I am fascinated how hard it is for the tender and longing aspect in me to let go of the hope that existing connections can change and take a form that is mutually nurturing and expansive. The naive rationale that where there is sympathy or love there has to be a way of connecting deeper and finding the flow that nourishes and makes our hearts come alive. I have sat in contemplation of what it is that keeps our repetition compulsion going when our behavioral patterns never bring about the desired or needed outcome. How young and vulnerable these aspects within are that engage with life from the limited and magical thinking of a young child.

Teaching this aspect that the connection, flow and love it seeks is already available in my life, even if not in the connection it is focused on. Learning to redirect her focus on where love and affection are always available and flowing, making her realize that she no longer lives in scarcity and can let go of the grasping pattern. Showing her that focusing and fully opening to and engaging in the connections that naturally and effortlessly take to depths and heights more than fills all our cups of love, wellbeing, and joy. No need to make other connections be anything else than what they naturally are.

One of the most challenging lessons is teaching these young and tender aspects within to let go of their grasping, their asking for reality to change, for others to be different to who they really are instead of accepting reality as it presents and finding creative ways to fulfill needs and find joy in circumstances as they are. On a mental and cognitive dimension this is a simple thing to understand but the emotional and physical are slow to embrace changes in perception. Maybe this is the reason why it takes long and repeat periods in the ‘hanged man’ position, to speak once again in tarot, for us to shift out of old survival or adaptive patterns. There is something to these periods of suspension in the in-between that works on the subconscious and emotional body in healing and integrative ways.

Nothing compares to the massive feeling of relief and peace that take hold when said aspects embrace reality as it is and find they not only survive in doing so but begin to live and thrive for it. Even though it is accompanied with a depth of grief that may surprise and challenge us to be present and gentle with ourselves as it makes itself felt and known. Yes, there is a deep sadness, a feeling of loss and deprivation that wants to be felt as a message from years long gone and a self not allowing and capable of feeling these truths of experience.

When my adult eyes and mind surveyed my connections from this new inner state of healing I was able to let go of connections, which used to trigger this aspect in me as they ‘starved’ me emotionally for various and individual reasons. I let them go in love and gratitude for showing up in my experience as teachers and healing lessons and with wishes of goodness and blessings to them. 

Similar to the hopeful self-torture of keeping clothes that no longer fit our bodies in our closets as ‘motivation’, my subconscious patterns kept connections in my experience which were not aligned with my being. Now I could see the connections in their emptiness, their anachronism, and incompatibility with effortless clarity and no longer felt a need to stay connected.

Disconnecting and moving on brought on a feeling of ‘rightness’ or better alignment and flow into my experience of my relational field. Though not all connections that remained are connections at the depth of bonding and flow I prefer, they all feel good and aligned with me as they are. 

I celebrate depth where it is available and everywhere else I show up in a mirror of the depth, presence, affection, and care or from whatever level my authenticity wants to engage with them.

Instead of unconsciously trying to futilely deepen connections beyond their natural capacity and form, I consciously accept them for what they are from wholeness and emotional abundance within. Given my acceptance of the reality that what my heart seeks may be rare and not available in relating with the majority of people, I am even more appreciative, grateful, protective and nurturing of the connections which show up in said form.

I remain open to more beings meeting me in the depths and heights of heart and consciousness and the possibility of shared magical and transcendent explorations and experiences. Committed to compassion and acceptance with all the other relations which lack the glitter of stardust and droplets of the water of life.

And I bow to life as it unfolds in it multidimensional form, to the breadth of experiences available to us on our planet, and to the ability of consciousness to direct our path through this wild, magical and messy playground.

I bow in gratitude to the lessons that taught me the sweetness of yielding to life.

Art: Blanc Arctique by Sophie Wilkins 

The post The Unmet Yielding into Wholeness appeared first on Venuskind.

Spirit is raining down insights in waking and dreams on me like candy from a carnival procession. Insights which triggered all kinds of emotions, responses and reactivities thereby illuminating and revealing layers of conditioning whose time for release has come.

There are several facets to the nature of emotional fulfillment that are being revealed not merely to my mental perception but a whole being knowing, a process of becoming one-with, or said differently: integration of emotional fulfillment with emotional lack.

The first piece I received was that emotional fulfillment on the human or whole being dimension doesn’t necessitate a romantic relationship or a specific other. For my human it suffices to have an open-hearted and loving connection with nature in her various manifestation, regardless if its plant, animal, human, elemental or energetic kin. I lived for decades under the codependently colored misperception that I NEEDED enmeshed human relationships to be well and emotionally fulfilled.

My spiritual path has led me to deepen and strengthen my connection with Source and Self which created a new embodied reality for me. The unhealthy fear-driven fixation on human relationships, romantic and otherwise, has been fading away with the degree of inner integration and growing sense of wholeness. Now I welcome connections and relationships but no longer feel compelled to overlook or sacrifice my needs for them, nor center them unduly in my everyday life.

A new voice is ringing in my inner tribe which has called the codependent and romantic conditioned aspects out and illumined more blind spots in my relational system. She ruthlessly laid bare the aspects of relating I used to hide from my awareness. Making me face how costly romantic partnerships truly had been to my wellbeing, energy levels, and how little they gave for what they costed. Don’t get me wrong, they all had their meaning, function and treasures but of that I have been aware of  all along what I avoided facing were their shadow aspects and that is why that was highlighted to me.

And with that reviewing and highlighting another layer of the romantic dream and conditioning died away.

I find myself in a new self perception which dissolves all previous ideas of needing a (or several) intimate partnerships at the center of my life. I no longer seek or subtly long to establish them as the foundation of my life vision. My focus has shifted to envisioning my being as the sole foundation of my life and to keep cultivating, nurturing, and weaving a network of loving, caring and deeply spiritual connections and relationships around me (community).

I cannot stress enough what a huge shift this is to my system and perception of life and vision for my future.

Another guidance received was the need to integrate those parts of me who long for scripted external relationships to be the source of my emotional fulfillment. Understanding their plights and needs and integrating them into my inner tribe in a loving way to help them release these conditioned dreams and attachments in their own time. Showing and teaching them the difference in embodied and felt sense of fulfillment between the relationships they attracted and the quality of relationships which are present, free, precious, blissful, growth-inducing, and available without their overlay of conditions.

I am learning to release the sticky hands of codependent parts from my life and relating, and in equal measures to set boundaries to the sticky hands of other’s codependent aspects when they grab at me or my energy in unhealthy and unwelcome ways. The second part being the more challenging at times.

My higher Self called me to retreat into internal oneness to rebalance and recalibrate more of my being to this new sense of self and to engage from it with my network of beloveds for attunement, shared joy, and to experience what this new state co-creates with them and life in general.

Art by Daniel Taylor

The post Emotional Fulfillment appeared first on Venuskind.