“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery,
rather than to choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness
that would last the rest of our lives.”
~ Marianne Williamson

For a long time I have been perceiving things along the lines of this quote, believing it to be a primarily a question of individual courage if someone walks a path of self discovery and self work.
But the years of the pandemic have illuminated this and allowed me to perceive and reflect on it in a more detailed way.

There is a lot more to this ongoing choice of self discovery, and there is a distinct difference between those who will keep choosing this path and those only willing to follow it up to a point, until it causes too much discomfort or begins to undercut too much of the beliefs and desires of the ego.

Paths

Sure it takes courage initially to follow the call of the soul, to listen to the voice insisting on change and a different way of being. That could be already achieved by comparatively small and superficial lifestyle changes, changing our diet, choosing yoga and mindfulness practices. This is how far most will take it, and they will benefit in ‘functioning’ better in a sick and exploitative system. And that is all they wish for.

Some will take the path of psychology and delve into certain aspect of its insights, get help and work things out to the degree that they feel balanced and well enough to engage with life in a new and less painful way. Some adjustments are made to beliefs and perceptions with the focus being predominantly on helping the personality better navigate life.

Others will move into esoteric and occult teachings and belief systems, incorporating those beliefs into their daily lives and practicing relevant rituals. They might also strive to be more loving and compassionate, molding the personality, without delving too deeply into spiritual self discovery and the work and changes arising from it.

And then there are those whose soul’s are willing to immerse themselves more fully into self discovery in this incarnation. Who will seek many different sources, or maybe just one, and utilize them to go beyond the personality, to touch on the Self, to let it rework their being. Those who will go through all the challenges, pains, and losses it takes to make the personality and mind take the backseat as the Soul/Self take the lead. Those who learn to ‘step out of the way’ as the forces of life change them and their life, who are willing to unlearn all that they have been taught, to experience the mystery of life unclouded by the misperceptions and deceits of ancestors and the cultures and conditioning handed down to them.

Insights

From where I am at in my journey and knowing I realize how little these paths, and how far we are capable and allowing in walking them, are dependent on the traits of the personality or the resistances of the ego. That which is decisive lays at the core of our being at the Soul level of our being. It is there, where the choice of experiences and learning for this lifetime are made, not in the mind or personality – those only get to rationalize them after the fact.

The complexity of factors that have to come together to create an ongoing and truly evolutionary trajectory of growth is more aligned with the mystical teaching that separate and individual agency is an illusion and that as ‘all that is is affected by all that is’ life, including personal choices, is a collective unfolding.

Which has taken away the wish to ‘help others know and understand’ and replaced it with a knowing of their understanding perfectly well for their soul path and intentions. No need to interfere or wish for change. And if it puzzles me, I may try to inquire into their perceptions and inner trajectory to make sense of their beliefs and behaviors, but it no longer is necessary beyond teaching me lessons needed to for my own becoming.

With it the burning desire to find others, who know more than me or have explored differing paths, in order to expand my knowledge has mellowed out. I still enjoy deep and expansive exchanges on philosophical, cosmological, energetical aspects of our experience. But exchanges focused in awe and delight in the mystical unfolding of life have taken their place and leave me charged up with delight and joy like the earlier never could.

There is no longer a need to judge another’s path or confront them about it. Instead there is an experience of a loss of interest and willingness to engage with certain dimensions of consciousness. To engage with these feels like constricting into a limited and painful way of perception and engagement with life, a form of self abuse, and wasteful of my energy and time.

You would think that it makes for a lonely existence but in fact it has made being rich in what feels like another dimensionality. Which in turn seems to feed a sense of wholeness and wellbeing I have not yet felt in this level of calm imperviousness. And it seems to open to a kind of encounter with the being, or is-ness of others, which provides a reciprocal level of luminous nourishment for the Soul which is very different to what used to feed the ego or heart.

Emergence

What is emergent is what I call Self-sufficiency, being whole unto Self, deriving everything needed from Self – regardless if through this being, another, or cooperative energies. To rely solely on the Self means releasing all attachments to things perceived as a security in life (jobs, homes, family, friends) and leaning into the spaciousness the detachment creates. A spaciousness that can be mistaken for emptiness and therefore scary to the personality/ego. In time and with persistence the fears eventually melt away and so does the interference of the personality with experience.

What follows is what we can taste in a lesser form in moments of ‘flow’ – pure being. Zero point consciousness in embodiment. Which in turn is but a beginning of another multidimensional adventure in embodied consciousness and experience.

Art by Unknown

The post Self Discovery appeared first on Venuskind.

sensing the need for a new path

one free from the weight of what was

listening to the wisdom and potentiality of now

time has no meaning or abode here

human scripts are but a thin specter

the numinous rays of the eternal sun call for evolution

the lilting voice of gaia whispers of cycles and rebirth

as the soul attunes to new harmonic resonances in the all

crafting a new dream and path for the being

the human transfixed in awe

goes about her mundane life

surrendered to the unfolding

trusting the goodness of becoming

trusting the wisdom of the void

~ in the void

Photograph by Sergio Carbajo Rodriguez

The post in the void appeared first on Venuskind.

They often took me by surprise, arising mostly in chance encounters that sparkled with a special kind of glitter. But none of these have been as potent and devastatingly glorious as the one I experienced in an old connection teetering between death and rebirth. 

