For letting me repose in and relish desireless EMPTINESS and delight in embodying the void.

For making me ask myself how I can bring more of the qualities of the VOID to my experiences and encounters.

For teaching me to face REALITY as it is and stop fighting, denying, or projecting upon it from fear and a lack of acceptance.

For helping me get crystal clear who ‘my kind of people’ are by correcting my perceptions of embodied and lived SPIRITUALITY and alignment with my being.

For making me read Alexandra Stein’s “Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems” and plunging me into revisiting my past to purge more of the damages incurred by MANIPULATION, BETRAYAL, COERCION and OPPRESSION. A harrowing and dark experience which liberated me and created space for more possibilities in my perceptions and life.

For ongoing and potent DREAMWORK to release past woundings and misperception, inspire new lines of inquiry, and to introduce new emotional and energetic set points.

For deepening my lessons on FULLY SURRENDERING to SELF, teaching me to let go of willing and instead to intend and show up, while trusting deeply in the fulfillment of my Soul’s desires. Releasing more of my identifications with my tribe of selves as well as becoming more compassionate and considerate of them.

Teaching me that the BLISS the mystics speak of is not just to be found in ‘peak experiences’ or ‘peak phenomena’ but also in the elation derived from surrender to Self, heart-centered being (not emotion-centered being there is a crucial difference), the integration of shadow, and the transmutation of the conditioned self through the luminous power of consciousness. This kind of bliss is not reliant on external circumstances or the absence of pain or suffering, its subtle and pervasive nature shines through all of experience and brings levity and joy to the attuned being, which in turn allows for even more expansion into being and blissfulness.

For healing more of my MISPERCEPTIONS and ATTACHMENTS to one of my parents, moving me from the toxicity of neediness and resentment towards compassionate detachment.

For DEARMORING me and teaching me to feel more and cultivate useful skills in navigating life from a more open and vulnerable state by deepening my trust and Self-leadership.

For guiding me to expand into PLAYFULNESS and release limiting thinking and self censorship.

For teaching me to RELATE and LOVE in a new way by gifting me with deeply meaningful and expansive explorative experiences with evolutionary minded Souls. Allowing me to get intimate with all aspects of myself and become clear on what I truly need, want, and desire in relationships and how to manifest it, whilst reminding me to beware of settling for ‘less than’ my being desires.

For giving me the realization that I no longer turn to LOVE RELATIONSHIPS as a panacea for a deficit of love, as that has been taken care of by self and tribe love, but to co-create evolutionary containers for shared magical and extraordinary adventures.

For making me conscious of the unconscious AMBIVALENCE towards men that steeped relating with them into a dualistic dynamic of desire/delight on the one hand and fear/repulsion on the other.

For teaching me about the importance of an internal felt sense of EQUALITY, POWER, and ADMIRATION in love relationships.

For giving me opportunities to practice OPENING FULLY to a man and surrendering to the experience of relating with trust. And also reminding me that having an attraction, great connection, or feelings of love for someone doesn’t imply a need for turning it into a committed relationship.

For helping me remember, reclaim, and update old DREAMS and aspects of my being.

For inspiring me to create a new VISION BOARD from a knowing of wholeness and understanding of what fulfills and grows me instead of the distortions of desires and unconscious scarcity beliefs.

For giving me an opportunity to actively and PHYSICALLY CHANGE what doesn’t align with or serve me, which was unbelievable rewarding and important at this point of my journey. After years of having been taught to be patient and trust the unfolding without physically intervening this felt especially liberating and delightful.

For reminding me what great delight and pride I take in the WORK OF MY OWN HANDS and that it is way sweeter than enjoying the luxury of having someone else take care of stuff for me. And that no matter how tired, sore or exhausted I felt my little bull’s heart was aglow with glee.

For giving me ample opportunities to be sensing, experiencing and seeing the vastness of my STRENGTH, DISCIPLINE, and PERSISTENCE in expression and enjoy how amazing it feels.

