Being Needed

Neediness is a red flag because it speaks to a mind state of self disempowerment and delegation of responsibility for one’s life. That is something I have been training myself to release and no longer accept, enable or am willing to engage with in myself or others.
Being needed is different as it arises from a temporary state of exhaustion or overwhelm. I have learned to check in with my being to ascertain if I have the energy and capability of being supportive before answering another’s need. Equally I check myself when in need of support to honor the other’s agency in saying no to my request. And I make sure to observe the dynamic of being needed and helping to ensure it doesn’t become chronic or lastingly shift the relational dynamic or perception of each other. I am aware that both tempt me to step into old patterns of becoming a ‘helper’ and ‘over-giving’ before feelings of resentment start poisoning the waters.

Being Wanted

Being wanted generally feels good to the abandoned and neglected child I once was. It felt like something good and healing when I was younger and knew less about my inner workings. And for the most part it anesthetized or silenced the old wounds, which I then mistook for healing and goodness. But looking back I can see that it never had a healing effect and was just another tool of avoidance and perpetuation of the status quo. I see how easily being wanted becomes a dependence, a drug, I can hunger for and through which others can manipulate my feelings and wellbeing. And it rarely serves to feed the ego with what it hankers for if one is on a path of liberation, healing, and wholeness.

Being Valued

Being valued would have been hard to detect, understand and know for my younger self. I was too superficial, too conditioned to discern it and its unique qualia (quality of experience). When someone values me, everything they do and say differs from the actions and words of someone who wants or needs me. There is a balanced equality in the relational dynamic, a calm unhurriedness, a warmth of affection, and general openness and willingness to attune to me. Even if power differentials happen, they rarely move to the extremes and are part of a constant shifting and changing flow which doesn’t allow for fixed roles. When someone values me their engagement with me will more often than not take a form that nourishes the soul, there is a greater willingness and ease in giving, and much less of a grasping for my energy and being. I feel more spaciousness in these connections, more ease and grace.

There is an innocent joy in being helpful to someone in need, and I delight in giving of myself. And I no longer do it in a form that is depleting or harmful to myself or the relationship. That is in almost all of my relating, except with my primary care givers where I am still learning to calm my nervous system and uphold my boundaries.

It is nice enough to be wanted and I now look into the unvoiced or unknown motivations hidden in the wanting, the stickiness that would create distortions in the relational flow if left unexamined and unaddressed.

Not much compares to connections of reciprocal value and love, though.
The fabric of these connections feels light and luminous like gossamer and yet when put under strain it is stronger than Tungsten. The fabric of connections built on want or need are more fragile, volatile, and lacking in resilience in comparison. Which is why I prefer being valued and valuing those I connect with. Less may do for a while, at a distance, or until lessons are learned and contracts are fulfilled.

With gratitude for the eternal Guru and her infinite wisdom and guidance in this complex dimension of consciousness evolution.

Photography by Venuskind

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Dream school in my definition is set apart from usual dreams, which are made up of the feedback and information shared by the subconscious and its capacity to read energy and other subtle cues for survival or wellbeing in a human definition. Such dreams have been valuable guides and helpers in navigating the complexities of life within the laws and layers of Maya.

Yet the teachings of dream school are not meant to help me succeed and be happy in human definitions or the narrative layers of Maya I am currently engaging with. Dream school has an evolutionary and awakening purpose, it doesn’t care much for the dualistic narrative streams of Maya as it lies close to the Reality of Self.

Set beyond Maya and higher dimensional realms of consciousness it is an in-between space, allowing the confluence of an abundance of multidimensional consciousness layers to serve in customizing and expanding the curriculum for the dream student.