Energy so strong it shook my being to the core, undoing any armoring, blockages and blinders to flood me with all that I had been keeping hidden from my mind. Confronting me with seemingly novel aspects of self, their desires, dreams and passions. Oh their vast passions and depth of strength that arises from them.

Exploding and rippling through me like bolts of lightning, my mind forced into a helpless and confused surrender as the deluge of insights, emotions, sensations and energetic flow, unlocked by this catalytic moment, kept swelling and speaking new truths that held me in numinosity. Not in a religious definition of the term but in the unique quality of feeling that interweaves awe for the beauty of an experience with a hint of trepidation. 

Never did I realize in the headiness of the experience that it was only to be a beginning to a long and confounding process of falling apart in a kaleidoscope of fragments and reuniting into a new wholeness.

Grounding myself and allowing the experience to reveal its medicine, meaning and potentiality took a lot of energy and time as it was but the circumstances and interactions with the catalyst were also meant to trigger old abandonment, betrayal and neglect wounds with a surprising ferocity. And again I surprised parts of me with how well I could multi-task on growing different dimensions of being, perceiving and engaging while ‘carrying water and chopping wood’ as well as most days.

This has to be the most profound catalytic soul connection and activation moment I have experienced in this life. Maybe it has come now as I have developed enough perceptive acuity to know it for what it is, to understand the workings of higher selves and souls enough to recognize their handwriting on this and surrender to the process. A prearranged energetic healing sequence to rip the veils, release emotional hangups, balance karma and free me to walk my path unhindered by limitations and blockages that have fulfilled their teaching capacity. 

The experience has tested my ability to hold space for myself while doing so for another, expanded my capacity of disconnecting old energies and emotions from the reactivity they habitually trigger, and given me an opportunity to practice loving discernment in balancing the needs of another with my own. Making me experience and know the vastness of space within being and the immensity of strength, resilience and equanimity that spring from 

I have visceral knowing of where to draw the boundary when another’s feelings and actions impact my wellbeing negatively without allowing the past to make me feel unloving, shame or wrong in doing so. I know to discern the difference between impulsive self-protection from wounding and boundaries asserted by self love and self care. It has taught me many lessons on the subtle difference between fragility of ego/wounding and tenderness of heart and fed my preference and courage to remain in the latter.

I understand what it takes for me to sustainably hold space for another without causing harm to myself in that process, deepening my commitment to honoring other’s free will and sovereignty with compassion and love and giving me clarity on where the honoring has to be interwoven with justice and standing by higher truths. 

I intuit that this  was also unique in that the effect was not one-sided as previous catalytic experiences had been but a two-way energetic activation. Which makes it even more magical and precious to me. I cannot be sure how my latest catalyst perceived this or if they even have the tools to make sense of it or integrate the effects of the activation as they retreated into silence and disconnection. 

As beloved as they are to my soul and heart their choice to act in ways unworthy of them and myself preclude any contact or connection between us in the human dimension until justice has rebalanced the scales of our relationship. 

Making the decision to uphold the standards of relating in my life towards them was so hard it sent my inner tribe of selves into weeks of inner dissent until the voices of self love managed to unite them eventually in a new peaceful union. Still, walking away was not easy nor something I wanted, in fact it was the opposite of my desire for a deeper more intimate union and bond with them. Yet I know this boundary is part of what I have to embody fully to walk through the portal of ascendence opening through this energetic shift and rebirth. 

“If the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?” ~ Tunisian Proverb

The Beloved has painstakingly made it visible and visceral to me in the past decade that toxicity often wears the face of family, friends or a beloved and that loving them does not equal sacrificing my heart, needs and wishes to accommodate their presence in my life. He has taught me to prioritize my soul path, wellbeing and visions for life encoded in my being over and over again. It doesn’t get easier to choose me over them as the Beloved ups the ante with every experience. And how else could he make me feel my strength and capacity to be without those who will not stop abusing, betraying, manipulating and disrespecting me?

It hurts me more than I wish to verbalize to have to walk away from those I hold dear, it takes more energy for self-care and healing to get back to balance than I would ever want to expend. But what else is there to do but accept reality as it is and work with it?

There is a deep knowing in my being that this death and rebirth cycle is a quantum leap towards the manifestation of everything my heart desires and I have been working towards for a long, long time. And it is manifesting – with them in the picture or without.

Another precious reminder of this catalytic soul activations is to hold the visions of love, connection and unions with clarity and consistency and to release any attachments to the presence of specific people in it. 

These moments where the Beloved flows through the form of another human to meet me in the physical are some of my most priced jewels of experience, even though they often come with pain and at the price of parts of self and beliefs that I am called to shed and leave behind. 

They are unique and profound moments of enlightenment, treasured gifts of initiation by the Beloved. 

Initiation into deeper union with Self and the Beloved, within as without. 

Therefore I shall keep saying, even when I am down on my knees and feeling the unbearability of death and rebirth, over and over again: 

Unbreak and let me Blossom in Wholeness and Union Beloved

So we may create a higher multidimensional dance of love 

Spiraling and leaping from the heart of consciousness and creation magic

For this is my Soul’s sacred dream and joyful path of the phoenix.

Art: ‘In bloom, not broken’ by Justin Ifill-Forbes, ⁠model: Windela

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