For allowing me to discard things, which my mother had held onto without my consent or knowing, and which kept unwanted energetic cords alive with past aspects of my life. And for the delight that followed said DISCARDING as rushes of energy returned to my body and being.

For granting me the knowing that every part of me and the ego mind which operates on adversarial perceptions and narratives becomes a SLAVE to duality.

For teaching me that mastering DUALITY does not mean directing or dominating it but rather knowing its true nature and engaging it from consciousness without submitting to identifications, attachments, and dogma.

MASTERY in the mystical sense is not about domination, as that is beholden to fear not love, it is about being ONE WITH duality and playing with its seeming contrasts in creative, joyful, aligned and expansive ways. Seeing through its appearance of duality and contrast to perceive the underlying oneness.

For teaching me about the need and joy of living from ALERT PRESENCE. Not an alertness in the sense of vigilance (which is mostly rooted in fear) but alertness arising from being fully present, open and in harmonic resonance with the rhythm and flow of life.

For giving me the realization that these times call me to be with WHAT IS without getting entangled or invited into shadow play by narratives and stories wanting to wrap themselves around it. They call for my ability to stand strong in my discerning sovereignty and Self while engaging with the moment from curiosity, playfulness, compassion and love. To be CONCURRENTLY SEPARATE and ONE WITH ALL.

Teaching me to no longer allow my mind/body to be pulled in false dichotomies, meet dualities with a knowing and intent of ‘both/and’ to break the spells of limitations and distortion, and to allow Consciousness to offer new perspectives and pathways to INFINITE POSSIBILITIES from the vastness of its wisdom. New perspectives and solutions which not only help me navigate the challenges set before me but also to thrive and delight in engaging with them.

For sensitizing me to the fact that due to my experience of spiritual trauma and entrainment of a narcissistic God, I have to be mindful that the deep-set distrust and ambivalence towards said deity does not CROSS CONTAMINATE subconsciously my relationship with inner Presence (higher Self) or Source.

For teaching me to reclaim and step into my INNOCENCE and access the immense power and spaciousness it comes with as I consistently love on my inner child.

For challenging me to get past linguistic obstacles and learn to express VULNERABILITY as easily in German as I have learned to do in English. Helping me drop some of the unhelpful cultural conditionings and reigniting my love for the poetry and richness of the German language.

For bringing back old and new MALE FRIENDS into my life and teaching us to relate on higher levels of awareness, authenticity, vulnerability, compassion and love. I appreciate and welcome the replacement of friendships lost in years back and the upping of masculine energy in my circles. Acknowledging the fulfillment of longheld wish.

For ending on a gift and high note, which give me a knowing and positive outlook on 2022’s oncoming magic and gifts.

Photography: Chelsea Jackson Roberts by Francesco Mastalia

The post Thank You 2021 appeared first on Venuskind.

Every move onwards is initiated by a need for what the new is about to gift me and the knowing that the old has become irremediably dissonant to my being. Followed by a phase of in-betweenness where two incongruent belongings push and pull at parts of me to a point of unbearability, which finally results in my surrender and releasing of old self, identity, labels, attachments, and sometimes even people as the new unapologetically takes center space in my life.

The surrender period is preceded and suffused with similar sensations and feelings as disillusionment and emptiness come with. A phase where I began to taste the Void, in a minuscule dose at first, and in exponentially growing extents as the repetitions and decades rolled by. It is only in the past few years that I started to recognize and know the Void, befriended her and became aware of the sweetness of her nature and gifts. From being in, and in time communing with, the Void something new begins to take form and become part of my embodied experience. Lately it has become a negotiation of form as the new proposes a form for itself and awaits patiently my embodied co-creative response in order to either choose a new form or begin to weave itself into the tapestry of my life.