This is where I have been called to learn to see from higher consciousness the ancestral and soular patterns of karma weaving their stories in my experience.
Here I learn to utilize, calibrate and attune meta-senses, I get a respite from the heaviness of the human experience and am surrounded with higher frequencies. Frequencies hailing from star kin and home, which replenish me whenever ‘humaning’ leaves me depleted and remind me of my choice and purpose in incarnating in this time, ancestral lineage, soul tribe, and narrative complexes.
Here I am taught to utilize codes and energies to heal and liberate my human consciousness from the fetters of the collective daze, ancestral limitations, and to rework the body to release whatever stands in the way of fulfilling my soul purpose and create more space for higher frequencies of Self.

Lately dream school has been back in session with verve and I am given ‘feeling tones‘ of frequencies of being, relating and co-creation to hold (embody) and be on the lookout for in choosing companions and fellow travelers, who will be supportive and expansive to my path. I am being shown the necessity to put my focus and discipline into keeping my boundaries healthy and strong as intensities on Earth will keep rising for several more years and I have to walk my path undeterred by it to fulfill my part in this evolutionary phase of human consciousness.
My personal priorities can no longer swerve back to the hunt for human definitions of happiness (partnership, success, money, etc.), no matter how subtle my ego may attempt to do so. My singular priority in this incarnation is to fulfill and be true my Soul’s path with integrity, knowing and expanding consciousness.
Everything else needs to be in service to, fully align with it or released.

This is the nature of the path I chose before incarnation and I choose now, as a whole being, from my current level of consciousness.

My way of waking from dream school keeps taking many new rhythms and forms. Yet there are certain aspects that seem constant: feeling myself being gently pulled from the dream lesson, the link between higher and lower mind being strong the higher mind begins sharing the insights of the lesson in words and terms the lower mind can grasp or unpack, then they unitedly start reflecting, unpacking, associating, feeling into, anchoring this new knowing into the body… All that happens in the period I slowly move from dream consciousness to waking consciousness, and sometimes lingers on when I make time and space for it.
Afterwards, as I stretch and open my eyes I tap into my intuition to sense how this knowing wants to be carried into my day: through a sitting meditation, through sounding it to my subtle body, through writing meditation, or does it want to ferment and grow more before put into action or words.
And that is how that day will begin and unfold…

There is a sacredness yet lightness, playfulness and lots of humor to the teachings of dream school. I feel grateful to be enrolled in its mastery classes, even if my human sometimes struggles to release the conditionings, woundings, and to embrace the teachings and guidances and graces bestowed upon me.

Photography: Buddha offering, Lantau Island/Hong Kong by Michael Kenna

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Trying to remember when last I had a comparable experience of effortless and seamless flow of understanding, knowing, expansion, inspiration and the wonderment of encountering oneness, sameness and differentiation concurrently and blissfully. 

Thinking back and sense-feeling through memories of encounters with beloveds and inspiring beings on my path I only came up with two people who elicited similar, though by far not equal, experiences when first met: my best friend and one of my ex partners. 

This made the encounter even more rare and precious in retrospect.

This meeting did not feel like those with people  recognize as part of my soul tribe as it was not his energy feeling-sensing harmonious with mine which drew me in. Soul tribe gives me a sense of kinship, safety, and speaks to a similarity of heartfulness and qualities of being. I remain aware of our differentness while delighting in contrasts as opportunities for inspiration, learning, and expansion. There is an imminent affection and endearment I am well aware of and enjoying in the moment. It is a conscious experience of knowing and a choice for boundless openness and curiosity to explore and be with the other and whatever unfolds between us in time.

This was not what happened here.

It is only in retrospective reflection and contemplation that multilayered nature of our encounter reveals itself to me. In the moment of meeting him I was ‘just’ present, focused on the delightful mental-emotional exchange. It is only now that the extraordinary sense of ease and being at home with them and the felt-sensed sameness of frequency is cognizant to me. I guess it is so rare to be emitting the same chord of complex tones that I have not developed the awareness or alertness to it in the moment. It poses no danger so my nervous system did not develop an acute awareness to it. It was far more important to this human experience to suss out frequential harmony or disharmony with others to foresee and prevent pain or dysfunctional dynamics. 

