He knows he is not someone’s better or worse half
He is whole too
And he will come ready
To do the work to heal with you
But he is not here to patch your wounds
A man is not a substitute for feeling your own pain
Woman
You are power
Don’t ever settle just to avoid loneliness
Because the worst form of abandonment
Is abandonment of the self
Sister
Do not wait
For anyone to light your fire
That fire within you is ready to blaze
Without anyone else to ignite you
No man, no lover
Can take that away
No one else is responsible for this
Only you
And that is the core of your womanhood
Your connection to the Goddess
The expression of Kali coming through you
The seductress and destructress
Your love and your heartache
Your passion and your anger
Don’t sweep any of it under the rug
Or spare your truth for fear of being rejected
You can walk alone
And be just as powerful
As when you walk in partnership
You are here to lead
So rise up and claim yourself
What message do you have for this world today?
Who will you choose to be
To leave your mark
And make this place better
Than it was yesterday
That is the core of your feminine essence
To teach, to nurture, to love and to heal
And that power is within you
As it has been
All along

Photography: The coldest day by Zhang Jingna

The post Woman appeared first on Venuskind.

When someone says, “We’re saying the same thing.”
Say, “We are not saying the same thing.”


When someone says, “Don’t question, just have faith”
Say, “I am questioning vato, and I have supreme faith in what I think.”


When someone says, “Don’t defy my authority.”
Say, “There is a higher authority that I follow.”


When someone says, “Your ideas are seductive.”
Say, “No, my ideas are not seductive, they are substantial.”


When someone says, “Your ideas are dangerous”
Say, Yes, my ideas are dangerous, and why are you 
so afraid hombre o mujer ?


When it is said, “It’s just not done.”
Say. “It will be done.”


When it is said, “It is immature”
Say, “All life begins small and must be allowed to grow.”


When it is said, “It’s not well thought out.”
Say, “It is well thought out.”


When they say, “You’re over-reacting.”
Say, “You’re under-reacting vato.”


When they say, “You’re being emotional.”
Say, “Of course I have well placed emotions, and by the way, what happened to yours?”


When they say, “You’re not making any sense.”
Say, “I don’t make sense, I am the sense.”


When they say, “I can’t understand you when you’re crying.”
Say. “Make no mistake, I can weep and be fierce at the same time.”


When they say, “I cant understand you when you’re being so angry.”
Say. “You couldn’t hear me when I was being nice, sweet or silent, either.”


When someone says, “You’re missing the point.”
Say, “I’m not missing the point, but you seem to be missing my point— 
What are you so afraid of?”


When someone says, “You are breaking the rules.”
Say, “Yes, I am breaking the rules.”


When someone says, “That’s not practical.”
Say, “It’s practically a done deal, thank you very much.”


When it is said, “No one will do it, believe you, follow it.”
Say, “I will do it, I will believe in it, and in time, the world may well follow it.”


When it is said, “No one wants to listen to that.” 
Say, “I know you have a hard time listening to that.”


When it is said, “It’s a closed system, you cant change it.”
Say, “I’m going to knock twice and if there is no answer, 
then I am going to blow the doors off that system and it will change.


When it is said, “They’ll ignore you.”
Say, “They won’t ignore me and the 100s of thousands who stand with me.


When they say, “It’s already been done.”
Say, “It’s not been done well enough.”


When they say, “It’s not time yet.”
Say “It’s way past time.”


When they say, “It’s not the right day, right month, right year.”
Tell them, “The right year was last year,
and the right month was last month,
and the right day was yesterday,
and you’re running behind schedule vato,
and what in the name of God and all that is holy
are you going to do about it?”


When they say, “Who do you think you are?”—
tell them who you are, and don’t hold back.


When they say, “I put up with it, you’ll have to put up with it too.”
Say, “No, no,no,no.”


When they say, “I’ve suffered a long time and you’ll have to suffer too.”
Say, “No, no, no,no.”


When they say, “You’re an incorrigible, 
defiant, hard to get along with, 
unreasonable woman, 
Say, “Yes, yes, yes, yes,


and I have worse news for you yet—


We are teaching our daughters,
our mothers, 
and our sisters…


We are teaching our sons 
our fathers, 
and our brothers


to be


just


like


us.


~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

In my search for the photo credits of the image I chose I learned to my sadness this beautiful woman committed suiced. A painful reminder that voices of suppression and oppression often live within our own minds and torture us if we haven’t learned the tools to overcome them.

We need to to teach ourselves and others to find the strength within to stand up to and silence the oppressors within and without, on our own as well as together. This world is in need of healing and integration knowledge and practices being brought to all- too many of our fellow humans live in suffering.

May we cultivate kindness, awareness and care for the people in our vicinity and be a source of solace, healing, enlightenment and joy to those we engage with.

We are so much more powerful than we were ever allowed to learn or know. We are stronger, more creative, more loving and more joyful than any of our circumstances and obstacles can ever be – even if our minds say otherwise.

And there is a vastness of love surrounding and holding us every moment of our life… we need “only” open our eyes and senses to feel and know it.

If only you knew beautiful Rhauda Athif.

May you and all who fell and shall fall at the hands of this oppressor matrix be cleansed of this darkness and journey on in the love and light of Source.

Model: Rhauda Athif

Photographer: Unknown

The post HOW TO SILENCE A WOMAN: RETRIEVING HER VOICE appeared first on Venuskind.

She looked at him. “First you have to learn how to FEEL into her”, she replied.

“Well then teach me. Isn’t there a type of tantric massage I can learn to do that?”

“No sweetheart” she said, “you can only learn to feel into a woman by feeling into your own inner feminine.”

“My what? …How?”

“Every time you feel lonely you rush outwards looking for company. When you feel sad you rush outwards looking for entertainment. When you feel horny you rush outwards looking for sex…

…and every single time you rush outwards you neglect her- your inner feminine.

Inside you there is so much depth but you have never entered. There is pain you have never held. There is desire you have never witnessed. There is pleasure you cannot even in your wildest dreams imagine.

That is the She.

She lies within you, neglected and betrayed. Unheard and unseen and abandoned again and again.

She cannot open, blossom and shine unless you listen to her.

She cannot awaken until you are present with her.

How can you even think you can just open a woman outside of you when you have not opened the She within you?

There is a vulnerability and depth yet to be matured within you. Yet you are hoping to open a woman?

You think you can enter her yoni when you have not entered your inner realms? The most you can do is stick your physical body part inside her!

There is no trick. No tool. No technique.

If you “do” anything at all merely give up your actions, stop following your desires. Pause a moment and find what’s at the ROOT of your desire instead of losing all your focus on the object of your desire.

The roots will lead you into an inner world so vast you cannot believe it’s there. Vast underground caves FULL of treasures.

But you must choose.

Choose to go down and in for once, instead of out out out.

Then my dear, then… after developing a loving relationship with your inner She…. THEN you can open a woman. You will not even have to ask how.”

via: Shashi Solluna Tantra

Photography: Unknown

The post How To Open A Woman appeared first on Venuskind.