Communication

venuskind — Sat, 01 Dec 2018 19:58:32 +0000

Reflecting on current experiences I realize that there has been a shift in my communication preferences I haven’t been fully aware of. I am way less affected by the communication style of people because of changes in my relational system and levels of self love. Few still manage to get under my skin and remind me to step into my inner spaciousness, observe my reactivities and stories my ego fabricates and the intuitive messages I am getting about the state of the connection before responding from clarity and equanimity. ⠀
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In our busy times and the stress people live with I understand that they will reply whenever they can and feel like it or potentially from depleted energy levels. And to be honest I would rather get a “late” message crafted with care and love after someone attended to their own needs than a hasty thoughtless reply devoid of presence by someone who keeps themselves depleted and frazzled. ⠀
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Yet I get miffed when people do not show respect and care for the connection by breaking their word and vanishing in the midst of virtual conversations when it takes only a minute to send something like “I am swamped, will get back to you asap” and doing as you write or let me know you do not want to communicate. No need to feel guilty about delays or forgetting but the lack of accountability and communication sucks. ⠀
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I prefer people who are kind with me and bring empathy and mindfulness to the building and nurturing of relationships.⠀
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Repeats of radio silence, apologies but no change of behavior, promises of getting in touch just to fall off the face of the earth, act like all is well or half-heartedly apologizing are sure ways of diminishing my respect and trust. There is no relationship once respect and trust are gone.⠀
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I do not get sad, angry, frustrated or confused at such behaviors and treatment. I step back and assess my energy, contemplate how I invited this experience, learn what can be learned, address it with the other if there is hope for change or resolution or else move on. ⠀
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It is not that hard people, do not allow your ego to alienate you from the people you profess to like or love! Is this how you truly want to be?

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Labels and Fragility

venuskind — Tue, 12 Jun 2018 07:19:00 +0000

Lately I am experiencing people’s fragility and reactivity around the use of appropriate labels that are self chosen by another or a group of people.

This mean ego move is not unknown to me, I have been doing this and might be in the danger of doing so when triggered, out of ignorance and lack of sensitivity.

I understand the discomfort with labels some might feel with a view to how many people utilize them as a means of setting themselves apart, exotizing the other or rendering the unique human being behind it invisible in any other way.
I get the subtle ways words and labels can have a self-limiting and -isolating effect if we are not mindful. “I AM” is a very powerful self programming sequence that can be useful or create unexpected suffering when chosen unwisely.

Rejecting the use of any labels or self chosen prescriptive of others is an expression of a lack of respect and understanding of another human’s equality and sovereignty. It speaks to me of the person’s lack of freedom to be all of who he truly is due to strict critical and judgmental self-management.
Not using labels, as a shorthand to convey multi-layered concepts, ideas or identities without adequate explanations is showing a lack in communication skills and understanding of its challenges. When you side-step labels to monologize on their content you might be in danger of being disrespectful of another’s time and communication preferences.
If using an appropriate label gives you a feeling of being “less than” our being out of your league and makes you reject and reframe the meaning the labels instead it speaks of old pain of being shamed to me.

I have compassion for internal conflicts and protective patterns but fiercely oppose the externalization that hurts another’s feeling or becomes part of systemic oppression.
Our discomfort and pain are invitations to inquire, to educate ourselves and use the tools of language even if they are lacking. When we follow that invitation and explore we inevitably will be met in our shared humanity and enriched by the diversity of lived and embodied realities and the kaleidoscope of insights it affords those open to receive.

The freedom of some to relabel themselves and their preferences is an act of liberation for all, opening the pathway to understanding our society and freeing ourselves from any label that limits our self expression.

Respecting everyone’s freedom of expression and choice of labels is a small admission fee to our own freedom, don’t you think?

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Communication

Labels and Fragility