The experience I had is decidedly different from moments of conversations with others where we gleefully discover same interests, ideas and finish each others sentences. It was not the delight in finding overlaps of perspectives, feelings or thoughts. These of course are amazing and valuable in their own right. What I shared with him was not a sameness of ideas or heartfulness but a sameness of calibration and focus of soul consciousness: The way our soul chooses to explore the human experience, to play with what is learned, and what gives the human mind purpose, meaning and delight in this journey. 

Which makes for a rare effect: A thought or experience shared is taken up by the other and threaded into an experience or idea of theirs, which doesn’t lead to the ‘usual’ delight in learning something new or unexpected through the different prism of perception of another but rather to an expansion of my own experience as the signature of his sharing is not just coherent but actually equal to mine. Their experience, though clearly not what I experienced in this incarnation or journey, is integrated seamlessly as if I had experienced it. There was a level of direct transmission and integration, I have not experienced in this degree of seamlessness and effortlessness before.

Can you tell how much I am struggling to find adequate words for this specific texture and sense of resonance with another?

I sense this is a new level of communion and communication which is slowly opening up to me and us. One where union and individuality are experienced at a depth which makes relating more joyful and less challenging as the knowing of oneness (not sameness!) is so wholly known that differences and sameness are but colors to explore in painting shared experiences and adventures. There is little snagging or adversity in contrasts of opinions, feelings or concepts as the degree of detachment in playing with human perceptions is more total than I have experienced before. And yet the feelings of love, compassion, joy, and being engaged as a whole being are much higher and encompassing than in other exchanges or meetings. Fascinating.

I know this is not essentially about the person I communicated with, though it has its weighty part in it, but primarily about the frequency of being we both have been emitting and engaging from. 

This seems to have been one of the preview moments I am gifted in order to call me into another dimension or mode of being and experiencing this magnificent life. A moment of remembrance of what life can be to inspire me to focus and master my energy purposefully and intentionally on what expands and grows the experience and radiation of love and unity in diversity.

The invitation has been received with gratitude, now I shall work with excitement towards a life filled with this level of communion, shared being, inspiration and bliss.

Have you ever experienced something like this?

Do you feel like sharing a bit about your perceptions and experience? 

Art by Unknown

The post The Invitation appeared first on Venuskind.

sensing the need for a new path

one free from the weight of what was

listening to the wisdom and potentiality of now

time has no meaning or abode here

human scripts are but a thin specter

the numinous rays of the eternal sun call for evolution

the lilting voice of gaia whispers of cycles and rebirth

as the soul attunes to new harmonic resonances in the all

crafting a new dream and path for the being

the human transfixed in awe

goes about her mundane life

surrendered to the unfolding

trusting the goodness of becoming

trusting the wisdom of the void

~ in the void

Photograph by Sergio Carbajo Rodriguez

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God said, “That’s nice who are you?”

The little soul said, “I am the light.”

God said, “That’s right you are the light.”

The soul thought for a second and said, “But I want to be the light!”

God said, “But you are the light.”

The soul said, “I know I am the light but I want to be the light. I want to experience myself being the light. I want to know myself in my own experience.”

God said, “Oh I see, you want to experience being who you already are.”

The little soul said, “Yes, that’s it. I want to experience myself being the light, not just know it but experience being the light.”

God replied, “That is understandable, but it is a bit of a challenge because you see there is nothing else but the light. I have created naught but the light. For you are as a candle in the sun. Oh,you are there for sure, with a billion, billion, billion other candles that make up the sun. But the sun would not be the sun without you. No, it would be the sun without one of its candles and that would not be the sun at all. Yet how to know yourself as the light amidst the light … ‘Tis truly a puzzle,” said God.

“Well,” said the little soul, “You’re God, think of something.”

