here in this beautiful now i am standing alone at the precipice of a new life. a life you might become a part of or a life in which you might turn into a transient memory slowly fading away as the years roll by. only time can tell what it will be and so i widen my heart to love you more fully because now is all we have for sure and because you are the one i hope life chose to be mine…


yet every time my love for you deepens i have to make myself let go more – let go of my attachment to wanting to be with you, let go of my imagining a common future and let go of my minds obsession with thoughts of you. 

never have i felt the impermanence of life and my vulnerability more than in my love for you. there are uncried tears in my eyes when i smile at you, a melancholy coloring my joy and laughter as the writings on the wall tell me to open my hands and let you go… then my hands slowly let go as i do not want to lose you!

“To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go.“ 
~ Lao Tzu

I wrote these words 4 years ago. Reminding me of relationship and love  transformational and elegant in its uniqueness. A man I still adore and love deeply even if our paths parted and we are no longer connected on a human level.

I had the honor of learning to open my heart in the face of fears, uncertainty, to allow for my vulnerability and let it all in, surrendering fully to the impermanence of our human experiences while embracing the eternity of love with an exceptional being.

I had let you go as you did me and yet I love and hold you more deeply today than I was capable of then my beloved K..

With gratitude, love and blessings for all you have been, are and will be!

Photography: Unknown

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“Women have been sacrificed throughout history, yet we women are today sacrificing the feminine on a large scale within. And then we are blaming the masculine. We want to offer our deepest apologies to man for all the hurt we have caused you.

We carry anger for past abuse, and unconsciously we are punishing the masculine even when you show up as love. We lead you on and reject you sexually. In our wounds we don’t see and honor your sexuality as sacred and beautiful. In this way we are feeding into the cycle of wounding between the genders.

We have denied our power, given it away, blamed you for taking it and we have forgotten to embrace our femininity. Through various conditioning of society and not following our hearts, wombs and intuition to flourish and blossom, through our forgetfulness and avoidance we have denied both men and women liberation.

In our bitterness and feminine starvation we empower ourselves by making you small and ridiculous. We speak of the masculine with contempt and disrespect and instead we took it upon ourselves to compete with men, when this was a futile competition to start with.

We want to loudly and clearly commit to supporting each others as sisters to break these destructive patterns so that we all, both men and women can re-member, re-integrate, re-marry, and re-unite with awakening love to create the balance and harmony on earth we all so deserve. Now is the time.”
~ Chameli Ardagh & Stella Fairbairn

Healing is an inside job beginning with the integration of all aspects of our selves, it necessitates us to take full responsibility and to step out of a victim mindset regardless of gender.
We have to learn to address the dysfunctionalities of our relationships and world without reverting into blame, shame and guilt which so conveniently spare us to own our shadow and part in co-creating what we are lamenting.
Rising from our woundings does not lead us past survival to thriving and peace if we do not honor and unite the masculine and feminine we hold within, which will lead to honoring and finding common ground without.

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