“Sex is a form of emotional reassurance, a narcotic to still the pain of the bruised soul. If life batters them, then sex, like drugs or work, may numb the wound. the sexual act offers a momentary transcendence. Orgasm can be an ecstatic experience; for the moment one may feel outside the iron confines of ordinary consciousness. It is the closest that many men ever come to a religious experience. Thus the act of sex may mask a desperate search for acceptance, underneath which lurks the mother complex. This is ultimately a destructive game. Sex as loving, sex as conversing, sex as dialectic, all presuppose an equal partner. Sex as redemption distorts the relationship and allows entry to the Saturnian shadow of power. When Saturn is present, nothing is really fun, luminescent or transforming.”

“Sex, in particular, is given too much importance, for through it men seek to overcome their isolation from their feeling state and from their own body. They ask the Other to reconnect them and to reassure them before the dawn brings new battering. This makes them as vulnerable and dependent as before. As humans must hate those upon whom they depend, so tension and animosity grow, and eros is replaced by the shadow of power.”

~ James Hollis, ‘Under Saturn’s Shadow – The Wounding and Healing of Men’

Photography by Unknown

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It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit. ~ Eartha Kitt

Anyone who tried being in a relationship with someone who was lacking in self love knows how hard it is to constantly validate and affirm where they themselves keep belittling and denigrating themselves. And eventually the moment comes where you wonder why you keep pouring your precious love, energy and attention into this bottomless black hole of self loathing. Some day you realize that loving someone who cannot love them self is quite costly as it comes with bouts of their self loathing turning in resentment towards you after imagined or misconstrued slights.

Some are happy to stay in such relationships and I cannot help but feel an eerie admiration for their endurance and willingness to suffer.

What I choose are relationships of conscious, sovereign, self loving beings who can meet each other in reciprocal love, respect, trust, playfulness, creativity, intelligence, compassion and joy. 

A union of equals.

How blessed I am to know and keep meeting such beautiful and exquisite beings.

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