God said, “I will and I have. Here is what we will do. You cannot experience yourself as the light amidst the light so we will surround you with that which you are not. We will imagine together that which is not you and we will surround you with it, and we will call it the darkness. We will surround you with the darkness. We will surround you with the opposite of that with you are, so that you may know in your experience how brightly you shine.”

The little soul said, “Ok I am ready. Bring on the darkness I can be the light.”

God said. “I will, for you have asked for this and requested it. I will surround you with the darkness and yet in the moment that you find yourself so surrounded by the darkness raise not your fist at heaven and curse the darkness. Instead, be a light unto the darkness that you may know who you really are and that all whose lives youtouch might know who they really are as well. Let your light so shine before people so that they will see the glory of themselves reflected in you. You may do this with any aspect of divinity you wish,” said God to the little soul. “So choose well and choose wisely in this and in your many lifetimes. For life has as its “soul” purpose the choosing and the being of an aspect of me that you are.” God said, “What do you then choose in this your next lifetime?”

The little soul excitedly said, “Wow, wow I can be anything you are.”

God said, “Yes, all of it or any part of it. Here are your choices. So what do you choose?”

The little soul said, “You mean in the next lifetime? I can be happy or joy, or wisdom or peace or love or or …”

“That is right,” said God.

The little soul said, “I choose … I choose …that. That is what I want to be. I want to experience that.”

God said, “My, my, my, this is a big day for you.You have chosen forgiveness! You want to be forgiving.”

“Yes, yes,” said the little soul, “that is what Iwant to do I want to experience myself as forgiveness.”

“Well” said God, “there is only one challenge, you see there is no one to forgive.”

“No one?” said the little soul.

God replied, “Look around, do you see anyone less perfect, less beautiful less wondrous than you?”

In that moment the little soul turned and saw that all the souls from the universe had gathered for they had heard about the little soul’s discussion with God. The soul looked around and all there was to see was wonder, beauty and perfection.

Even as the little soul was perfection there was nothing but perfection all around and the little soul said, “So I can see nothing but perfection all around. Who then shall I forgive? There is none less perfect than I. How shall I experience forgiveness ?”

Just then a friendly soul stepped forward from the crowd. “Do not despair. You can forgive me.”

The little soul said, “You, who are you?”

The friendly soul replied, “I am one among many, I have chosen to step forward. I will provide you with someone to forgive in your next lifetime. I will do something in this your next lifetime that you can forgive.”

“What, what?” said the little soul, “What will you do?”

“Oh,” the friendly soul replied, “We will think of something.”

“But, but, why?” said the little soul, “Would you do that? For you are an object of beauty as am I. A being of total perfection, whose light is produced by the very vibration of your blessed and glorious self. So rapidly do you vibrate and shine that I cannot gaze upon you. What would cause you to slow down your vibration to such a speed that you would become heavy enough to do this horrible thing? Why would you do that?”

Said the friendly soul, “It is quite simple, I would do it because I love you. Oh, do not look so amazed. You have done it for me as well. Do you not remember? Have you forgotten me so soon? We have danced this dance before you and I. We have danced this dance before. We have been through all of it.

Do you not remember? We have been to the up and the bottom of it, to the left and the right of it. The before and the after. We have been the good and the bad of it. We all have been through all of it for each other. Surely you remember when I was the victim and you were the villain? Surely you remember, but you are right about one thing. It will not be easy slowing down my vibration exactly as you have described. It is not a simple matter, so I have only one favor to ask of you in this next lifetime. It is that you may be forgiving.”

“What, what?” said the little soul. “I will do anything, anything. I get to experience myself as who I am. What could I possibly do for you in return?”

The friendly soul replied, “In the moment that I strike you and spite you, in the moment that I do the worst thing possible to you that you can imagine, in that self same moment remember who I really am. Because if you forget me as I am now I will not remember myself at all. Worse yet, you are liable to forget yourself too and then we will both have forgotten who we really are then we will need a third person to help us remember.”

