mindfulness Archives - Venuskind

Questions from the Void of a Flashback

venuskind — Mon, 29 Nov 2021 16:18:56 +0000

How do I explain to him that something about his physique triggered deep feelings of repulsion and disgust, which are owed to experiences with an abusive person from my childhood?

How do I explain that my mind is reeling while trying to differentiate and keep apart timelines, feelings and persons?

How do I own and express to him that I know it’s unfair that he is affected by my childhood trauma and that I choose to protect and love my inner child even if it means hurting his feelings in the process?

How do I hold space for his hurt without collapsing into abandoning myself while gently advocating for my wounded child?

How do I express my gratitude for our meeting because it revealed an unconscious effect of my past and helped me avoid hurting myself and others in this way again now that I gained an understanding of this trigger?

~ June 2016

Art by Unknown

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Retreating to Heal

venuskind — Mon, 30 Jul 2018 08:02:50 +0000

In cycles of deep inner healing I observe myself retreating from certain people not from a space of judgement but from an intuitive knowing that their energy is disruptive or detracting from my healing.

Harshness, judgmental attitudes, criticizing, unconsciousness and coldness are uncomfortable in our adult, detached or armored states. When we delve into inner child healing, opening to the rawness of our essence and our darkest stories of inadequacy and unlove, we are once again experiencing life as the highly sensitive and defenseless child we were and these things become nigh unbearable.

Only few people have the emotional intelligence to be present with us without eventually switching into auto-piloting from their subconscious and being thoughtless and hurtful when triggered.
And as painful as that is, it is not their job to be different to protect our inner child, it is ours to take ourselves away from such people and encounters until we healed enough to handle them without hurting ourselves unnecessarily.

An integral part of taking responsibility for ourselves is being mindful of our states, feelings and boundaries and honoring them to allow our self to evolve and express fluidly as well as to be kind towards others.

We don’t live in cultures that value tender and fragile aspects of our selves and as we are remembering how to do so ourselves we will be often challenged. Yet as we progress along our path of healing and exploration we come across those who can be guardians of our tenderness and gardeners of the flourishing of our souls.

I am grateful for this innate wisdom of moving towards integration and love.
I am grateful for my role models of vulnerability, emotional intelligence and holding space.
I am grateful for the friends and family with whom I get to experience safe spaces and grow from my mistakes and learn to be gentler and fully present.
I am grateful for those who hurt me in moments of vulnerability and allowed me to experience my inner strength and resilience.
I am grateful to myself for getting clearer on what I need and what works for my wellbeing and expansion and for learning to move away from who and what doesn’t serve me.

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Open Mind

venuskind — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 07:53:48 +0000

We live in times where most have conditioned responses originating from subconscious fear and shame imprints expressing through an unwillingness to confront, listen and contemplate, with ridicule and judgement which are often in tandem with and egoic false superiority towards anything not in line with personal opinions or current cultural or scientific theories and beliefs.

Our wiser ancestral traditions had the ability to engage with ideas, be they opinions truth folklore or myths without rigidity, with a sense of discernment, a beginner’s mind and trust in their heart’s guidance.

The ability to engage with anything internal or external from a playful curiosity, devoid of judgement and fear programs, seeking insights into truth’s and illusions’ emanations is truly rare.

Why are we so afraid to allow our mind to entertain the foolish, the different, the dejective and let our curiosity and intuitive capacities of creating knowing use these for a more differentiated and subtle understanding of our reality?
Why is it so hard for so many to grasp the beauty and miracle of our individual realities thanks to our meaning creators of minds?
Why are we quick to forget how easy it is to manipulate our brains, decisions and thinking with simple strategies and techniques? Why are we ready to embrace this knowledge but so unwilling in researching how we have fallen for manipulation?
When have we begun to be so awfully serious, fear-driven and incapable of holding several contrasting ideas in our mind?
How are we so blind to the oneness of seeming dualities all around us?
Isn’t it time we stepped out of this suffocating game of ignorance and fear to claim our wholeness and sovereignty?

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.“
~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo: “Utopia and Dystopia” by Kelia Anne