I am becoming gratefully aware how blessed I have been in my life to have preserved and protected the fertility of my inner landscapes and to be surrounded with glorious gardeners of their inner scapes. Not only glorious in their landscaping but also as knowledgable guides and co-adventurers in exploring their and my inner world. 

Thankful for friends, soul kin, and select family members, who generously shared of themselves and their rich inner lives and magical lands. For loving beings generous in their heart’s flow of emotional and affective energy, who express words of affirmation and appreciation with ease and grace.

Living in this abundance and free-flow blinded me to the degree of importance and value which words of affirmation and an unencumbered flow of emotional energy, self revelations, and sharing hold for my wellbeing. And it is in their absence or stark limitation that I realized more about my state and deeper needs for emotional fulfillment and wellbeing.

Holding space for an ever expanding silence in relating, for cumulating reductions or cessation of emotional flow, I experimented with my nervous system and its ability to adapt to a state that was akin to what wounded the child I once was. And to my delight I realized that I can handle this silence, which once would have triggered abject existential fears of abandonment, and be with myself with love and nurturance. An unexpectedly great opportunity to teach my inner child that I am stronger and more capable today and no longer need to fear these experiences.

Once these lessons were learned and the child adapted to this new self state my thoughts turned to the question if I am willing to be in relationships with a minimal and controlled flow of emotional and verbal connection.

I could balance the lack by anchoring deeper into inner abundant flows and by releasing the wish for another to share the opulence and abundance I have cultivated and am habituated to share. It could be an interesting way of relating that may show me colors and textures never gleaned before, which would be a lovely gift.

Inquiring into my heart I felt a deep sadness and feeling of lack which drained it from being the vibrant and joyful portal it usually is. Making it clear that my heart NEEDS to be in a free flow of emotional, spiritual , physical and mental energy to feel balanced and thrive. It has lived through so much neglect and scarcity in the first half of my life that it doesn’t deserve to enter that field of suffering again. My heart deserves to thrive in the love and flow we have created within and cultivated with other aligned souls.

I am very protective of the wounded aspects in me after having unconsciously abandoned them for way too long. I promised myself to be a loving mother, father, protector and guide to all of myself, no matter how hard it may be or how others might feel about it. I will no longer abandon or neglect myself for another’s comfort or wellbeing.

Sadly there are barren landscapes in others, forbidding and reduced to stark rock and ice formations, which induce in me a deep sadness at the intensity of isolation and painful feelings of coldness. They may be not of their (conscious) making yet these can be weaponized and deployed against others who ‘dare’ to seek connection, intimacy or closeness. And regardless if these patterns play out consciously or unconscious they rarely miss their mark and hurt an open heart, especially one that has been traumatized with the same tools of unlove in its early years.

No matter how much I love you I will not allow my heart to be cut by your unconscious icy landscapes, which is why I will boundary up and step away from engaging. 

Like our wise green blooded kin, I shall turn towards sunshine, towards warmth and everything life-affirming. I will joyfully thank you for redirecting me and turn my awareness and energy towards connections rich and juicy with aliveness, flow, affection, transparency, and consciousness. There is no need to dabble in scarcity or impoverished life-averse spaces when lushness and abundance are what I bring to the table and  what my heart desires.

I bow in gratitude to life, the great guru, for illuminating another subtle dark layer in the subconscious and for gifting me corrective experiences to cultivate embodied knowing.

Art: ‘Let’s Dance With The Dark’ by kelogsloops

The post Choosing Flow appeared first on Venuskind.

 Today I want to share one of my playful visioning tools of inquiry into my being’s current vision of an aligned beloved and partner:

Give yourself enough undisturbed time for this explorative journey. Make yourself comfortable and drop into your heart, ask her to show you the relationship that makes your heart and soul sing with bliss, utilizing all of your senses make the journey come alive in full sensory high-definition.

When you have connected you can ask the first question below to get more detailed visions, answers, sensations, and knowing. Listen deeply. Let your heart guide you. Write the answers down when you feel your heart’s revelations are complete. Then pose the next question, listen and repeat until all questions have been answered. 

This is not something that is necessary revealed to you in one go. Contemplate your heart’s answers, feel into them, get to know your most tender, sensual, playful, pragmatic, spiritual needs in intimate relating. Keep revisiting this journey as you feel intuitively guided, become as deeply intimate with the felt and sensed frequency of your beloved as you can. Add whatever questions your heart deems important.

Most of all keep it light, playful, dream big, be outrageous in your wishes and dreams, and trust you deserve all that makes your heart come alive and overflow with love.

Acknowledge whatever limiting beliefs, fears or negative memories might come up and let them know you will give them their own time and space but this is not it. Make time to address them some other time with love and compassion. Heal what needs healing, release whatever needs releasing. 

I wish you clarity and a delicious harmonious resonance in communing with your heart, soul and beloved.

What kind of person are they?

Which core qualities do they embody?

How do they embody self love?

How do they live their life?

How do they show up in relationships?

How do they show up in relating to you?

How do they relate to others?

What makes them special to you?

How do you show up in the relationship with them? 

What do you feel like relating to them?

How do they enrich your life?

What makes them a great partner?

Photography by Unknown

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