The loss of identification with a relationship, group, identity, label, or self perception is a bittersweet process where feelings of fear, loss and grief lead into moments of bereft solitude which transform by and by into an expanded sense of freedom, possibilities and gratitude.

These processes in their internal, and rather non-physical, nature are often not accessible or understood by others, whose life and soul path is not laid out to take the twists and turns mine seems to thrive on. All that is visible and accessible to them is a change in me, my behaviors, my loss of interest or engagement with things we once shared, and sometimes even a cooling in my affects. I sometimes struggle with the same things myself. And yet experience has taught me the best way in dealing with such shifts is to accept them and fully surrender myself to what wants to be.

I have no words or answers to give to others, or myself for that matter, which will explain the above process in a way that makes it more palatable or graspable for those who lack personal experiential knowing of this. I can attempt to explain but it seems inevitably to falls short and leave both sides disappointed or confused.

In time I have come to accept my being and the eeriness of my life as it is, after countless repeated inquiries into it (is it avoidance? A bypass? Or some other form of pathology?) and tries to go against my inner guidance to hold on to the old and paying dearly for it. Mind you, this is no defeatism, just the hard won wisdom of accepting life as it is and no longer trying to make it fit concepts human minds created.

This is part of what has dis-identified me from many social contracts, conditionings and expectations still alive in the majority of humans. This, amongst many other things, has let me know Reality (the creation of the One/Consciousness) extends far wider than our (western) thinking and conditioning allows us to perceive or even think possible. It has taught me to become warily aware of the stories we humans tell ourselves about the nature of existence and reality. And it has nurtured a yearning for more engagement with the fabric of Reality instead of the virtual constructs of the mind we mistakenly call reality. But that is a whole different universe onto itself.

I feel myself journeying through another of these shifts, which has been stretching over a few years now. A shift that has kept releasing self concepts, beliefs, narratives, identifications, alignments with groups, people to the point of feeling untethered, unattached, unallied, impartial, detached, and mildly disinterested in the fabrications of the human mind from a sense of vastness, oneness and balance. In this eerie in-between space between the old and whatever new is birthing through us, the inner tribe has been torn between wanting to hold on to the common ground shared with others and being pulled by Spirit into new dimensions of being, perceiving and engaging with life from less distortion and with more of Reality. If you will the later is to me like water to a thirsty traveler traversing the heat and barrenness of the desert.

Currently I find myself reposing in the Void – she has become so familiar I sometimes forget I have yet to step out of her to really play and co-create with the new. The ongoing shift seems to have a different magnitude and therefore the process of negotiating a form of whatever is coming in is slower and for the first time feels like a co-creational process shared with other souls, which takes attunement for coherence and is probably why it is taking years.
To say I am curious and excited to know what is being co-created and with whom would be a stark understatement. I sense that part of the souls I am co-creating with are not yet part of my human experience, while the identity of those who are might surprise me, and yet others feel like non-physical kin to me (ancestral, star).

Giving up on trying to want to make sense of it with my human mind, or worse trying to know the timing and next steps to it gives me peace and the spaciousness to play within this current experience. And it supports me in holding this internal flux Reality while engaging on the human dimension with stagnant dynamics, things, places, and patterns which feel immaterial, illusive, and anachronistic to me.

Life remains magnificent and strange in its exquisitely mysterious way.

Art: Gold Couture II by Design Fabrikken

The post In-betweenness appeared first on Venuskind.

sensing the need for a new path

one free from the weight of what was

listening to the wisdom and potentiality of now

time has no meaning or abode here

human scripts are but a thin specter

the numinous rays of the eternal sun call for evolution

the lilting voice of gaia whispers of cycles and rebirth

as the soul attunes to new harmonic resonances in the all

crafting a new dream and path for the being

the human transfixed in awe

goes about her mundane life

surrendered to the unfolding

trusting the goodness of becoming

trusting the wisdom of the void

~ in the void

Photograph by Sergio Carbajo Rodriguez

The post in the void appeared first on Venuskind.