What is transparency in relationships?

Transparency means to be open, honest and truthful.In the context of relationships, it is vital to the evolution of the partnership. It shows trust in our partners and our ability to be vulnerable and let someone in to what we are experiencing. Without transparency, there is no sharing and it shuts down growth.

Lack of transparency or openness can cause issues in relationships. Deflection can occur which gets us nowhere and keeps us trapped in a never ending cycle. Keeping someone in the dark and treating them like they have no right to care or to information breaks down communication and leads to the erosion of the partnership.

Why is transparency in relationships so important?

Transparency is important as it sets the depths in which the partnership is able to penetrate. If there is constant deflection, avoidance, excuses, or games there is no way to move deeper. Trust is broken. Communication becomes impossible. The party that is being deflected stops trying. Intimacy is shut down. It closes doors and builds walls. The relationship is effectively frozen.

Relationships are never easy, but they are built for two. If you’re constantly having to beg for someone to let you in, it’s time to walk away. Yes, sometimes we have to spend time alone to figure things out or deal with things. It’s important to have space in relationships in order to figure that out. But if someone is always leaving you in the dark or deflecting when you try to reach out, you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship that really nourishes you. Open, honest communication is vital for the continuation and expansion of relationships. Without this cornerstone, the pillars crumble. The more we open, the deeper we are able to go.

The truth is some people are happy in the shallow end of the relationship stream.

They don’t want to travel the intricate levels of the spirit. They don’t want to open up or have a soul deep connection. And no matter how hard you try to pry them open, you can’t. The important thing in these situations is to acknowledge your own need for greater depth and move on to something that provides that. You deserve someone who is open and willing to let you in. Life is too short to spend begging for someone to open up to you.

~ Ara Campbell

Photography: ‘White Gauze’ by Robert Mapplethorpe

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Attachment to the inner attracted the outer.

Preference for emotional and spiritual intimacy attracted mere mental and physical intimacy. 

Preference and attachment to anything creates the experience of the contrast and thereby cultivates suffering. Such is the price of choosing to play in duality and separation consciousness.

Stepping back, releasing attachments and preferences, moving into equanimity and freedom from cycles of self-perpetuated and co-created suffering. I no longer am available for these games born of unconsciousness and conditioning.

And who would have known? Releasing attachments and preferences creates spaciousness and a vast vista of possibilities, which let what once was desired fade into obscurity. Conscious reality is a force of merciless destruction and indomitable truth and beauty.

I bow in gratitude to all the teachers and catalysts who helped me learn these lessons, blessing you and your gifts, no matter if they came dressed as joyful or devastating visitations.

I am complete yet remain forever unfinished.

Photography by Lopamudra Talukdar

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“Good relationships trigger the hell out of us without trashing the relationship; great relationships trigger the hell out of us while deepening the relationship. And the best relationships use whatever happens, however difficult or disheartening, not only to deepen the relationship but also to awaken us beyond it.

What does not work in a relationship (assuming that neither partner is abusing the other) is what can make it truly work—especially in the sense of giving us sufficient jolts to alert us to our trances, consensual and otherwise—but only if such difficulties are approached by both partners as opportunities rather than problems. Not easy, not easy at all. After all, this asks that we venture from the shoreline into some really big waves. We might then strengthen or more firmly anchor our bond with our partner; or we might finally see that we are not right for each other, no matter what we do; or we might start new practices together; or we might recognize that the depth of our love will sustain us through all, or that it is not enough to keep us together; and so on. No guarantees.

We may think it would be great to be at our edge—which is where growth primarily occurs—but actually being there is not necessarily much of a picnic. In fact, it sometimes may be so unpleasant, so scary, so hard to stomach or handle that we find some convincing alibis to do otherwise—such as literally leaving the relationship, withdrawing from it while still in it, or keeping it relatively superficial.”
~ Robert Augustus Masters, Transformation Through Intimacy

Most shy away from making their relationships part of their spiritual journey.
But those who choose to engage in conscious relating know of the challenges of being at our edge with a partner and of its spiritual gifts when we surrender to the alchemy of the Beloved.

Photography by Robert Fass

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