The little soul replied, “I will not forget. I will not forget. I will remember even in the worst moment!”

~ Author Unknown

Photography: The Legend of the Mentawai by Goran Jovic

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Suddenly my mind turned towards my body and I saw that after all the work in self love and honoring of my body there was still deep down in my subconscious a FEAR OF THE BODY.

Consciously that didn’t make any sense to me because what is there to be afraid of in having this protective and fascinating form? But on opening more to it I got flashes of feelings of overwhelm at the rush of sensations a body gives a soul.
Could it be that my soul has experienced a trauma at interfacing with a human body causing feelings of unease and distrust to reverberate throughout lifetimes?

Whatever the causation or details, this is my current healing and growth edge: To connect more trustingly, in bliss and love with my body as this old fear is released with gratitude for the treasure of experiences it brought to me.

My intent is and shall be unity, peace, sovereignty and love within my being and all that is.

Photography: Unknown

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“Women find that as they vanquish the predator, taking from it what is useful and leaving the rest, they are filled with intensity, vitality, and drive. The predator’s rage can be rendered into a soul-fire for accomplishing a great task in the world. The predator’s craftiness can be used to inspect and understand things from a distance. The predator’s killing nature can be used to kill off that must properly die in a woman’s life, or what she must die to in her outer life, these being different things at different times. Usually, she knows exactly what they are.”
~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Most people have never heard of transmutation in a psychological or spiritual context or any idea of its possibilities and gifts.

Transmutation is the transformation of one element into another – a historically alchemical concept. Transmutation doesn’t easily fit into the linear materialistic and brittle westernized mind. Minds that have not been given knowledge and understanding of our fluid and changeable make up and thereby limiting and obstructing our understanding of our nature and vast potential for change and healing. And what is more our minds lack a deeper knowing and knowledge of the “Law of One”and its ramifications for every aspect of our experience and life and therefore they get most things about life wrong.

Delving into the richness of myths, stories, spirituality and esoteric teachings helps us re-wild ourselves and reconnect with the vast knowledge our ancestors held. Knowledge which in our times is increasingly being backed by scientific research even if the mainstream media narrative ignores most of it.

In the fabricated ignorance of our minds we do not see that all that has been experienced and recorded in us can be transmuted and used as fuel for the expansion of our true self, for the connection with the precious “soul skin” guiding us towards meaning, fulfillment and deep inner peace and aliveness. Our minds have been taught to denigrate, repress or even destroy what they don’t understand or were taught to judge. Our soul and spirit on the other hand are capable of observing non-judgmentally and using that which can serve the soul path in creative, enlivening and empowering ways. They know that all is energy and all energy can be transformed but never eliminated as they operate on a higher level of consciousness and knowing of existence.

This alchemical transmutations of our psyche at the hands of our soul and spirit are the most sacred gifts of life we can learn to make space for, receive, cultivate and nourish. It for sure is no walk in the park, much rather a cycle of birth/ life/ death/ rebirth, and all over again and again. Necessitating us to cultivate the courage and strength necessary for these cycles by surrendering and trusting the wisdom of our inner wise and wild creative energy.

It is hard to fathom for the uninitiated how aspects of what created suffering for us in the form of predatory behaviors in others or in behavioral patterns conditioned into our subconscious can become strengths and building blocks of our new selves and realities built of our own making and not that of imprints and patterns. Regardless if they are friends or enemies of old, they all can transmute from a monster into a protector and aide in our growth and creative expressions and ventures.

In my mind this is the ultimate victory and elevation from being a survivor of our childhoods or other traumatic experiences in life towards being thrivers and sovereign creators.

All who walk this path will tell you they would never give it up for anything and anyone…. regardless of the pains and losses along the way.. as it feeds the fire and aliveness deep within us. 

Look into our eyes and you will see it shimmer through our vulnerable magnificent beauty!

Photograph: Unknown

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